Self-worth issue in a friend

  1. Hi all, I have a situation which may seem silly to you but I am a little worried about. One of my very best friends, my roommate actually, seems to be starting to base her self-worth on the fact that she is somewhat overweight. She is one of the smartest and kindest people that I know but lately she says quite often "I'm too fat for that" "That's because I'm fat" "I wish I weren't so fat" etc. as if that makes her worse of a person. In a kind of joking tone but not exactly. I don't know what to say. I almost feel guilty that I am not overweight. I want to approach this some sensitive way but I don't know what to say. I apologize because I am not sure my point is coming across clearly but maybe you will be able to figure it out anyhow. If not let me know and I will try to clarify.
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  2. 6 Comments

  3. by   mattsmom81
    Sounds like she needs to take action on the things she would like to change about herself. In most cases, people CAN lose weight...and a healthier lifestyle, exercise, and a change in eating habits will likely help her if she wishes to change.

    It isn't your job to 'fix' her self esteem issue, but do encourage her to take charge of her life...if something is making us unhappy we need to acknowledge that . We always have choices.

    There are plenty of groups such as Weight Watchers, TOPS, and places like Curves that help women get control of their eating habits and lifestyles. Also there are websites with support groups...your friend is definitely not alone in fighting the 'battle of the bulge'...LOL!

    If she is using her weight as an excuse and is feeling sorry for herself, she must not be too fun to be around......don't cater to her too much or you will reward her in her self pity. Sounds harsh but its tough love.
  4. by   nurseygrrl
    She may be using food to fill a void. Usually the issues are deeper than just the weight. If she can get through some life problems she may be having, it will be easier for her to lose the weight.
  5. by   jnette
    Couldn't agree more with both above posts... be kind, but don't allow HER problem to become YOUR problem; her misery YOUR misery.
  6. by   perfectbluebuildings
    thanks for your suggestions! I guess I can wait and see if she asks me for any advice about losing weight- she is a pre-med major and a smart girl so she knows physiologically what it takes, it is just the will power to do itmaybe. She tried the south beach diet at the start of the school year but got sick from it so dropped off of it; I was just wondering if there is any tactful way AT ALL to suggest that she start exercising more. Because I know I am not her "mom" and it is not really my place, so I guess I should leave that alone.
    Also, just to let you know, thus far she has not let this take over her life; it is not a major thing but a small insinuating thing that seems it COULD get bigger. she is still fun to be around! thanks for your insights and I will definitely keep them in mind!!! more advice is more than welcome! I really appreciate it.
  7. by   UK2USA
    If she is having problems then stating that she is overweight or pointing her in the direction of weightwatchers may make her feel worse. A more indirect approach may be to start doing some active hobbies together, get her to enjoy an active lifestyle rather than focus on the weight loss aspect. Just a suggestion.

    PS get all the Haagen Daz out of the fridge!!!
  8. by   perfectbluebuildings
    Quote from UK2USA
    If she is having problems then stating that she is overweight or pointing her in the direction of weightwatchers may make her feel worse. A more indirect approach may be to start doing some active hobbies together, get her to enjoy an active lifestyle rather than focus on the weight loss aspect. Just a suggestion.

    PS get all the Haagen Daz out of the fridge!!!

    Thanks UK2USA!!! That is just the kind of thing I was looking for; I realized that suggestions or outright comments would hurt her feelings and wanted to help without being hurtful. Very much thanks!!!!

    PS- Are you SURE about the Haagen Daz??? but I want some!!
    (just kidding)

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