Private diary of a Viagra housewife

  1. > This is the private diary of a Viagra housewife...
    >
    > Day 1
    > Just celebrated our 25th wedding anniversary with not much to celebrate.
    When it came time to re-enact our wedding night, he locked himself in the
    bathroom and cried.
    >
    >
    >
    > Day 2
    > Today, he says he has a big secret to tell me. He's impotent, he says, and
    he wants me to be the first to know. Why doesn't he tell me something I
    don't know! I mean, he actually thinks I haven't noticed.
    >
    >
    >
    > Day 3
    > This marriage is in trouble. A woman has needs. Yesterday, I saw a picture
    of Nelson's Column and burst into tears.
    >
    >
    >
    > Day 4
    > A miracle has happened! There's a new drug on the market that will fix his
    'problem'. It's called Viagra. I told him that if he takes Viagra, things
    will be just like they were on our wedding night. I think this will work. I
    replaced his Prozac with the Viagra, hoping to lift something other than his
    mood.
    >
    >
    >
    > Day 5
    > What absolute bliss!!.
    >
    >
    >
    > Day 6
    > Isn't life wonderful but it's difficult to write while he's doing that.
    >
    >
    >
    > Day 7
    > This Viagra thing has gone to his head. No pun intended! Yesterday, at
    Burger King, the manager asked me if I'd like a Whopper. He thought they
    were talking about him. But, have to admit it's very nice - I don't think
    I've ever been so happy.
    >
    >
    >
    > Day 8
    > I think he took too many over the weekend. Yesterday, instead of mowing
    the lawn, he was using his new friend as a weed wacker. I'm also getting a
    bit sore down there.
    >
    >
    >
    > Day 9
    > No time to write. He might catch me.
    >
    >
    >
    > Day 10
    > Okay, I admit it. I'm hiding. I mean, a girl can only take so much. And to
    make matters worse, he's washing the Viagra down with neat whisky! What am I
    going to do? I feel tacky all over....
    >
    >
    >
    > Day 11
    > I'm basically being screwed to death. It's like living with a Black and
    Decker drill. I woke up this morning hot-glued to the bed. Even my armpits
    hurt. He's a complete pig.
    >
    >
    >
    > Day 12
    > I wish he was gay. I've stopped wearing make-up, cleaning my teeth or even
    washing but he still keeps coming after me! Even yawning has
    > become dangerous...
    >
    >
    >
    > Day 13
    > Every time I shut my eyes, there's a sneak attack! It's like going to bed
    with a scud missile. I can hardly walk and if he tries that "Oops, sorry"
    thing again, I'll kill the bastard.
    >
    >
    >
    > Day 14
    > I've done everything to turn him off. Nothing is working. I even started
    dressing like a nun but this just seems to make him more horny. Help me!
    >
    >
    >
    > Day 15
    > I think I'll have to kill him. I'm starting to stick to everything I sit
    on. The cat and dog won't go near him and our friends don't come over any
    more. Last night I told him to go and **** himself and he did.
    >
    >
    >
    > Day 16
    > The bastard has started to complain about headaches. I hope the bloody
    thing explodes. I did suggest he might try stopping the Viagra and going
    back on Prozac.
    >
    >
    >
    > Day 17
    > Switched the pills but it doesn't seem to have made any
    difference...Christ! Here he comes again!
    >
    >
    >
    > Day 18
    > He's back on Prozac. The lazy sod just sits there in front of the TV all
    day with that remote control in his hand and expects me to do everything for
    him. What absolute bliss!
    •  
  2. 12 Comments

  3. by   micro
    LOL, LOL, LOL, LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    I can relate!!!!!!!!!
  4. by   Cubby
    Ha Ha Ha Ha!!! Kinda like stuck between a rock and a hard place??!!
  5. by   labornurse
    HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!!!!
    Will be taking this one to work with me tomorrow!
  6. by   joannep
    Lynne,

    What a scream. I just loved it.

    Joanne
  7. by   night owl
    Lynne,
    ROTFLMAO! This is a creamer, oops I means screamer!!!!!!!!!!!!

    :roll :roll :roll
  8. by   rachaelm4
    LOL:chuckle :chuckle LOL:chuckle :chuckle I really needed a good laugh. THANKS
  9. by   Jenny P
    I guess I should be happy that our HMO considers 8 pills a full 30 day supply, huh?
  10. by   betts
    At the Retirement Home where my grandfather lives they have prescribed Viagra for all of the old men.................
    It prevents them from falling out of bed!
  11. by   RoaminHankRN
    I'd like to know where are all the "females" who reply when us guys make jokes about women that we are being offensive, or harassing???? LOL

    BTW...
    Good post Kaycee!
  12. by   aussie oi oi oi
    I love it, but how true hey! We whinge because we don't get it and when we do we whinge but you know what they say chocolate cures everything!
  13. by   babynurselsa
    Just had to revive this for a friend. The first time I read this I laughed until I cried.
  14. by   live4today
    Quote from betts
    At the Retirement Home where my grandfather lives they have prescribed Viagra for all of the old men.................
    It prevents them from falling out of bed!

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