Scare tactics or not?

  1. Remember we found out that our 17-yr-old daughter had driven after drinking on New Year's Eve? Hubs suggested I talk to one of the cops I know. He (cop) suggested bringing her to the station and he could talk to her, show her around, tell her step by step what happens when a juvenile is arrested for DUI. I asked him if he could go so far as to cuff her and let her sit in the drunk tank for a little while, and he said his supervisor would let him do that if he has the parents' permission.

    I say Yes. So does Hubs. Friend says that's too much.

    Whatcha think?
  2. 14 Comments

  3. by   AuntieRN
    I say go for it. Some times drastic measures is what works best. I sometimes think if my parents had done this with my brother when he was younger...then perhaps he would not have the problem/addiction he has now. I am sorry you are going through this Tazzi.
  4. by   Spidey's mom
    I say go for it too - as long as he says something like "this is how it will feel to be handcuffed" and "here is the holding tank for people arrested for DUI".

    Ya gotta make an impression somehow - I dunno what works truly. Sometimes I just think it is in their DNA. My son's school did "Every 15 Minutes" and he was part of the accident, flown to the hospital, died in the ER where I had to ID him - this was all filmed. At the funeral, kids were sobbing and it was very emotional. One of the girls who was the most stressed and moved was out drinking the next weekend.

    It did make an impression on my oldest son. Not my #2 son.

    Just do your best and keep talking.

  5. by   TazziRN
    My daughter's school doesn't do the Every 15 Minutes thing. I think they should. It's done every year in this county but not in hers.
  6. by   Spidey's mom
    Quote from TazziRN
    My daughter's school doesn't do the Every 15 Minutes thing. I think they should. It's done every year in this county but not in hers.
    It was very moving . . . . I was pregnant at the time and emotional enough . . . . . they filmed me talking to the doc and a nurse about my son dying and I was sobbing . . . my DON walked by and wanted to know if I was ok - she didn't know about the filming that day and thought I was really crying and I guess I was . . . . they filmed me walking into the ER and going behind the curtain to see my son lying on the gurney, dead.

    The hardest part for me was prior to the filming when I got to the ER to see my son standing there with his "makeup" of blood on and bandages and talking/joking with the EMT's . . . . I started crying then and it was harder than when we filmed . . .

    I think it is a good program . . . but it isn't going to work with everyone.

  7. by   bethin
    Do it.

    I remember in hs right before prom, a film was shown (with the parents permission) that showed accident scenes where alcohol was a factor. It was set to Phil Collins "In the Air Tonight" and when I hear that song, I always think of the photo they showed where a kids leg had been cut off in the accident. Was lying in the middle of the ditch without a shoe - the shoe had been thrown off him during impact.

    Ten plus years later, my classmates still think of that film and think the same thing when they hear that song. Even the jocks were crying during it.
  8. by   bethin
    Maybe a talk with a parent that has lost a child to drunk driving? I'm sure MADD would be more than happy to do that for you.
  9. by   NurseyBaby'05
    I don't think it is going to make a difference if she wants to drink. Cuffing her and the like might make her dig he heels in more and block out the whole message. Kids can sniff out when people are trying to strong arm/scare them. I think a down to earth heart-to-heart from someone that's not Mom or Dad (i.e. the police officer) will be far more effective in the long run.

    Those tactics kind of remind me of the movie Reefer Madness and the like. They were so over the top that when the consequences in them didn't pan out in real life, their whole message wound up being discounted as a bunch of bs.
  10. by   ktwlpn
    Quote from stevielynn
    Ya gotta make an impression somehow - I dunno what works truly. Sometimes I just think it is in their DNA.
    When I was a teen my mom found my stash of pot and called the cops to the house.I still did not grow up --until I was about 27.I can tell you many of the things that were wrong while I was a kid -lack of supervision,communication-lack of guidance. My mother was widowed at 43 and had to work to keep a roof over both our heads.I understand that now-I know how tired and stressed she was.But then I just knew she worked lots of weekends and holidays and had little patience for my teenage angst...and after taking care of my father for 6 yrs before he died of cancer she was really TIRED...and I was really ANGSTY. I could sometimes smack the taste out of my son's mouth because he can be a little turd but he can also surprise me with his kindness,sensitivity and sense of humor and I know he knows how lucky he really is to have 2 healthy parents with a decent income.We're home....all of us together.No one has to work 3 jobs or 18 hr days . We all get a kick out of love family game nights.How many almost 17 yr old kids want to play Monopoly with their moms and dads once in a while? He may not be a scholar and I know he has tasted a bit of beer or booze but he is not mean or un-happy and that's saying something...He's not drinking or smoking it up all the time and he's got decent grades .What more can I ask for from the little turd? Oh yeah-he did go to 2 Nine Inch Nails shows with me (no one else would) . Even if our kids go through a rough patch they can survive and the relationship you can have with them when they finally "grow up" will make up for any heartache.I know my mom and I were really close and before she died I knew she forgave me for my being such a little turd when I was trying to grow up.It took me a few more years to forgive myself for putting her through hell but I finally did....My son is not yet driving-we have re-enforced that if he is out and drinking or smoking does occur that his dad and I will pick him up,pick up his friends,drive them home with no questions asked.If I caught him driving drunk we'd go to the LTC -so he could meet the perpetually vegetative "teenagers"..We have a few that have been with us for 10 to 15 yrs because they drove drunk or drugged-up at 17 or 18 yrs of age.I know it would scare him-alot.Maybe more so then the police would...Is there a rehab locally that has a program for teen offenders? Many do around here.Good luck-I just keep telling myself that it's just as hard being the kid as it is being the grown up..
  11. by   TazziRN
    The fact that she drank isn't the issue. The fact that she drove is. And it would not have happened if she lived with us. She lives with her mother (term used loosely) and stepfather and no supervision. She has a good relationship with us and she knows that if needed she could call us for a ride, no questions asked. Unfortunately the two homes are 100 miles apart. I need to teach her that even 100 miles is not an excuse, that I would have driven up there to get her and get her home safely.
  12. by   bethin
    Tazzi, my parents told me and my bro the same thing. No matter where you are or what time it is, if you have been drinking to call them.

    Know what? Too embarrassed to have my parents see me drunk that I never drank unless I had a very sober driver. My brother didn't either. But it sounds like you have a pretty open relationship with your stepdaughter and my relationship with mine was not open - heck, they still don't know about the abusive relationship I was in during high school.

    It's better now.
  13. by   SuesquatchRN
    Tazzi, could you arrange a credit deal with a car service in her area? That she could call any time, day or night, and they would come and get her home safely, no questions asked? Maybe you could pay the bill in advance?

    Kids are so convinced of their own immortality at that age.

    Fingers crossed.
  14. by   TazziRN
    Beth, she initially told me she had been driven home by a sober friend, for which I praised her, but something about her story didn't sound right so we checked with the mother. She had driven herself. She's not in trouble with us for drinking, but for lying and driving under the influence. Had she really had a sober driver, that would have been the end of it.