After losing three babies, though not going through an elective ab (can't imagine having to make a decision like that
), I received a few very nice cards and a few bunches of flowers. Usually short and simple, mainly "I'm here if you need to talk or need anything". I still have all letters and cards and flowers I received. I think they would really appreciate whatever you decide to send.
Some people may view flowers as overboard, but I don't. I don't know how far along she was, but she (and her hubby) are grieving for a child who died. It made me upset when some people would just talk about me and not my baby. Though I also understand how ackward it is to talk about something so very sensitive. I just didn't want to forget about my babies. Even though two were first trimester, one was a second trimester loss. They were my children, and I still miss them. If you want to send flowers, I say send them. I think they will really appreciate that you thought of them.
On another note, I am very close to an MD who (he and his wife) decided to electively ab their daughter at 19 weeks because she had a severe defect (no lungs, no kidneys). He was very emotional (and I really don't know his wife more than an acquaintance) and upset, and he had to come by and do rounds one last time that day. I went out and bought a nice card for him and his wife, gave it to him before he left. We had a quiet talk about it in the conference room. He cried, let out his grief, and thanked me for the card. I did send flowers as well as they did have a very private memorial/funeral for their daughter, and had her cremated and she sits on their mantle along with a picture taken the day she was born. His wife actually kept the flower petals that sit in a small glass sealed container as well. I saw this while house sitting for him a couple years afterwards while the family all went on vacation.
You are very kind to be so thoughtful of them, Angie. Whatever you send will be appreciated, I am sure of it.