Sex vs. Intimacy

  1. This question was originally posed by Renee in another thread. She and I both thought it deserved it's own thread to attract serious attention. The question is aimed at the men here at allnurses, but we hope everyone will chime in with their thoughts and experiences. So sit back, have a drink, and tell us what you think...


    SEX is NOT the same as INTIMACY.....and I am STARVING for INTIMACY in this marriage of mine!!!

    My hubby knows all about sex.....we have great sex......we don't have anything close to INTIMACY....well.....sometimes he gets close enough to it, but most of the time, it seems to scare him.....it's like totally unfamiliar territory to him, and this is his second marriage (mine too). We've talked about it, but I don't think he gets it.

    So.............I would REALLY appreciate some MALE advice from my Allnurses brothers on here: Question for ya brothers.......what is it about INTIMACY that freaks men in general out, or is it just my husband???

    In my first marriage, we had the best intimacy possible, but sex with him was soooooooo NOT there.....we had it, but I wasn't "feeling it".....anyone know what I mean here? Speak up now!!!

    In my current marriage, things are just the opposite......the SEX is great......but there's no intimacy, and I am learning that sex without intimacy stinks....and I don't think I can stay in a relationship without intimacy anymore. I'm in that stage of life that REAKS of NOT "settling" anymore, but reaching for the "real juice in life". Any advice.......I'm game for it right now. Maybe I need to remarry hubby number one, keep hubby number two, and have the best of both worlds. NOT!!! HELLLLLLLLL NOOOOOOO....hubby number one wouldn't work......so......how can I up the ante in this marriage, or do I can it and move onward????

    PLEASE TAKE THIS SERIOUS GUYS, BECAUSE I AM SERIOUS AS A HEART ATTACK ABOUT THIS.
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  2. 107 Comments

  3. by   live4today
    Just want to thank you, Heather, for being able to move my post comments from another thread to its own thread because I wouldn't have known how. :kiss

    Come on guys......lurkers who have YET to post.....if you are a man.....I would love your input here. Help me please.....help a lot of us women to understand you better.....you know the answers to these questions and thoughts that are posed here......as women.....we do not because we are not men.....so help....we promise not to male bash here, but to try and sincerely understand what it is we are not "hearing" from one another in way of intimacy issues. I thank all men in advance from the bottom of my heart for you sincere contribution. Much love, Renee - Cheerfuldoer. :kiss
  4. by   OBNURSEHEATHER
    I just wanna hear the guys talk dirty

    Heather
  5. by   OBNURSEHEATHER
    Just kidding

    You're welcome Renee!

    Heather
  6. by   LasVegasRN
    I can't wait to see the thoughts on this one! C'mon Rusty, Giuseppe, Bob, Chuck, Dave, Big Daddy, Mark, DayRay, NMAguilar, CEN, Tom... not that I'm keeping track of the male members or anything... c'mon ALL you guys!!!
  7. by   live4today
    Originally posted by LasVegasRN
    I can't wait to see the thoughts on this one! C'mon Rusty, Giuseppe, Bob, Chuck, Dave, Big Daddy, Mark, DayRay, NMAguilar, CEN, Tom... not that I'm keeping track of the male members or anything... c'mon ALL you guys!!!
    Are you sure about that babygirl? :kiss
  8. by   Stargazer
    ... not that I'm keeping track of the male members or anything...
    (Doing her best Beavis and Butthead impression): Heh heh. You said "member". Heh heh heh.
  9. by   LasVegasRN
    I'm sure I forgot some. Oh yeah! donmurray, our Aussie man Joey, the nurse in Tennessee, the one in Arkansas... there's more, I'm sleepy... :chuckle
  10. by   live4today
    Oh yeahhhhhh...I love Aussie men.....come on in Joey....we won't bite....promise......I'm sleepy too, LasVegasRN. (yawning sweetly) :blushkiss

    Nighty night everyone...I'll be back bright and early.....unless we go to the first matinee in the morning to see Austin Powers.......YEAHHHH BABY!! :chuckle :kiss
  11. by   Bloke
    well intimacy can be a scary thing we men are often bought up to be rough and tuff and intimacy is for girls....well that's how i was raised.
    This over time has cost me a marriage and several girlfriends (and a lot of $$$) nowadays I am a different person, I have a new love and the sex is great and we are very close and talk about everything
    I have found it so easy talking with her ,I think it is something that either u click with someone or you don't.
    We met on the internet so we learnt to talk and express feelings perhaps more so than if we met in a conventional way this may well have been different.
    I am not an expert on love i have the failed relationships to prove it but in hindsight the key to a good relationship is both a good sex life and most importantly communication that is honest communication being able to say and mean i love you and sorting out differences in a calm way
    I hope this helps Heather
    maybe try telling your man what you feel
    also both of you read the book "His needs Her needs by Willard F Harley Jr
  12. by   nursegoodguy
    Sex vs Imtimacy... hmmmm Let me have a moment to collect my thoughts.
  13. by   nursegoodguy
    I'm still pondering...
  14. by   Rustyhammer
    Sex:
    Is putting your partners pleasure before your own.
    Is more than just insertion until climax.
    Is treating your partners body as a whole, not just THAT part.
    Is taking your time.
    Is knowing when to be gentle, knowing when to be fierce.
    Is basking in the afterglow.

    Intimacy:
    Is listening to what your partner has to say.
    Is holding hands.
    Is saying I love you when they don't expect it.
    Is always speaking highly of your partner, even when they aren't around.
    Is cuddling on the couch.
    Is remembering the things that they think you'll forget.
    Is giggling at the memories you've made together.
    Is kissing in a quiet restaurant.
    Is taking time to be together despite your busy life.
    Is being able to cry together.
    -Russell

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