Rape and how we see Rape

  1. http://jezebel.com/5950800/wisconsin...ium=socialflow
    Almost a year ago, a freshman state representative in Wisconsin named Roger Rivard (a Republican, if you can bring yourself to believe it), told the Chetek Alert newspaper something that raised a not insignificant number of eyebrows across the state. In discussing the case of 17-year-old high school senior charged with sexual assault for having sex with an underage girl, Rivard related a little piece of wisdom his dear father imparted to him: "some girls rape easy."I just read this bit of fluff and it got me to thinking about how we throw this word rape around so easily. It is used pro and con about abortions. It is used to describe how land and the enviroment in general is being abused.

    Many of us have intimate knowledge of rape, either our own, or a friend, relative, or co-worker. Reading this quote actually made me ill. I realize what he was attempting to impart to his son. I also realize the message he did give to his son.

    It is this message that seems to me to be at the heart of much of the legislation being offered by some legislators. "Women cannot be trusted." "Men know better than women and know what is real rape." Such ignorance must be addressed directly.

    Rape is not about sex. All of us know this. It uses sex as a weapon. We all know this.

    How can we go forward when our legislators will not accept this?
    What did you learn about rape? Who did you learn it from? How has it impacted your life?
  2. 48 Comments

  3. by   Poi Dog
    I will violate TOS if I do not use the filter from my brain to fingers typing.
  4. by   bushambo
    To me, rape is the most heinous crime of all. It is a violation of her body.
    Ant "man" who violates a woman should never have the opportunity of getting near a woman again.
  5. by   TopazLover
    Thank you for your comments. I do hope we get maor participation in this topic. The word rape is thrown around a great deal and there are so many wrong statements being made about rape.

    A couple of months ago we had the "legitimate rape comments in terms of possible prenancies. One of our VP candidates was trying to identify "forcible rape".

    Rape is not limited to women as the recent trial of Jerry Sandusky points out.

    Poi, if you are able to write within TOS I hope you do. I know you have important things to say and there are people who would benefit by your input. I also know this is a terrible topic. Do what feels right.
  6. by   herring_RN
    As a teen and young adult I would have died rather than be raped.
    Once I was foolish enough to go to the apartment of a young man I met in a bookstore. He was the author of a book of poetry. His picture was on the back cover. he asked me if I'd read it and I told hom, "No.'
    He said he lived nearby and if i follow him he would give me a copy and autograph it.
    At his place he asked me to remove my blouse. I refused and he showed me a kitchen knife in his hand. I yanked the knife from his hand by the blade. He got nervous, went to the door, and opened it saying, "You must be a *** **** virgin."
    I ran to my friends apartment. I was bleeding but the cut wasn't deep.
    I know he would have had to kill me before i would be raped.

    At age 19 I was walking from the gym to my Grandmas place. It was a dark winter evening about 6:00 pm. i was wearing tights with a leotard over them, a shirt, and jacket.
    I heard foot steps behind me. Suddenly a man put his hand over my mouth and pulled me into an ally. he was trying to pull my clothing down but couldn't with the leotard over the ballet tights. He dropped me backwards on the asphalt
    hitting the back of my head pretty hard. He grabbed my jacket lifting and then dropping me. Then I screamed and wet my pants. He ran away. He didn't rob me.
    I went back to the street and flagged down a police car. They asked me, "Was he Black?" I told them I never saw his face and asked for a ride home. I agreed to file a report. They told me a report would do no good. They refused to drive me to my Grandma's place.
    Grandma knew something was wrong, but it was years before I told her what happened. I should have.

    After I married and had children I rethought my earlier conviction. I knew I wanted to live to raise my kids. I would fight and try to get away but not to the point of losing my life.
    I thought that if raped and pregnant i would have the baby. I still don't know whether my husband and i would have raised a rapists child or given him or her up for adoption.
    We were God parents for our son's best friend. If anything had happened to his mother we would have raised him. She is a friend to this day.
    My parents had the same agreement with close friends of theirs. They died together in a car wreck and their daughter has been my sister since she was two.
    But I don't know how we would have felt about a rapists child. I'm glad we never had to make that choice.

    I still run the other way if I hear foot steps behind me.
    Last edit by herring_RN on Oct 12, '12 : Reason: multiple typos
  7. by   Davey Do
    Quote from aknottedyarn
    "some girls rape easy."
    Yeah. His statement is akin to saying something like "Some Girls Defile and Murder easy". What a Putz.

    Thanks for sharing AKY, Poi, Michael, and Herring.
  8. by   BCgradnurse
    I have cared for victims of various crimes in the past, and nothing destroys the soul of a person like rape. It needs to be taken seriously and not diminished by idiots.
  9. by   TopazLover
    Moraga School District: Child sex abuse victim was 'careless and negligent' - Inside Bay Area
    MORAGA -- Kristen Cunnane was "careless and negligent" and contributed to her ongoing sexual abuse at the hands of a middle school teacher, the Moraga School District claimed in its first legal response to the UC Berkeley swim coach's lawsuit against the school district and three former administrators.
    The district and three other defendants claim Cunnane "was herself responsible for the acts and damages of which she claims," in the Oct. 24 legal filing.

    I understand the legalize of this. I still cannot accept that any attorney would use such a defense when the child was 12-13 and reported it repeatedly. An honest look is needed and it seems very prejudical to claim such a thing about a child.
  10. by   GHGoonette
    AKY, your last post illustrates the quandary rape victims find themselves in; to report and be raped again by a system that either disbelieves, or makes of her the guilty party, or stay quiet and crawl into a corner to lick her wounds. How many studies have been done to determine the ratio of rapes committed to those reported? It's estimated here that less than 50% of all rape cases are reported to the police, and in the case of child molestation, the figure is even lower.
  11. by   TopazLover
    When our leaders discuss rape with ignorance it does not help the people who have been raped. It is a topic that needs much more education and openess rather than to hide it and allow those who want to revictimize people to get away with it.

    Many do not even recognize they are revictimizing because they have incorrect info.
  12. by   BostonTerrierLoverRN
    And I had the audacity to wonder why so much rape and sexual abuse went unreported. Did you guys hear about the woman they kept in a Detention Center to make sure she was there to testify? I think the US Government treats Victims as Non-Victims until they are proved victims.

    I am not going to sit here and pretend to know what it must be like, but my first instinct would be to get in a bathtub and scrub, followed by a shower long before considering "evidence" or going to a PD or ER. I join the first poster as I cannot say what I would really like to say about rapists and sexual predators- it would DEFINITELY be my last allowed post.
  13. by   TopazLover
    Courthouse News Service
    DAYTON, Ohio (CN) - After two high school boys raped a girl on campus, the school suspended her for three days, while the boys' only punishment was to be kicked out of drama club, the girl's parent claim in Federal Court.

    The family claims that D.H. told only defendant Terry Logan, the school principal. They says that Logan "failed to appropriately discipline J.W. and G.W., removing them from their drama club but allowing them to remain on their sports teams."
    Yet, "J.G. was suspended from school for three days following the attack."
    J.G. seeks punitive damages for rape, assault and battery, false imprisonment, intentional infliction of emotional distress, gross negligence, failure to report child abuse and due process violations.

    The incident happened 1 year ago and is now in the court system. The boys were allowed to stay on sports teams while the girl was suspended. This makes no sense. i do hope we see some positive outcome for the young lady.

    it is frightening how backward our society is about rape in particular and females in general.
  14. by   BostonTerrierLoverRN
    No means No, and Stop means Stop, any activity after that is beyond the law that should protect females.

    I don't care how promiscuous, how extensive her personal relationship history is, or how poorly her character is viewed- these are the girls many predators attack.

    It is not just backwards here. I just got back last month from a mission trip to Azerbaijan where they would kill a raped daughter. I have been all over Africa where atrocities against women are too mind and soul depraving to explain! Also, so close to our shore, Haiti is experiencing a rape and molestation epidemic in the tent cities- so much so that stitches, antibiotics, and SANE kits are shipped daily by the United Methodist Missions.

    Also, last time I was in Haiti for a 2 week training course on Tropical Diseases: Parasitic Infections, I found that a mainstream church was giving out the day after pills from their clinics. Now I am writing my Church Weekly for the consideration of this offering. After working the evenings after class for 4-6hrs/day(during the course), and seeing a multitude of pre- 15 year olds pregnant, c/o rape, some repetitive- an Iranian Physician Assisting UNICEF Nurse Practitioners stated,"It's really not rape that is the problem, it's PTSD following the quake to blame for this, and once they're pregnant, or infected- they cry rape!" I told him what I had heard all my life growing up,... "You see that girl in there? The one that you said was a 'high risk' anyway, ...she is someone's daughter." I had my post changed the next day by him, and unable to complete my CEU hours (for my Missionology Degree work), I came home early. I can say they have sent some SANE nurses there, but I am so amazed at the way some very educated people think- and how resistant to change they are.

    In a world where Senators say "they [women] have auto-abortion mechanisms if they really want to" and "some girls rape easy" and Physicians who say,"It's because the quake stressed the men out,...they need an outlet," we have a long long way to go.

    I am proud Nurses are on the front line of prevention, treatment, and crisis intervention for these victims, and their loved ones. My niece just told me a Nurse came to their school and spoke on STDs Rape, and Molestation, along with what to do if it happened to them. It's sad that their innocence has to be challenged, but I totally understand the necessity. Most boys I knew in high school that were molested or assaulted didn't even know 'what' the person was doing to them.

    I know I am a male, and my input isn't as heavy as a female's on this subject, but please know most men think of rapists with the same disgust and objection, as is directed to a child predator.

    It makes us (men) sick that predators are absent of the protection instinct that 'real' men have for perceived vulnerable humans.
    Last edit by BostonTerrierLoverRN on Nov 24, '12 : Reason: Formatting