Preparing for a new cat

  1. Preparing for a New Cat

    1. Take cold chicken and stars soup straight from the can and splash it
    across the carpet and the foot of the bed and then walk in it in the
    dark with your socks on.

    2. Set up a mouse trap at the foot of the bed each night so that if you
    move a toe one inch while you are sleeping, you are sure to get snapped.


    3. Cover all your best suits with cat hair. Dark suits must use white
    hair, and light suits must use dark hair. Also, float some hair in your
    first cup of coffee in the morning.

    4. Put everything cat-toy sized into a water bowl to marinate.

    5. Practice cutting your chicken into teeny tiny bites so that when they
    steal, it won't be the whole breast.

    6. Tip over a basket of clean laundry, and scatter clothing all over the
    floor.

    7. Leave your underwear on the living room floor, because that's where
    the cat will drag it anyway (especially when you have company).

    8. Jump out of your chair shortly before the end of your favorite TV
    program and run to the t.v. shouting "No! No! Don't chew on the electric
    cord!" Miss the end of the program.

    9. Put chocolate pudding on the carpet in the corner of the living room
    in the morning and don't try to clean it up until you return from work
    that evening.

    10. Gouge the surface of the dining room table several times with an
    exacto knife. It's going to get scratched anyway.

    11. Practice searching every closet and open cabinet door before you
    shut it.

    12. Knock all small items off your kitchen counter.
    13. Chew the eraser off every pencil in the house.

    14. Take a fork and shred the roll of toliet paper while it's still
    hanging up. Pull a few sheets off and scatter them around the bathroom.

    15. Take a staple remover and punch two holes in every scrap of paper
    around the house.

    16. Get a litter tray without a lid and mix in some tootsie rolls with
    cat litter and then tip it over right before the company comes. Make
    sure your guests get to find this before you do.
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  2. 10 Comments

  3. by   nightingale
    I cannot believe this one went without comments all this time!

    It is so funny
  4. by   PennyLane
    I esp. love #1 and #4.
  5. by   VivaLasViejas
    You sound like someone who's owned cats all your life........you really nailed it!!
  6. by   SmilingBluEyes
    Oh yea....so true!!!! This is funny!
  7. by   suzy253
    Very, very good & true!!!
  8. by   Katnip


    I came home from work today to find not one, but two new rolls of paper towels shredded and scattered throughout the house.

    You have nailed cat ownership. :chuckle
  9. by   aimeee
    Good grief! How did you dig that old post up? I'm glad it was resurrected to have some folks get a chuckle out of it. Wish I could take credit for it but it was one of those forwarded emails. #1, 9 and 14 were the ones I identified with the most.
  10. by   dianah
    LOL, I've sent it on and on and on and on and on . . .
  11. by   jemb
    Someone must have met my cats.
  12. by   nursebedlam
    aaarrh that cracked me up

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