So what constitutes as "cheating" to you?

  1. In the relationship sense, that is.

    What are the dealbreakers for you in a relationship?

    (edited to add: no one's cheating on me. That just wouldn't fly lol)
    Last edit by Marie_LPN, RN on Oct 25, '05
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  2. 101 Comments

  3. by   fergus51
    If he wouldn't do it in front of me or tell me all about it, it's cheating.

    I have several deal breakers, but cheating and yelling are two that top the list.
  4. by   Marie_LPN, RN
    Thing of it is, a co-worker's husband is going to Vegas for a week with a few friends of his. The friends (all married as well) have made it very clear of the certain establishments (strip clubs) they are planning to go to.

    Well she told him she trusts him completely not to 'step out of line', but for him to go to a place like that, she would feel cheated on, and hurt, because of the nature of those places.

    He pretty much said if he didn't go along, he'd catch crap from his friends, she should be glad that she at least knows he's going, and that it's no big deal. In a conversation with one of the friends' wives, that wife said she didn't like that her husband was going, but yet she wasn't going to tell him this.

    I could see why she would feel that way (the cheated on part that is). It would just bother me that another woman is doing that to my "husband" (stripper or not). And i guess, for me, such places (if i actually wanted to go to one) are off limits if i'm in a relationship, just out of respect for the other person. It's not a matter of self-consciousness (as i've heard as a response to how i feel on this several times), a little hard to describe without dabbling in the TMI dept.

    I know some people don't have a problem with it, however, if he's saying "it's no big deal," then why go to them in the first place, then?
    Last edit by Marie_LPN, RN on Oct 25, '05
  5. by   fergus51
    I don't have a problem with strippers. Look, but don't touch is fine with me. If he's going to the strip club (and yes, it seems to be a male bonding kind of thing) I would recommend she sees some hunky guy strippers herself. I heard there are some really cute Australians putting on a show in Vegas....
  6. by   Marie_LPN, RN
    Quote from fergus51
    I don't have a problem with strippers. Look, but don't touch is fine with me. If he's going to the strip club (and yes, it seems to be a male bonding kind of thing) I would recommend she sees some hunky guy strippers herself. I heard there are some really cute Australians putting on a show in Vegas....
    She won't be going, she's staying home. Otherwise, i would think that would be a good suggestion.

    Unfortunately, i know that in some places, look-but-don-t-touch isn't always the case. I kept an open mind one night when a (now) ex wanted to go, and the stripper came up to him (no money was on the table) and gave a quick "preview" of what he would get in a lap dance (didn't even ask first). And thanks to that, i now know what "booty dust" is, and that it takes 2 washes to come off of pants. :stone
  7. by   fergus51
    The bottom line is if I trust a man not to touch, that's enough for me. I don't care if he still wants to go to the strippers with the boys and I would expect him to trust me when I go out with the girls. If I didn't trust him to not touch, it's probably a sign that we shouldn't be together.
  8. by   txspadequeenRN
    Well if I was his wife I guess I should start packing ....Vegas Here I come.... One time long time ago first marriage my dumb, stupid, dogface husand said "Hey be back later gonna catch a drink with the boys" .... HA ya right. I may be from the country but I gots me some brains between them ears.... So after he let with the little boys; I put on multiple layers of old torn skirts and differnt color shirts with dirt and tears on it. Then I put my husbands old work boots on and ratted my hair. I kinda looked like that woman on hee haw the one that was always in the kitchen with her old man arguing. Anyhow then for a extra added benifit I left off the makeup except for the black front tooth. I was kinda fat at the time and capable of producing a frontal presentation , which came to be known by the men at the bar as baby #7. I found me a male to escort me in and waddled my way to the front stage and pulled a cast iron skillet from under my many layers of skirts and re- introduced myself to my husband. I told him " Ya better gits home now pa , I gots me some milkin to do and ya ought to be a out lookin fer dinner". lol:chuckle Talk about embarrassed :imbar some of thoses men he was with I hadent met yet... But when I finally did meet them and their wives, it was the wives that came up to me and said "Ive been waiting to meet you so I could shake your hand".:roll :bowingpur
    That was the last time he went with the "little boys" for anything.


    Quote from Marie_LPN
    Thing of it is, a co-worker's husband is going to Vegas for a week with a few friends of his. The friends (all married as well) have made it very clear of the certain establishments (strip clubs) they are planning to go to.

    Well she told him she trusts him completely not to 'step out of line', but for him to go to a place like that, she would feel cheated on, and hurt, because of the nature of those places.

    He pretty much said if he didn't go along, he'd catch crap from his friends, she should be glad that she at least knows he's going, and that it's no big deal. In a conversation with one of the friends' wives, that wife said she didn't like that her husband was going, but yet she wasn't going to tell him this.

    I could see why she would feel that way (the cheated on part that is). It would just bother me that another woman is doing that to my "husband" (stripper or not). And i guess, for me, such places (if i actually wanted to go to one) are off limits if i'm in a relationship, just out of respect for the other person. It's not a matter of self-consciousness (as i've heard as a response to how i feel on this several times), a little hard to describe without dabbling in the TMI dept.

    I know some people don't have a problem with it, however, if he's saying "it's no big deal," then why go to them in the first place, then?
  9. by   SmilingBluEyes
    TO me it is NOT cheating for him to appreciate other women and enjoy their beautiful features. I am never jealous there. But it's over the line if he were to TOUCH em. And he feels the same toward me. We may be married but we sure ain't DEAD.

    "booty dust"????

    ummm ewww.
    Last edit by SmilingBluEyes on Oct 25, '05 : Reason: Automerged Doublepost
  10. by   Marie_LPN, RN
    Yeah "booty dust" is a powdered glitter, a way of "leaving a trail". Apparently that girl had other body makeup on as well.

    I could understand beauty appreciation, but not necessarily at an environment like that, where some dude is yelling "show your *****, *****!"
  11. by   traumaRUs
    Trust is the ultimate issue in a relationship for me. (I must qualify this with the fact that I've been in a relationship for 28 years now so its been a long time since I've been looking). Anyway, my husband and I were both in the military and spent months (up to a year) apart. Both of us have gone to strip clubs and neither of us have cheated. Again, trust is the key.
  12. by   Jessy_RN
    Quote from Marie_LPN
    Thing of it is, a co-worker's husband is going to Vegas for a week with a few friends of his. The friends (all married as well) have made it very clear of the certain establishments (strip clubs) they are planning to go to.

    Well she told him she trusts him completely not to 'step out of line', but for him to go to a place like that, she would feel cheated on, and hurt, because of the nature of those places.

    He pretty much said if he didn't go along, he'd catch crap from his friends, she should be glad that she at least knows he's going, and that it's no big deal. In a conversation with one of the friends' wives, that wife said she didn't like that her husband was going, but yet she wasn't going to tell him this.

    I could see why she would feel that way (the cheated on part that is). It would just bother me that another woman is doing that to my "husband" (stripper or not). And i guess, for me, such places (if i actually wanted to go to one) are off limits if I'm in a relationship, just out of respect for the other person. It's not a matter of self-consciousness (as i've heard as a response to how i feel on this several times), a little hard to describe without dabbling in the TMI dept.

    I know some people don't have a problem with it, however, if he's saying "it's no big deal," then why go to them in the first place, then?
    I would certainly advice him that girls and I will be going out "to da club" as well and that he should have fun just like the fun she is planning to have (even if she's really not going).

    I would LOVE to see/hear his reaction.

    Personally, I don't mind if my husband wants to go out and all but he has been forewarned

    Thankfully, we have never had to deal with this issue because he has til this day never done so.

    We have however had this conversation and he basically answered "If it will make you uncomfortable and/or I would not like you doing the same...then it ain't happening"
  13. by   BBFRN
    Quote from txspadequeen921
    Well if I was his wife I guess I should start packing ....Vegas Here I come.... One time long time ago first marriage my dumb, stupid, dogface husand said "Hey be back later gonna catch a drink with the boys" .... HA ya right. I may be from the country but I gots me some brains between them ears.... So after he let with the little boys; I put on multiple layers of old torn skirts and differnt color shirts with dirt and tears on it. Then I put my husbands old work boots on and ratted my hair. I kinda looked like that woman on hee haw the one that was always in the kitchen with her old man arguing. Anyhow then for a extra added benifit I left off the makeup except for the black front tooth. I was kinda fat at the time and capable of producing a frontal presentation , which came to be known by the men at the bar as baby #7. I found me a male to escort me in and waddled my way to the front stage and pulled a cast iron skillet from under my many layers of skirts and re- introduced myself to my husband. I told him " Ya better gits home now pa , I gots me some milkin to do and ya ought to be a out lookin fer dinner". lol:chuckle Talk about embarrassed :imbar some of thoses men he was with I hadent met yet... But when I finally did meet them and their wives, it was the wives that came up to me and said "Ive been waiting to meet you so I could shake your hand".:roll :bowingpur
    That was the last time he went with the "little boys" for anything.

    OMG- that's one of the funniest things I've ever heard!!!!!!! ROTFL!!!!!!!!!!
  14. by   student4ever
    I've been with my man now for a little over three years. We've spent 4 months of that time in a long distance relationship, during which I found out that he had gone to his ex's house to see her, and ended up watching a movie with her. I was heartbroken at the time, but then I started to think... he denies up and down that he did anything with her, his friends all say he's the type who would never cheat (even his friends who had been my friends first), and he's given me no other indications of such. I need to just trust him. And our relationship grew stronger because I learned better how to trust him. We have both been to strip clubs, I know he watches porn occasionally, and when he goes out with "the boys" I know he occasionally talks to girls. Why do I know this? Not because I'm dressing up like someone else to spy on him, not because I'm having someone else spy on him, none of that. I know it because we have the trust thing going on, and he feels like he can tell me those things without me getting all jealous and all up in his face. I would never deny him the right to admire the beauty of other women. I certainly don't wan't him telling me I can't look at a guys butt, smile, beautiful physique, get a silly smile on my face and say to myself, "mmmm, yummy!" I am still a human being, and I still get attracted to other people, as does he. We both just realize that we've found the person we want to be with for the rest of our lives, and we're attracted to each other on a much deeper level than just these little crushes that come and go.

    What I would constitute cheating is any kind of physical contact in an other than platonic fashion, ie. cuddling, kissing, sex, anything within that scope. Also, a friend of the other sex with whom he could tell things to that he didn't feel he could tell me, or whom he spent excessive amounts of time with. That would be cheating. Cuddling, kissing, and the friend thing are forgivable for me, on one offense, and possibly the second. Sex, on the other hand would take a great deal to forgive, and I'm not sure I would be able to. But I believe in the power of honesty and trust in a relationship, and I believe that trust is a living, breathing kind of thing - it can be broken, but it can also be restored. Therefore, I have no strict lines as to what is an "unforgivable offense."

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