School bullies

  1. My son is in the 6'th grade.
    He came to me tonight at bedtime crying. He says he has no friends at school and there is a group of boys that call him names and sometimes hit him.
    He isn't afraid to tell but he knows that he will just get in more trouble with the boys if he rats them out so he says nothing.
    He doesn't want me to go to the school because if the school does anything he will get harrassed or slapped.
    He told me today they were watching a movie and when the teacher left the room this group started yelling at him to "move his big head" and other not so nice things.
    It tears me apart to hear this. Not to mention that I have been getting on his case lately for not doing his duties at home like he should etc..
    What should I do? I am thinking I should call the principal because the hitting has to stop! He says that one of the kids hits him 2-3 times a week and is much bigger than my son.
    Poor kid. I guess it's been going on for awhile.
    Realize that this is a very small school system. I could pull him out and place him elsewhere I guess but the nearest other school is 30 miles away.
    Advice is appreciated.
    -Russell
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  2. 71 Comments

  3. by   gwenith
    Rusty there are lots and lots of sites on school bullying and yes it has to stop. Before it alters his self eteem, before it affects his grades and before it affects your family. If you can't find any good sites PM me and I will follow the links I have (mostly adult workplace) and see what I can dig up.
  4. by   NRSKarenRN
    Similar things happened to my oldest---in 6th Grade too! No amout of turn thy other check, don't let it get to you, reporting to teacher worked. His best friend Russ had suddenly grown up and attended public school--1 foot taller. Since the kids were going to public school following year, he told them to watch for his freind when they got there. He took Russ to school dance to introduce his friend--some backed off.

    Kid who was SMALLEST poked and proded him behind teachers back. Met with principle...continued. Finally told him he needed to call their bluff, stand tall and lookem in the eye that if hetouched him again, expect to be on the floor. Told principle we decided he HAD to defend himself even if suspended.

    Once he told the kid off, he backed down---become friends in 8th grade. Next year Russ wanted to know why some kids were afraid of him, LOL.

    Don't know if it applies to your son.
  5. by   sunnygirl272
  6. by   Rustyhammer
    Thanks guys.
    My heart is HURTING for him.
    -Russell
  7. by   RRMLPN
    This just rips at my heart and i am so sorry your son is having to experience anything like this. My daughter went through something similiar due to her speech problem, I finally went to the principal and demanded he take action, i was sick of my child coming home crying everyday and seeing bruises on her. Not only that but it was beginning to hurt her grades and of course her attitude about school in general, not to mention her already low self-confidence.
    Taking that action helped a little, then i signed her up for martial arts classes and gave her as much support as could and gradually the situation changed, but it was not an overnight change like i would have liked to see. She has gained in confidence, knowing she can protect herself if necessary, but i can still see long term effects from being treated the way she was treated by her peers. She's now 16 and doing well, but she still remembers. I wish your son the very best and my heart goes out to both of you.

    Becky.
  8. by   sunnygirl272
    i went through this as a 7th grader in Middle school...was the victim of a bus-bully..big tough broad nicknamed Trooper. she was in 8th grade, shoulda been in 9th or 10th....she'd make fun of me, push me, call me names, not let anyone move over for me to wit w/ them , so i had to stand..( i was one of the last stops to get picked up)...finally my mom started getting up early to drive me...once i got to high school i started bussing again. it was awful , i already had selfesteem issues, that only exacerbated and compounded them.
    <shudders>
  9. by   Rapheal
    Sixth grade is sooooo hard on all the kids. This is the worst age for boys and girls. Both my kids went through this and it worked itself out just fine. But I know how much you must hurt. It does rip your heart out. I remember the tears and feeling like I failed to protect my kids. Then a couple of weeks later all would be fine. Then it would start up again. I am not trying to make light of what is a painful situation for you and your son. Experience has taught me that this is normal at this age and things will get better. Good thoughts your way, and please keep us posted.
  10. by   Hidi74
    I also went thru the same kind of stuff in 6th and 7th grade. And of course it was the guy that I had a huge crush on that was always picking on me. I was the only girl that he was mean to. After about 3 years of this I had finally had enough....I will never forget , I was in 8th grade and he kept on an on and on.....Well I took my bic pen and stabbed him in the knee. Not deep enough to really matter but enough to where he cried. The teacher must have been waiting for me to stand up to him cause she applauded me and sent HIM to the office......hehehehe. I have never been so proud of myself. I never even got into trouble, hehehe. I saw him years later and guess who wanted to hook up w/ me.......yup!!!! NOT!!!! I asked him if he still had that ink stain..lol. I told him maybe he should have been nicer back then and I would have been so very nice to him.......( evil grin) Oh well......he is selling used cars,has 4 kids by 3 different moms and has gained like 100 pounds. THAT is what happens to bullies!!!!

    Oh sorry Rusty....I started having flashbacks. I almost want to tell you to teach him to punch....but I know thats not the politically correct way to handle things. And I don't have kiddos so I am just guessing there.Maybe have him take Karate or somthing so If he needed at any time to defend himself he could. I know the answer to violence isn't more of it.....but geez...if they are hitting him!!!!!
  11. by   canoehead
    Rusty,

    Perhaps you could have a discrete chat with the teacher and get his seat moved for starters. A discussion on bullying to the whole class might be appropriate for the teacher to initiate.

    Second step would be for you to put on your most ripped leathers and roar into the parking lot on your
    Harley, as a guest speaker on issues for budding teenage boys. Mentioning how your son has enrolled in martial arts and is soooo gifted- like his Dad, and that you choose not to fight but when you do the other guy gets laid out flat.

    Next, of course you will be teaching your son at home how to take someone out in one punch...he may have to do it. I think it might just take the one time to impress the group. One thing is for sure, he can't go on being stepped on by his peers.
    Good luck
  12. by   RNIAM
    I am sorry your having to deal with this. I wish I had the answer.I was bullied as a child and I never could figure out the why's then. Maybe you can have a descrete conversation with his teacher?
    oops I posted the same as above sorry.
  13. by   boggle
    Oh Rusty, what a tough time for your son.

    Bullies push other people around because they CAN!
    They won't stop till someone makes them stop.

    It's just as bad with girls, but they use shunning, teasing and taunting more than their fists, (but not always.)

    Yes, tell your kid it's not his fault. Yes, tell the teacher. Schools are obligated to put a stop to this during school time, and that includes the bus ride too. Hitting cannot be tolerated. I our school system, hitting is handled with conference, then suspension with counseling, then expulsion or placement in alternative ed.


    I hope you find the the resources that can help you to empower your son to become more "bully proof". Hope you find the tools for that in the posted links.
  14. by   Tweety
    No advice. I'm so glad you care enough about your son. Your a great dad.

    I was a bullied child and my heart goes out to him.

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