Sadness interrupted our July 4th weekend

  1. My grandmother passed away last wednesday night. We burried her on Saturday. It was one of the saddest and angriest times I have ever dealth with. I will try and explain. The granny that passed was my husbands step dad's mother. She was A catholic of Italian disent. She was a lovely woman as is her husband.She had five children 3 sons and two daughters. The sadness is for her sons. the anger is towards the daughters. The oldest daughter is a snob and has treated my mother-in-law very poorly since she married her brother. It doesn't seem to matter how hard we try, she keeps digging her claws into all of us.My mother-in-law in not catholic nor is she italian and she was married before(are you getting why she was looked down upon?) Anyways on the day of the funeral the cars were lined up in order. Our car was second as we are the children of the first born son. The rest of the cars were lined up accodingly. The daughter of the eldest sister was behind us and not happy that we were put in front of her in the precessional. As we were moved ahead of her car we could here her cursing at us, and then she proceeded to put her middle finger up at us. This is just the first part. Then, my sister-in-law was asked to do a reading. The faimily didn't like that idea and chose a second cousin to it instead! My sister-in-law was in tears, those jerks did this just before we were ready to enter the church. Then to top it all off at the lunch after the funeral My husband and I were up getting our food,when the nasty sister said that her family should have been called up to eat before non-family members. She made that comment and then with contempt looked directly at me!!
    I have never been so hurt in all my life. Why do people have to be this way? What makes them think that they are better than everyone else?
  2. 15 Comments

  3. by   MollyMo
    Stupid, ignorant, small-minded. Take your pick. Deepest sympathies to you and yours who truly have lost a loved one. Be blessed.
  4. by   bandaidexpert
    I am truly sorry for your loss. Always remember some people are just born nasty. We are all here for you. :kiss
  5. by   Robin61970
    There are horrible people out there who act in these manners no matter what you do........sad for them because someday it will bite them in the butt.........
  6. by   Sleepyeyes
    (((rhona)))) I'm so sorry this happened.

    I have had a similar personal experience. Very sad that people behave like that. I hope I never get that low.
  7. by   nursegoodguy
    Sorry for you loss and the behavior you had to put up with... Giving you the finger at a funeral... Oh My God! I think there's a family member in every family like that... I'd cut that nasty family member off whenever possible! Have nothing to do with her. They only act this way because nobody stands up to them. It might not change how they act if you do but they'll sure think twice about it the next time!
  8. by   RNinICU
    In my experience with dealing with blended families, there is often an issue of control. Sounds like this person wanted to be in control, and was not able to be. I am very sorry for your loss, and you will be in my prayers.
  9. by   thisnurse
    im so sorry for your loss. what a time to play those games.
    yeah there seems to always be someone in the family like that.
    when we buried my grandma i couldnt have cared where my car was in the procession. i was too overcome with where i was going.
    hopefully you will never have to deal with them again
  10. by   warrior woman
    Dear Rhona, Let me just tell you a few simple truths. First of all, those ignorant jerks are not worthy of you or your precious time. Besides, the day will come when their chickens come home to roost and they will realize that anger and bitterness will only beget more of the same. Know that you are loved here no matter what. We will ALL stand with you and support you so hang on you hear? If you ever need a shoulder to cry on use mine THEY'RE VERY WIDE. LOVE TO YOU AND Peace. Warrior Woman
  11. by   live4today
    (((((Rhona))))) My prayers are with you at this time of grief and sorrow in your family's life. Pray for those wo despitefully use...abuse... you. Do NOT stoop to their level of negative behavior. Turn that family member over to God, and pray that she receives a healing for whatever it is that makes her act out so angrily against others. Fighting fire with fire only breeds...MORE FIRE, but fighting those flames with water, douses out the sting..."It is better for us to be hated for who we are than to be hated for who we are NOT!" (That quote belongs to: Andre Gide...and he couldn't have spoken more truthful words for our soul). May your rest tonight be peaceful and free of anger towards your relative who would not act out as she does if she had the love of God in her heart. She is blind from this truth, therefore...the anger she exhibits towards you. Love on her with Agape love, and be careful not to act out in hatred towards her lest your attitude and spirit become like hers.. :kiss :angel2:
    Last edit by live4today on Jul 8, '02
  12. by   formernurse
    So sorry for the loss of your grandma---she sounds like she was one special lady. Also sorry for the crapola you had to put up with from those immature family members. Try to forget them, and focus on the beautiful memories you made with your grandma. Blessings to you.
  13. by   nursedawn67
    My husband and I went through a similiar experience when his step sister died, we were very close to her. My husband was not allowed to ride in the family car, was stuck in the back at the graveside not with the other brothers and sisters, and was listed as "step brother" in the obit, way at the bottom not really with the other family members. His other step sisters (who we are not close with) even said to him "thanks for coming" like we were just some people that happened to show up for the funeral. And his adoptive father blamed us for her death, because we introduced her to the man she died with. (they moved up north to a very little cabin. Had been out for the evening, lit a candle when they came back. Someone or the pup knocked the candle over and they died in their sleep fromt he smoke and burns.) Very said that deaths become like this, people squabbling and arguing over things.
  14. by   BadBird
    So sorry for you loss. As for the idiot family members , ignore them and don't even treat them like family because they sure don't act like it.