Sexual harrasement and scandal thread

  1. How about a thread just for this topic?

    Tell us what you think:
    Do most men take advantage?
    Do women take advantage?
    Does one sex or age group lie about it more than others?

    If you found out your partner was cheating what would you do?

    A nurse I work with is married to a man who will not let her read a book in the same room where he is watching TV! He won't let her go to another room either. She says he is jealous of anything that takes her attention away from him. That is why she is fearful of having a child.
    He calls a couple times a night while she is working! AND this man had a good education yet quit his job to write a book after they married. He says, "She will never be unemployed, she is a nurse."

    How would you deal with this?
    Last edit by pickledpepperRN on Jun 15, '03
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  2. 10 Comments

  3. by   sbic56
    "A nurse I work with is married to a man who will not let her read a book in the same room where he is watching TV! He won't let her go to another room either. She says he is jealous of anything that takes her attention away from him. That is why she id fearful of having a child.
    He calls a couple times a night while she is working! AND this man had a good education yet quit his job to write a book after they married. He says, "She will never be unemployed, she is a nurse."

    How would you deal with this?"



    WOW...that's some suffocating scenario, spacenurse. What to do? Just be a friend to her. She needs to decide that this life she is living needs changing. Sometimes it takes the one in it alot longer to accept the reality of a bad situation.
  4. by   gwenith
    Originally posted by spacenurse
    How about a thread just for this topic?

    Tell us what you think:
    Do most men take advantage?
    Do women take advantage?
    Does one sex or age group lie about it more than others?

    If you found out your partner was cheating what would you do?

    A nurse I work with is married to a man who will not let her read a book in the same room where he is watching TV! He won't let her go to another room either. She says he is jealous of anything that takes her attention away from him. That is why she is fearful of having a child.
    He calls a couple times a night while she is working! AND this man had a good education yet quit his job to write a book after they married. He says, "She will never be unemployed, she is a nurse."

    How would you deal with this?

    I think we all realise that this guy is equating power with love. The scenario will, in all probability lead to him gaining more and more control over her and the relationship becoming an abusive one. This is not a certainty but it definitely is a probablility.

    Unfrotunately the effect on her will be a slow erosion of her own self esteem and confidence. This may even affect her work where she starts finding it more and more difficult to make independant decisions and starts showing signc of nervousness and stress.

    I feel your distress as your own empathy reachs out to this freind. There is not a lot you can do except keep you door open for her.

    Let her know that she has a bolt hole if she truly needs it. I can't give more advice unless I talked with her directly to see what other stategies he is using on her and to determine the best method of dealign with them. The big question is what does he do to her if she does not comply?
  5. by   pickledpepperRN
    Thanks for the support!

    She said he cooks and cleans so she can sleep. He once threw a wet sponge at her because she was reading and didn't hear him talking to her.
    He has started coming in to bring her a meal. At 1:00 am!
    They've been married less than a year. She used to work days, but came to nights for the differential$$$

    She seems to think it is OK.
    Last edit by pickledpepperRN on Jun 15, '03
  6. by   sbic56
    She seems to think it is OK.
    If she really does think it is OK, then it is. From what you say about the relationship, I suspect she is trying to make the best of a bad situation and will come to her senses before long.
  7. by   canoehead
    HA! Does he let her do the housework , iron his shorts and make his meals while he is watching TV? The poor boy needs a dog, not a wife.
    If it was me there would never have been even a question...the first time he made that sort of demand I would be up in MY bed reading, and he would be ALONE on the sofa for the rest of the night.

    I feel for your friend. Funny how somethings we recognize right away as inappropriate, but those in abusive situations don't or can't see it.
  8. by   funnygirl_rn
    He sounds very needy & insecure.
  9. by   Mkue
    Tell us what you think:
    I think it works both ways, men and women take advantage of power. I don't know if one gender lies more than the other.


    If you found out your partner was cheating what would you do?
    Hmm. good question, my first thought is that I would confront him.


    I think we all realise that this guy is equating power with love. The scenario will, in all probability lead to him gaining more and more control over her and the relationship becoming an abusive one. This is not a certainty but it definitely is a probablility.
    I agree with gwenith.
  10. by   Rustyhammer
    This scenario is a precurser to wife-beating or other form of domestic violence.
    If that is how she choses to live, with someone being in control of her life and she is happy with it then more power to her.
    However if she would like to read a book or watch tv or work a whole shift without talking to her spouse she should probably get out of that marriage QUICK!
    I mean while she still can.
    I better hush before I get carried away here.
    -R
  11. by   kimmicoobug
    Potential wife beater behavior is what I call it. Your friend is probably making excuses for his behavior. My sister is seeing a guy who resembles this character. He is very controlling, but also flatters her with so much attention that it leaves her confused. When he drinks, he becomes violent and still excuses are made. She says, "well, he wouldn't do it if he weren't drinking." I can't say anything to her besides offer her words of encouragement because she just WILL not hear it.

    If you care about her friend, just be there for her. Hopefully, she will open her eyes to the situation and when this happens, she will need the support of a caring friend. (also thankful to hear that your friend doesn't have kids with the guy.)
  12. by   BadBird
    I just don't understand how a educated woman who can support herself would put up with such garbage !!!! He would be out like the trash he is. Oh well, I just don't tolerate that. If I chose to read a book cover to cover or if my hubby did that is ok with both of us. Although we enjoy out time together, we realize we need our own personal space too.

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