Shriven

  1. Shriven
    04/09/06

    This is what I truly want
    I want to be set free
    From the remorse of the haunt
    Of what I could truly be

    My soul sighs and shudders still
    And gapes at what I've lost
    Without the measure of the will
    To measure what it cost

    And so I stumble through my life
    Content but not contented
    With faded colors no longer ripe
    Of the dreams that I intended

    I like my life the way it’s carved
    It feeds my soul’s routine
    Yet somehow still I’m starved
    For something that I keen

    And so I wallow and I wist
    And simply pass the time
    Until the day I can’t resist
    What fate can yield sublime

    I want that day I want it now
    So passing days can end
    And start the summit of the vow
    My spirit will defend

    Thank You for the gifts I’m given
    I truly stand amazed
    Is it a kind of hubris shriven
    To hope for better days?

    This is what I want to be
    A soul not faded red
    I want to have alive in me
    The things just lost, not dead

    Copyright 2006. Used by permission.

    ~faith,
    Timothy.
    Last edit by ZASHAGALKA on Sep 27, '06
    •  
  2. 23 Comments

  3. by   NursesRmofun
    Hey, I like that!
  4. by   Spidey's mom
    I like it too . . .help a dunderhead out and tell me . . . is it a song and who wrote it and/or who sings it?

    gracias . . .




    steph
  5. by   leslie :-D
    Quote from ZASHAGALKA
    Shriven
    04/09/06

    This is what I truly want
    I want to be set free
    From the remorse of the haunt
    Of what I could truly be

    My soul sighs and shudders still
    And gapes at what I've lost
    Without the measure of the will
    To measure what it cost

    And so I stumble through my life
    Content but not contented
    With faded colors no longer ripe
    Of the dreams that I intended

    I like my life the way it's carved
    It feeds my soul's routine
    Yet somehow still I'm starved
    For something that I keen

    And so I wallow and I wist
    And simply pass the time
    Until the day I can't resist
    What fate can yield sublime

    I want that day I want it now
    So passing days can end
    And start the summit of the vow
    My spirit will defend

    Thank You for the gifts I'm given
    I truly stand amazed
    Is it a kind of hubris shriven
    To hope for better days?

    This is what I want to be
    A soul not faded red
    I want to have alive in me
    The things just lost, not dead

    Copyright 2006. Used by permission.

    ~faith,
    Timothy.
    i love this, timothy.
    i mean, i truly and gutterally appreciate it.
    i'm reading "Friendship with God; an uncommon dialogue" and talks of this very focus-to define who you are.
    your post could not have come at a better time.

    leslie
  6. by   VivaLasViejas
    That is an incredible poem...........methinks YOU are the author, Timothy.:wink2: I know you've posted some of your previous works here, and I'm always impressed by their depth and the way your words come from a place deep within, to speak to that place inside every one of us.

    I think one has to have lived awhile, and to be a seeker of wisdom, in order to understand and appreciate---let alone write---the meaning of works like this. Thank you for sharing it with us.
  7. by   ZASHAGALKA
    You're welcome.

    After working 9 out of 10 nights in a row, and finally relieved to be off for a few days, I normally get in strange moods, like: why am I working so much!! And who could I be to work 'smarter' with my talents, so to speak.

    I wrote that a few months ago, but it was the mood I was in when I got off work this morning, and so, I thought I'd share.

    I like the idea of 'hubris shriven'. Shriven means to seek absolution. So, the point is, if it IS hubris to want for more, considering how much I already have, is it a type of hubris that merits some absolution from the concept of mere greed?

    The question in the poem is more of a question for my Creator: am I asking for too much, and if so, can I plead that what I really desire is not fame or wealth, but just living up to my full potential?

    I suppose the parable of the talents is on point.

    ~faith,
    Timothy.
    Last edit by ZASHAGALKA on Sep 27, '06
  8. by   leslie :-D
    dang i read you wrong.
    disregard my heartfelt pm to you.
  9. by   ZASHAGALKA
    Quote from earle58
    dang i read you wrong.
    disregard my heartfelt pm to you.
    I pm'd you: I don't think you read it wrong.

    Besides, one of the benefits of writing is that I can claim all kinds of deep and foundational meanings to my work. My turn to

    ~faith,
    Timothy.
  10. by   Spidey's mom
    Quote from ZASHAGALKA
    I pm'd you: I don't think you read it wrong.

    Besides, one of the benefits of writing is that I can claim all kinds of deep and foundational meanings to my work. My turn to

    ~faith,
    Timothy.

    Actually, I was wondering about everyone's interpretation of this poem. I'll bet there are different interpretations.

    This is what I truly want
    I want to be set free
    From the remorse of the haunt
    Of what I could truly be


    To me this means I want to be set free from always thinking I'm not good enough. I could be such a better mother if only I would do thus and so. I could be a better nurse if I was only this and that. I'd be a great wife if . . . . My house would look like something from "House Beautiful" if only . . . . I could write a novel someday if I wasn't so lazy . . . I'd be the best kind of friend if I would write more often . . .

    ETC.

    I'd like to be set free from expections I place on myself. Thoughts that I'm not good enough.

    I like my life the way it's carved
    It feeds my soul's routine
    Yet somehow still I'm starved
    For something that I keen


    I should appreciate my life the way it is carved . . . it does feed my soul's routine . . . yet why do I still long for something more? What is that "keening" . . . . is it good for me? Does it set me up to feel like a failure? Is the grass always greener?

    Tim - I like it. I'm borrowing it.


    steph
  11. by   VivaLasViejas
    Quote from ZASHAGALKA
    You're welcome.

    After working 9 out of 10 nights in a row, and finally relieved to be off for a few days, I normally get in strange moods, like: why am I working so much!! And who could I be to work 'smarter' with my talents, so to speak.

    I wrote that a few months ago, but it was the mood I was in when I got off work this morning, and so, I thought I'd share.

    I like the idea of 'hubris shriven'. Shriven means to seek absolution. So, the point is, if it IS hubris to want for more, considering how much I already have, is it a type of hubris that merits some absolution from the concept of mere greed?

    The question in the poem is more of a question for my Creator: am I asking for too much, and if so, can I plead that what I really desire is not fame or wealth, but just living up to my full potential?

    I suppose the parable of the talents is on point.

    ~faith,
    Timothy.
    I have to tell you something, Timothy---this is precisely where MY thoughts have been going of late.

    I mean, life is so good to me these days..........I have pretty much everything I ever wanted, and then some. The seeds my hubby and I planted way back when we were two poor hippie kids are now themselves bearing fruit, and the harvest of blessings is beyond anything we ever imagined!

    Still, I feel the need to account for what I've been given, and to continually strive to be better.......a better nurse, a better woman, a better child of God. To live up to my full potential, as you put it. And I find myself asking the Lord what He wants of me in return; the prospect is at once both frightening and exhilarating, because part of me still fears I'm not equal to the task, while the other part whispers of even greater blessings to come if I will just stop worrying, listen to Him and do what He asks of me.

    The flip side of this is, I also wonder if things are well with me because I AM trying to become better. I've been through a lot of hard times in my life, and I've fought hard to get to where I am; maybe life is sweet now because it was really, really tough for the first 45 years or so. I don't know the answers, and I don't dare to ask because it's NOT a matter of "deserving" better. Other people have suffered---some much more than I have---and not everyone is rewarded in this life.

    Whatever the reason, I only know that I love my life, and I'm looking forward, not back..........I wouldn't be young again for anything! But I also realize that I want to live this second half of life with all the gusto I can, to give back some of what I've been blessed with, and to walk more closely with the Lord, because I won't be here forever. I don't think anybody truly realizes that until they have more birthdays behind them than in front of them (and NOBODY in my family lives until age 96, believe me). It's OK though, I've made my peace with it, and what I've gained in exchange for youthful beauty and firm skin is well worth the price.

    Well, I've rambled on a lot longer than I meant to when I started typing this post, so I'll shut up now. Once again, Tim, your poem is lovely, and very meaningful to this fellow traveler.
  12. by   Spidey's mom
    See, already . . .Marla and I interpret it in different ways.


    This could be very good . . . . how did this poem effect you? What do you think it means?

    Fess up folks.


    steph
  13. by   ZASHAGALKA
    I think how I interpreted and conceived it was along the lines of what Marla was saying.

    You know each of us hold two ideas about ourselves in our head: reality, and our ideal.

    I think it's about striving to find the link between the two. And regret for not doing so all along.

    I've been very blessed in life. I like to say that I live like a King. And, I do. By any reasonable definition, I live a King's life. What made a King 300 yrs ago? Rich foods, state of the art communications and transportation, an 'entertainment' culture, money at disposal. I live a King's life. In the history of the World, I am in the top 2% regarding worldly blessings.

    It's easy to get wrapped up in that.

    But, we are all very much more spiritual beings than physical ones. The things that I 'keen' are spiritual - a closer relationship w/ my kids, a regret for being divorced, living up to Acts 17 about reaching out to the outstretched hand of God.

    I'm not really talking about physical things in that poem, but spiritual ones.

    When I was in 12th grade, I took a college bound English composition class. My English teacher, Mrs. Bass, told me in passing one day that in 20 yrs of teaching, she considered that 3 of her students could truly write for a living. 2 of them were doing JUST that. I was the third. I'm not trying to be arrogant. But, dang, I'd love to write for a living.

    I love nursing, don't get me wrong. I love the ability to touch people on an individual basis. But, to be able to strike a chord and touch the masses! Wow.

    Maybe I haven't because of fear to fail. And I AM good at what I do now, so that ebbs somewhat the NEED to do more. When I look at who I always thought I am, and what I've achieved, I have no reason to be ashamed. I'm certainly not a failure.

    But, I have also not attained my childhood dreams. But the issue is this: I also haven't grasped for them, either. So, there is a two-fold theme in that poem, for me.

    1. Some elemental sadness and distress for not reaching out more to fulfill my potential. Sometimes I think that God will regard me like the one that hid his talents for fear of losing it.

    2. But also: the feeling that, considering how I AM blessed, the hubris involved in seeking to be more.

    See, I don't think I could succeed without God's hand. But to ask for more blessings? It just seems like sheer hubris to me. Where do I get off not being satisfied in a world where God deliberately and purposely put blessing after blessing on my table. And I'm not talking about money and worldly things.

    So, at a time in my life when I AM considering, finally, reaching out to grasp the 'faded colors' of the dreams I intended, I have no choice but to ask for God's blessing. I could not succeed otherwise.

    So, I guess to me the poem is one of regret for not doing so sooner, but also, a plea to God: let my ambitions reach Your ear, not out of hubris, but out of a desire to fulfill the potential granted to me. So, to the extent that it IS hubris, I'm asking for a shrive: absolution - grant my pleas WITHOUT considering them to be being NOT thankful for everything else so far!

    But it's not just about seeking absolution for the desire to want more. It's also about seeking absolution for failure to live up to a higher spiritual standard, all along.

    The poem itself is more tied into regret for the disconnect between the two images of myself that we ALL hold about our selves, and possibly, the fear involved with seeking the courage to make the link.

    It is, I think, about taking stock in where I am at on the spiritual journey that is life. Maybe it's about summoning the courage and faith at a crossroads to not only choose the right path, but to stay with it.

    Whew! Sorry so long. I must say, this is an awful lot of context for a poem that came sleepily to me one morning after a long night at work.

    ~faith,
    Timothy.
    Last edit by ZASHAGALKA on Sep 28, '06
  14. by   Spidey's mom
    Quote from ZASHAGALKA
    I think how I interpreted and conceived it was along the lines of what Marla was saying.

    You know each of us hold two ideas about ourselves in our head: reality, and our ideal.

    I think it's about striving to find the link between the two. And regret for not doing so all along.

    I've been very blessed in life. I like to say that I live like a King. And, I do. By any reasonable definition, I live a King's life. What made a King 300 yrs ago? Rich foods, state of the art communications and transportation, an 'entertainment' culture, money at disposal. I live a King's life. In the history of the World, I am in the top 2% regarding worldly blessings.

    It's easy to get wrapped up in that.

    But, we are all very much more spiritual beings than physical ones. The things that I 'keen' are spiritual - a closer relationship w/ my kids, a regret for being divorced, living up to Acts 17 about reaching out to the outstretched hand of God.

    I'm not really talking about physical things in that poem, but spiritual ones.

    When I was in 12th grade, I took a college bound English composition class. My English teacher, Mrs. Bass, told me in passing one day that in 20 yrs of teaching, she considered that 3 of her students could truly write for a living. 2 of them were doing JUST that. I was the third. I'm not trying to be arrogant. But, dang, I'd love to write for a living.

    I love nursing, don't get me wrong. I love the ability to touch people on an individual basis. But, to be able to strike a chord and touch the masses! Wow.

    Maybe I haven't because of fear to fail. And I AM good at what I do now, so that ebbs somewhat the NEED to do more. When I look at who I always thought I am, and what I've achieved, I have no reason to be ashamed. I'm certainly not a failure.

    But, I have also not attained my childhood dreams. But the issue is this: I also haven't grasped for them, either. So, there is a two-fold theme in that poem, for me.

    1. Some elemental sadness and distress for not reaching out more to fulfill my potential. Sometimes I think that God will regard me like the one that hid his talents for fear of losing it.

    2. But also: the feeling that, considering how I AM blessed, the hubris involved in seeking to be more.

    See, I don't think I could succeed without God's hand. But to ask for more blessings? It just seems like sheer hubris to me. Where do I get off not being satisfied in a world where God deliberately and purposely put blessing after blessing on my table. And I'm not talking about money and worldly things.

    So, at a time in my life when I AM considering, finally, reaching out to grasp the 'faded colors' of the dreams I intended, I have no choice but to ask for God's blessing. I could not succeed otherwise.

    So, I guess to me the poem is one of regret for not doing so sooner, but also, a plea to God: let my ambitions reach Your ear, not out of hubris, but out of a desire to fulfill the potential granted to me. So, to the extent that it IS hubris, I'm asking for a shrive: absolution - grant my pleas WITHOUT considering them to be being NOT thankful for everything else so far!

    But it's not just about seeking absolution for the desire to want more. It's also about seeking absolution for failure to live up to a higher spiritual standard, all along.

    The poem itself is more tied into regret for the disconnect between the two images of myself that we ALL hold about our selves, and possibly, the fear involved with seeking the courage to make the link.

    It is, I think, about taking stock in where I am at on the spiritual journey that is life. Maybe it's about summoning the courage and faith at a crossroads to not only choose the right path, but to stay with it.

    Whew! Sorry so long. I must say, this is an awful lot of context for a poem that came sleepily to me one morning after a long night at work.

    ~faith,
    Timothy.
    Don't apologize.

    Maybe it is that time in our lives that we take stock of where we are and what we've done.

    I guess what struck me was the first four lines . .

    This is what I truly want
    I want to be set free
    From the remorse of the haunt
    Of what I could truly be

    I'm always and forever criticizing myself. I second guess my parenting skills when I see my kids making bad choices. This is probably where I am right now.

    I could truly have been a better parent.

    Regret washes over me at times and I do want to be set free from the haunt of remorse . . . the past is the past and I cannot change it.

    Forgiving yourself - hard to do.

    steph

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