Separation Anxiety

  1. I know this is going to sound crazy, but my youngest child is going to start college next year and I'm afraid to be without him. Right now it is just the two of us living together(long story), and when he leaves I will be alone in the house. Even though he is obnoxious, wants to leave the state, and really does have to grow up, what about me? I have been kind of thinking about moving to the state he goes to and getting a job there or getting a travel job in that area. Of course I have been 20 years at my job, which provides our income and health insurance. OK so what I need is someone(some nurses) to tell me that I am insane and help me over this hump. I think I can handle it, but I want to know others experiences. TIA.
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  2. 13 Comments

  3. by   classicdame
    If he is able to fend for himself that shows what a good job you did in bringing him up. So now it is YOUR turn to stretch your horizons. I highly recommend volunteering in the community, read those books you always meant to read, travel with friends ------

    Your son will want to become his own man and you need to be your own woman. That way the two of you will have plenty to talk about when you are together and you will grow personally and maybe even professionally. It is time to let go and see what kind of person you can become!

    I wish you lots of luck.
  4. by   santhony44
    Have you ever heard the term "helicopter parent?" That's a parent who hovers over a kid. (A kid who doesn't need to be hovered over).

    Don't do that. I know it's hard to let go but do it anyway.

    If you are otherwise good with where you are, stay there. Plan a couple of trips to visit your son when he's off at school. Research the area so that you know what attractions, shopping etc are in the area so that you'll have things to do with him, or on your own, when you visit. Visit once or twice a semester and he'll enjoy it. Hang around there all the time and he won't.

    Then find things to do with yourself! Do you have hobbies you enjoyed in the past but haven't had time to do for years? Does your house need redecorating? How about taking a class- something of either professional or personal interest? Volunteer. Find yourself some friends! Do things for other people.

    Find yourself again. Good luck to both of you.
  5. by   happydays352
    I think I'm closer to my parents emotionally now that I'm physically farther away. I appreciate them more and realize how lucky I am. Give him time to learn who he is and I bet you'll both have a better relationship.
  6. by   Altra
    I say this with the utmost respect: get a dog or other pet.

    I'm quite serious.

    While a parent & child can remain quite close throughout their lives, they are on different life trajectories. And it needs to be that way. You two are family, but you have your life and he is about to have his. Your comment that your son is "obnoxious ... and really does have to grow up ..." is telling. Regardless of whether your son goes to college across town or across the country I suspect that both of you would benefit from a little loosening of the apron strings. Your emotional relationship will not be the same, but it could very well end up better in the long run.
  7. by   rnmomtobe2010
    Aww man, I thought we were going to be talking about a baby or a small child. You are going to be ok. I promise. Like the previous poster stated, a pet would be nice.
  8. by   RNperdiem
    Reach out to your "network" for strength and company. Your friends, other family members, neighbors, members of organizations you attend-they are your network. Any friendships lapsing from lack of attention? Call a friend. Call a family member just to say hello. Join a bowling league. Volunteer. Consider dating.
  9. by   Tangerine Lipgloss
    Please don't move to the state he is attending college in. Set him free and leave him room to grow.

    You can find many ways to enjoy your newly found freedom. Enjoy. Everything is going to be ok.
  10. by   leslie :-D
    i agree w/the others.
    please do not move to the state where your son is going.
    this is not the basis of a healthy relationship.
    he needs and deserves the opportunity to start living life as an adult.
    you, otoh, need to let go.
    start focusing on your own interests.
    if you don't have any, you need to develop some.
    only through some space, will it enable you to be together.

    wishing you and your son, the best of everything.

    leslie
  11. by   vashtee
    I feel for you, RNgonewild! My son is a Junior, and I cried when I took him to look at Universities this summer. I'd be tempted to follow him, too, if I didn't have a younger daughter.

    **hugs**

    BTW - a pet is only a good idea if you like animals.
  12. by   Zookeeper3
    our job as parents is to grow and nurture our kids into functional independent adults. It just got here quicker than you thought it would Be proud, encourage and yep, time to let go. I've had to do it too, then you relish being very proud of the independent person that they've become and your relationship is different, but wonderful. You'll appreciate it, even with the distance. And don't call every day! let your kid call you and if a week has passed, then it's ok.

    We're now 20 minutes from each other, I give my daughter space, leave a phone message that I miss her, hope all is well and ya know what? She'll come over for days in a row with her friends and hang out, then we won't see her for 2-3 weeks, it's on HER terms, and I'm happy when she chooses us, and don't use guilt or other means to make it sooner. You'll find this more of value, trust me, been there, been wrong, fixed it and love how it is now.
  13. by   Katnip
    I'm reminded of the old saying about how child rearing is about giving them roots first, then wings. I honestly do believe he'll grow to love you even more when he has time to learn to be his own person.

    I love your forum name: RN gone wild. Go a little wild yourself. Is there a place you've always wanted to visit? Grand Canyon, London, Paris, Beijing. Hobbies you thought might look interesting: knitting, kayaking, sky diving. Search the 'net for groups and clubs in your county. I found a bunch of women who just go to movies once a month. A book club. A wine tasting group. An outdoor club with a division for those who aren't that outdoorsy. There are tons of classes offered community colleges and recreational departments. Look at some and find something that looks like fun.
  14. by   Tweety
    Quote from MLOS
    I say this with the utmost respect: get a dog or other pet.

    I'm quite serious.
    After my divorce and having to live alone I can't say how much my pets have helped ease the loneliness.

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