So furious that I could just .......

  1. undefined :angryfire

    My dear hubby just called me. My adopted 18 year old went to get her stuff from her mother's house. She called and told Reva that she was going to throw it all away if she didn't come get it. My dh let her use the truck, our other daughter Kala, and two friends went to get her stuff. That old bat called kala a whore and then proceded to tell Reva, TO HER FACE that she was a whore and a **** who would be pregnant before the year was out. :angryfire :angryfire

    She then proceeded to say that the friends she had brought with her were drug dealers and would be in jail before the year was out. She has never meet any of them before this. How dare that old B**ch call my kids that.

    I am so furious that I could drive the 13 hours to her house and beat the living hell out of her. Who does she think she is. She is the one who kicked the 13 year old out, changed the locks, and left her to fend for herself. She also gets a SS check on Reva and will not give her any of it. Says that is what she lives on. We have not insisted that Reva fill for her check cause it would just cause unneeded problems. But you better believe that tommorrow morning she will file a change of address for her check.

    What causes people to be this way. She kicked her out. We made her our family, the rights and responsibilities of a child, love her like our natural born, and will fight to protect her. Then this women who doesn't even give a damn thinks to condem us for it. I just don't get it.

    I needed to vent and calm down before I do something I would regret ( like driving home to confront her). I want to get her out of Reva's life but realize that she is her mother. Help Please. What can I do?
  2. 6 Comments

  3. by   jnette
    (((HUGS))) Travelinglady.

    As I obviously know nothing about the situation, circumstances, or your personal lives, I won't venture there.

    Just want you to know you are heard, and the anger and pain is coming through. I'm sorry you and your family are having to deal with this.

    Some people just don't know how to act, nor are they worth the energy of being angry. Try to rise above it, and continue to show your daughters what love and dignity is.

    Wish you the best.
  4. by   Stitchie
    I'm glad you came to the board to vent! This is a very trying situation for your whole family. From reading your post it appears to me that the other "adult" may like pushing your buttons.

    Sounds to me as if she is acting out because of your relationship with your daughter. I think it is good that you are far, far away from this other person.

    As an FYI, SSI is intended to go to the person named on the check. If her parental rights have been severed, and they must have been for you to adopt the young lady, then she is collected money fraudulently and that is a crime. You don't have to get involved -- just call up you state's attorney and turn her or him on the facts.

    I just went thru this with my grandmother, who is 92, advanced dementia, in a nursing home. My father had died in June '03 and he was her POA. His wife, not my mother, (mom died in '90) was collecting the checks for my grandmother and taking the $$$. She is also taking pension checks payable to my grandmother -- it's a felony in Illinois, and it's a felony in AZ where my grandmother lives.

    Best of luck to you, deep calming breaths, and let us know how things turn out for you. I'd like to hear how things go for you and your daughter. This must be very hard on her, and bless you for taking in a teenager.
  5. by   nurseygrrl
    travilinglady~ I commend you for adopting this girl and showing her what a 'real' mother is. My advice to you would be to continue to do that, hard as it may be, because children learn by example. Show her now what it is to be a lady, and to be the bigger person. Good luck!
  6. by   Tweety
    What a wicked woman. Her day is coming just you wait and see.
  7. by   kids
    The change of address needs to be filed directly with SSA (with her being 18 parental rights are not an issue.)

    God bless you for being a real mother to Reva, you are all lucky to have found each other. I will never understand how people can mistreat any child, let alone their own flesh and blood. I raised a little girl (heroin addict mom signed guardianship papers) for 5 years.

    She has been victimized and needs to take back some of what has been stolen. It is not just the money, I am talking about her fighting back against her abuser (and she has been abused) and taking back her self. Since she is 18 she has many more rights than if she wasn't but she's going to need guidance.
    I admit to thinking worse case senerio but I'll bet collecting her SSI is just the tip of a very big iceberg. Some other things for her to consider doing:

    File a change of address with the Postal Service and get copies of her credit reports. Better to find out now if bio has been using her identity and take corrective steps than to find out later that she can't rent an apartment, get telephone service or buy a car because her credit in a shambles. The longer an identity theaft goes on the harder it is to fix.
    Inform the SSA that she has not lived with her mother or at her mothers address for X amount of time and has not benefited from the SSA funds. It is possible SSA will reimburse the diverted funds and pursue the bio for repayment.
    Notify the IRS that she is not and has not been her bio-mom's dependant for X number of years. If she applies for financial aid for college she could be denied if bio has been claiming her as a dependant or worse yet, be later accused of falsifying her application (unknowingly).
    Any chance bio has been collecting any public assistance claiming Reva is living with her? If so report her to the state.
    Last edit by kids on Mar 7, '04
  8. by   NRSKarenRN
    Please follow Kids + other posters sage advice.

    Wishing you strength and wisdom to help your adopted daughte. She's lucky to have you in her corner.