Raising sons. Need advice, please.

  1. HELP! I need some advice here please. I am the mother of 3 sons who are 14, 12, and 11. The past few weeks we have developed a real problem with our mouths. Not being sassy so much, but what I call "potty" mouths. Calling each other jackasses, and other such words. My husband and I don't swear very much, nor do our friends and family. But the boys lately have really been into this name-calling, and using not such nice words. We have told them that this language is not acceptable in our home, but they still try and get by with it. I am at my wits' end trying to think of ways to discourage this language. My husband and I will try to lessen what little foul language we use, but I would appreciate any other suggestions. I have told them that I am going to start charging a fine for every bad word they say. Any other ideas? We monitor the tv shows they watch and what kind of music they listen to so that is covered. I refuse to raise sons who talk like sailors.
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  2. 14 Comments

  3. by   live4today
    Hello deespoohbear!

    I was going to suggest the idea of charging a "money fine", too, but I see you've already got that one covered. Make it steep, too.

    Do your sons receive a weekly allowance? If they do, take away 1/3 of their allowance every time they misbehave that way towards one another, including placing them in isolation for the length of time it takes for them to "legibly write" the following sentence.......ONE HUNDRED TIMES:

    "I will not curse or call my family members vulgar names. If I do, I will forfeit 1/3 of my weekly allowance for every vulgar word I say to them."

    DO NOT let up on this......remain consistent with this form of teaching them what you and your husband expect......AND....monitor what you and hubby say in their presence, too, as children "learn by example"......both INSIDE and OUTSIDE their home environments!

    I am a firm believer in "practicing what I believe is worth teaching to others".......if they see my poor example......why should I expect their example to be any better????

    MIND YOU......Those are my personal opinions that I hold strong to........just offering them up as a suggestion to you since you asked for suggestions. Not saying you need to "adopt" them for your own household. :kiss
  4. by   JailRN
    Charging $1.00 works well. It's not an exorbitant amount of money, but it does add up quickly. You and hubbby can have a nice dinner on it soon.
    Or you can hold your breath until the oldest is about 20, when they seem to grow up a little and actually LIKE each other..
    Food luck
  5. by   NRSKarenRN
    Husband reinforced he went to all boys trade school and didn't listen to mouths there, won't have it in his home.

    The money fine worked great in our home last year with then 15 1/2 and 13 YO. DOLLAR was contribution into big gallon gatorade jar. Swearing decreased to almost nil and many Peanut butter n jelly meals eaten as weekly allowance used up in fines. Uxsed the money towards vacation.

    It is a phase ...6 months should see a difference.

    Just waiting now till 14yo discovers the JOY of a shower like his older brother has instead of being forced into BR under threat of a MOM scrubbing.
  6. by   Mkue
    Hi !

    I have 3 sons also, 13, 14 and 20. My oldest is at college.

    Last year we started a "No Tolerance" to name calling in our home. I posted some family rules on the Frig, I know it sounds corny but I think it helped.

    We also try to have "family meetings" where we sit and listen to each other complain, make suggestions, vent, whatever you want to call it, problem solving.

    This seems to work for us right now.
  7. by   Glad2behere
    Gosh, I forgot about these things! My sons are 25 & 24, they went through that, there is also a phase where they hit each other to see who can make the biggest bruise. I saw some real hematomas that turned that yucky yellow.

    The biggest thing is consistency and the fine sounds to me like a great idea. We lived on a farm, so my discipline was to load up the chores. I am not sure it worked that well because it was hard to be consistent. One thing that did work was to assign them extra homework, like write a paper on any subject. I set up a penalty system that way, and had a list of offenses with a specific penalty in # of pages. One bad word one page, leave the ac on in the house one page and so on. Looking back it worked rather nicely and taught them good study habits simultaneously.
  8. by   deespoohbear
    Thanks for the great advice everyone!! My boys actually are each other's best friends. They have been through a lot together and I think that has formed a tight bond. But like with anyone, sometimes tempers flare up and things get nasty. I sure do hope this is a phase and it will pass. Of course, after the "fines" and whatever else it takes. I already made them to write out "I will not say swear words at my brothers, or any one else." I love these children dearly, but they are making me old before my time. Well, we will try the "fine" system and the writing out sentences and see how that works. Again, thanks.
  9. by   JailRN
    Or, you could figure it's just a word, and ignore it, figuring it will go away. nah, it won't
  10. by   Love-A-Nurse
    this is funny to me now but, my two teenagers were using words in a sentence that i didn't understand according to the context of their conversation, i.e. that's tight, i feel you, and now that i know what they mean, i find myself using, i feel you a lot.

    my teenagers are of the opposite sex and they have words at times but they get a lone for the most part, great together. stupid and crazy were words "thrown" around among them and now it has ceased or at least i haven't heard them in a while.

    all three of my children had to tell each other they loved the other one and give each other a hug when they did/do things i didn't/don't think should be done toward each other either as sister and brothers or humans period. for the most part, it worked!
  11. by   Mkue
    Originally posted by Glad2behere
    Gosh, I forgot about these things! My sons are 25 & 24, they went through that, there is also a phase where they hit each other to see who can make the biggest bruise. I saw some real hematomas that turned that yucky yellow.

    The biggest thing is consistency and the fine sounds to me like a great idea. We lived on a farm, so my discipline was to load up the chores. I am not sure it worked that well because it was hard to be consistent. One thing that did work was to assign them extra homework, like write a paper on any subject. I set up a penalty system that way, and had a list of offenses with a specific penalty in # of pages. One bad word one page, leave the ac on in the house one page and so on. Looking back it worked rather nicely and taught them good study habits simultaneously.
    I like that idea of writing a paper and the penalties.

    My 13 yr. olds gym teacher made all the boys who forgot their gym clothes write a paper about "volleyball".. I thought this was COOL because the girls play volleyball at their school..lol...
  12. by   kids
    Dee...

    This too shall pass.

    The $1 per word worked for my 3 (1 girl/2 boys) until the older 2 got jobs and felt they could afford it. In the meantime I got a great deal of pleasure out of going out for a very pricey dinner alone with my husband on their cuss money...and telling them about it.
  13. by   aimeee
    So far the worst thing my kids call each other is "butt-munch" and they cool it when warned with a "watch it!" I like the dollar jar idea.
  14. by   JailRN
    9-13-02 LA TImes, Dear Abby writes

    10 REASONS FOR SWEARING

    1. It pleases Mother so much.
    2. It's a fine mark of manhood.
    3. It proves that I have self control.
    4. It indicates how clearly my mind operates.
    5. It makes my conversation so pleasing to everybody.
    6. It leaves no doubt in anyone's mind as to my good breeding.
    7. It impresses people that I have more than an ordinary education.
    8. It's an unmistakable sign of culture and refinemant.
    9. It makes me desirable personally among women and children in respectable society.
    10. It's my way of honoring God who said, " Thou shall not take the name of the Lord thy God in vain".



    Just at the right time.

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