There are so many wonderful souls that read this message board. I just read over moondancer's thread regarding the death of her estranged sister and thought to myself, if people only knew and accepted that in the end, all that really matters is the love of family and friends.
How many of us have an estranged friend or family member? How many of us know a friend that is grieving over an estranged friend or family member? There may be many reasons, an argument, a careless word, a perceived wrong. It is quite possible some of us don't understand the 'whys'.
I propose that each one of us take a minute (or more) and add a thought to this thread. In the end, it will become a compilation of thoughts, stories, and love from the deepest recesses of our hearts, laid out for those to read that will open their hearts long enough to listen.
Jul 11, '04
I'll be the first to admit, I don't understand this. Your laughter is now silence and your boisterous stories have become guarded words when I'm near. I notice it all, but I don't comment. Despite everything, I take myself back to the place where we shared numerous games of cards in the kitchen. Where our children played in the backyard together while we talked and laughed over a cup of coffee.
I'm not sure where everything changed, but I want you to know that we still love you. And when you're ready we will welcome you back with open arms.
Jul 11, '04
I couldn't agree more with you. I take a lot of stuff from and off my family. Most people would say to distance myself from them and cut the ties. But I feel that when my life is over here, I don't want to look back on it and see that I alienated my family no matter how dysfunctional they may be. It is hard sometimes and I do go through periods where they emotionally hurt me so bad that I can't hardly stand it. And I don't talk to them as often as I should, but I do talk to them and make efforts to see them.
I have reasons to really hate my father but,I have tried to forgive him even though I haven't forgotten. And I'm not sure I've completely forgiven him, but I do love him, because he is my father. I think this stems from losing my mother when I was only 10, I know how short life can be. And I know she'd want me to forgive him, after all she worked so hard to try and keep her family together. None of my family is especially close, but they're still my family. And I would do anything for anyone of them.
I try to break this cycle with my own children and show them more love than they could ever possibly know.
Last edit by Saved_by_Grace on Jul 11, '04
Jul 11, '04
I am far from perfect.
Who am I to expect more from those who surround me and affect my life?
What I do about the hurts and offenses to my ego and my heart will either heal me or damage me further.
How I choose to approach those who have offended will either heal or further damage the relationship... if the relationship and/or offender were not important in or to my life, there would be no pain felt to begin with.
Only those who are truly important in our lives are capable of inflicting these hurts, and therefore the relationship is worth saving or healing.
And if in the end, my efforts fail, I can have peace in my heart knowing I have done my part.
~Just my thoughts.~
Last edit by jnette on Jul 11, '04
Jul 11, '04
I have sent letters and made peace within myself for all my lost relationships. All I can do is be open and willing to listen if any of them ever come to me.....
Jul 12, '04
I believe in mending fences but sometimes relationships are so toxic that you would be better off letting them go. I have toxic relationships with one of my sisters and my mother. I love them both dearly but nothing I do is ever good enough for them. I have made myself physically ill over my relationship with my mother. When it gets to that point, it is sometimes best to walk away. We haven't communicated in some time. The last time I spoke to her, I told her that I loved her. She knows that. Somewhere deep inside, I believe she loves me. I just think she has always been too selfish to show her feelings without expecting something in return. We can't have a conversation without her criticizing my husband, children, choices, in-laws, or school. She is an unhappy person and she is trying to make us just as unhappy. Maybe, I will start writing her as opposed to phone conversations. That way, I can let her know that she is in my thoughts without subjecting myself to her negativity.
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