Self pitying rant

  1. Ok, In the scheme of things in today's times my problems are miniscule. However that doesnt stop me from getting upset about them from time to time. Tonight my hubby hurt my feelings. He was upset about finances (ooh there's a shocker) Anyway I was trying to make him see the better side of the situation. So I said "We've come along way baby" to which he said "what do ya mean" I said "well just look at the last five years, arent we alot better off today than we were 5 yrs ago?" So he hesitates which torked me to begin with so then he says "Frankly NO" Ok now I am pyzzed. I told him that he needed to stop talking to me and go to bed before I said something I would regret. Being the smart man that he is he went to bed. Great now I have noone to rant at. So I came here.
    A little back ground. BTW I know I am long winded so if you are already bored to tears feel free to stop here I understand. Ok so, I married my hubby a few days after my 16th birthday. I had come from a very poor and abusive background. Anyway my hubby pretty much raised me and for the most part did a pretty good job. We had baby #1 healthy, hubby worked, still poor. Baby #2 not so healthy, hubby worked, I cleaned houses, still poor. Now HUGE medical bills. I decided to go back to school for GED hubby very supportive. Did well there so went on to nursing school. Took me awhile DT baby #2 health probs. but I did it. Been working now for about 4 yrs. Just this last Nov 20002 we finally pulled our selves out of medical debt. After 19 yrs and a bankruptsy. It took along time but we are finally doing ok and have good credit. Even got approved for a home loan. Havent bought one yet though.
    Anyway How in the he** can he say we are not doing better. I felt like it was a slap in the face. I felt like telling him "Hey buddy I have fought like heck to improve our situation. I give 95% of my income to the budget and I dont cost you one red cent I pay for my own clothes, gas in car, meds, MD appt. and any extra's we may incur out of the money that is left after the 95% I contribute to the budget. If that is not good enough then you get off your happy little a** and go after what you want." I know that is nasty and I didnt say it but I wanted too. Ok I am done ranting. Our lives really are pretty good and we are happy most of the time. Sorry post is so long.
  2. 11 Comments

  3. by   LilgirlRN
    (((((((((angelbear))))))))))))) you go ahead and rant all you want. Men are retarded, I am convinced of this. Maybe he'll see things better after a good night's sleep, or even better, slip in the bed with him and make him KNOW things are wonderful now
  4. by   angelbear
    LilgirlRN that is great advise. I think I will try it. He really is a great guy just a little anal retentive some times.
  5. by   Gator,SN
    Its all in your prospective. Sometimes when you have been through a lot you can stand and be proud and feel like you have conquered the world. Other times not. I used to think that I'd be farther ahead in my life at this age in terms of career or money. But tomorrow I may feel differently. Don't get too upset. Things change and we are all moody sometimes. You have accomplished a lot in a short period of time. Pat yourself on the back. The way that you feel or look at something is more important for self satisfaction than anything else!
    Best to you!
  6. by   ziggyRn
    I think you have done really well...
    You have come a long way.

    But you do need to explore why he thinks like it warranted ...then it would be a good idea to look at the situation differently.
    If not reasonable...then you need to explore a deeper issue.
    My two cents, all the best Zig.
  7. by   JonRN
    I completely understand your perspective even though I am a retard (per lilgirl). All I can say is you probably caught him at a bad time. He probably doesn't really feel this way and is most likely very proud of you and your accomplishments. I say give him another chance. I came from a similar background as you did, and believe me if anyone here understands how difficult it is to rise above your beginnings, it is me, for whatever that is worth.
  8. by   angelbear
    Thanks to all. It has been a few hours and I have had time to think. Also spent sometime reading other stuff. I am not really angry at hubby. He is upset because our oldest turned 18 and moved out this yr. That plus the fact that we are now in a higher tax bracket means our taxes were greatly affected just barely broke even. He is a good, decent, hardworking, Loving and dedicated man. Now that I think about it I realize he was not aiming comments at me. He is discouraged that we are being penalized for doing better. He has mentioned it before I dont know why I didnt realize that before. Guess I was just wearing my heart on my sleeve. For the record he tells me all the time that he is proud of me and he shows it every day in a million ways. Guess I just needed to be a selfish brat for a bit. I am over it now. Thanks all for caring enough to respond.
  9. by   RNforLongTime
    angelbear, your husband and my husband sound alike. I am in debt myself, which my husband knew about BEFORE we were married. I pay all my own bills out of my salary, buy my own clothes, makeup, medicines, pay for my own car and insurance plus I pay the utilities and he makes the house payment. We take turns paying for meals out and such. Actually, I supoorted him for 6 months while he was going to school and NOW he isn't even employed in the field that he went to school for (pharmacy tech). THAT's another issue....oh I could go on but this rant isn't about me! I can relate and emphathize with you.

    I salute you for pulling yourself up by your bootstraps! Ya done good!
  10. by   LilgirlRN
    Sorry Jon, that comment wasn't directed at you. Men just don't think the way women do (the correct way, lol). Makes it difficult to communicate when you don't speak the same language emotionally. Some men can actually do this, communicate effectively with women. Seems like when I try to get to a good point of communication with a guy he feels like I'm trying to pin him in or something when all I am trying to do is really understand what he means. I think I ask too many questions or something.
  11. by   Tweety
    You come a long way. Perhaps he just isn't where he wants to be, or planned on being, but who is.
  12. by   BadBird
    Lilgirl, you are so damm funny, I love the all men are retarded comment. I laughed so hard I almost pizzed myself. Angelbear, everyone gets frustrated at times go ahead and vent away. You have a lot to be proud of and I am sure your hubby sees it that way too.
  13. by   emily_mom

    Because he pizzed you off, you weren't able to have a rational conversation with him. Maybe now that you've had this time to cool down and get some advice, you can sit and talk with him. There have to be other issues. Maybe it's an insecurity issue.

    Good luck to you and your hubby!