Please share your blonde jokes.... - page 3
OK, this seems to be the most popular kind of joke, so let's all share our favorite blonde jokes! Texas Blonde As a trucker stops for a red light, a BLONDE girl catches up. She jumps out of... Read More
Sep 8, '02A blond going to London on a plane, how can you steal her window seat?
Tell her the seats that are going to London are all in the middle row.
What do you call it when a blonde dies their hair brunette?
Why should blondes not be given coffee breaks?
It takes too long to retrain them.
Why does the blonde stare at the juice packet in the morning?
It says "concentrate".
A network executive was interviewing a young blonde. He asked "If you could have a conversation with someone, living or dea, who would it be"?
The blonde replied "The living one."
Why did the Blonde get so excited after she finished her jigsaw puzzle in only 6 months?
Because on the box it said "From 2-4 years."
A blonde walks into a pharmacy and asks the pharmacist for a bottom deodorant. "Sorry, we don't sell bottom deodorant" the pharmacist replies, struggling to keep from laughing.
"But I always buy it here", the blonde says. "I bought one last month". Thinking quickly, the pharmacist suggests, " I don't know what you bought before, may be you can bring in the empty container next time". "Sure", the blonde replies. "I'll bring it with me tomorrow"
The next day, the blonde walks into the shop again and hands the pharmacist an almost empty deodorant stick. "This is just a normal deodorant", the pharmacist tells the blonde, "You use it under your arms".
"No, it is not", the blonde answers, "it says so here":
"To apply, push up bottom
How do you make a blondes eyes shine bright?
Shine a torch in her ear!
What do you call a blonde standing between two brunettes?
A mental block!
What do you call 100 blondes standing ear to ear?
A wind tunnel!
What's five miles long and has an IQ of forty?
A blonde parade
Want to know how to amuse a blonde for hours?
Write "please turn over" on both sides of the paper!
A blonde goes into a Best Buy. She asks a clerk if she can buy the TV in the corner. The clerk looks at her and says that he doesn't serve blondes, so she goes back home and dyes her hair black.
The next day she returns to the store and asks the same thing and again the clerk said he doesn't serve blondes.
Frustrated, the blonde goes home and dyes her hair yet again, to a shade of red. Sure that a clerk would sell her the TV this time, she returns and asks a different clerk this time. To her astonishment, this clerk also says that she doesn't serve blondes. The blonde asks the clerk, "How do you know I am a blonde?"
The clerk looks at her disgustedly and says,"That's not a TV - it's a microwave."
A man was trimming his bushes. His neighbor (the blonde) walks out, checks her mail only to see that it's empty, and goes back inside.
Five minutes later, she comes back out, checks her mail again only to see that it's still empty, and goes back in.
The third time she comes out, the man asks her, "Excuse me, is there a problem?"
The blonde replies, "Darn right there's a problem! My computer keeps on telling me 'I've got mail'!"
A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. Then one day she comes home and finds her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself. Hysterically the blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"
Did you hear about the two Blondes that were found frozen to death in their car at the drive-in movie theater?
They went to see "Closed for Winter
A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do. "Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?"
The blonde said "How about 50 dollars?" The man agreed and told her that the paint and other materials that she might need were in the garage. The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?" The man replied, "She should, she was standing on it."
A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money. "You're finished already?" he asked. "Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats." Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50.
"And by the way," the blonde added, "it's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari."
Last edit by Brownms46 on Sep 8, '02
Sep 8, '02After leaving a store, a blonde walked out and went up to a soda machine. The blonde put in 50 cents and out popped a coke. She searched her bag for more money. She found some and kept feeding the machine money. Cokes and Sprite and Mountain Dew bottles began rolling down the street.
A young man walked up behind her and watched this for a few minutes. Then he asked, "Can I get one now?"
She whizzed around and yelled, "No way, can't you see I'm winning?"
Two bowling teams, one of all blondes and one of all brunettes, charter a double-decker bus for a weekend bowling tournament in Atlantic City. The brunette team rides in the bottom of the bus and the blonde team rides on the top level.
The brunette team down below is whooping it up having a great time, when one of them realizes she doesn't hear anything from the blondes upstairs, so she decides to go up and investigate.
When the brunette reaches the top, she finds all the blondes frozen in fear, staring straight ahead at the road and clutching the seats in front of them. They all have white knuckles.
The brunette asks, "What the heck's goin' on up here? We're having a great time downstairs!"
One of the blondes looks up and says to her, "Yeah, but you've got a driver!"
A brunette, a redhead and a blonde walk down a beach when suddenly the brunette discovers a magic lamp. The brunette rubs the lamp and POOF! a magic genie appears. The genie tells the girls that he will grant them three wishes, so each girl will have a turn. The redhead goes first and tells the genie that she's always been really smart and she is sick of being teased, so she asks the genie to make her just semi-smart. Suddenly the redhead is turned into a brunette.
Next, the brunette takes her turn. She tells the genie that she has always just been sort of smart and she wants to be really smart. Suddenly the brunette becomes a redhead.
Finally, it's the blonde's turn. She thinks for a minute and then tells the genie that she's always been dumb and she's tired of being dumb. The blonde says that she wants to be really dumb. Suddenly, the blonde becomes a man!
Sep 8, '02Originally posted by WalMart_ADN
i'm still waiting for the wallpaper one
Sep 8, '02Okay, here's a blonde joke, but it actually happened.
I was driving my older daughter home from high school, with one of her friends in the back of the car. She really is a little "Vague" and said something that didn't make a lot of sense.
The girl friend (some friend, huh?) said "What's it like, going through life like that without a clue?"
My daughter said:
"What do you mean?"
Sep 8, '02From my hubby...
Q: How do you make a blonde's eyes light up?
A: Shine a flashlight in their ear.
Q: Why should blondes not be given coffee breaks?
A: It takes too long to retrain them.
Q: Why do blondes wear red lipstick?
A: Because red means "Stop, wrong hole."
Q: What do you say to a Blonde that won't give in?
A: "Have another beer."
Q: What does a blonde say when you blow in their ear?
A: "Thanks for the refill!"
Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a computer?
A: You only have to punch information into a computer once.
Q: What's the difference between a washing machine and a blonde?
A: A washing machine doesn't follow you around after you put a load in it.
A brunette and a blonde are walking along in a park. The brunette says suddenly, "Awww, look at the dead birdie". The blonde stops, looks up, and says, "Where?"
Q: How does a blonde high-5?
A: She smacks herself in the forehead.
Q: How do you brainwash a blonde?
A: Give her a douche and shake her upside down.
Q: What do you call 15 blondes in a circle?
A: A dope ring.
Q: What to do if a blonde throws a grenade at you?
A: Pull the pin and throw it back.
Sep 8, '02Originally posted by OBNURSEHEATHER
Sep 9, '02I'm so happy to have my security in my ignore button to prevent looking at obnurseheather's post. For a long time I have tried to figure out what it's saying, and obnurse heathers posts are confusing. I'm so happy to have my ignore button. Being able to block out obnurseheather is a god-send because the posts really make me feel ill and uneasy. If anyone else feels sickened or ill-struck by the posts of obnurseheather you can ignore them to, and I encourage it.
Sep 9, '02Originally posted by Cubby
Well are you going to tell us? I'm dying here!
Sep 9, '02Let's let Mario and Heather work the rest of this out privately between themselves. Okay, folks?
Sep 9, '02I don't think it is right when obnurseheather made these comments about me publically. I have never tried to defame her, and obviously is silly to be a screaming baby.
I publically apologized to obnurseheather for being myself, and got snubbed. Snubbing is a crime.
To me, its NOT okay to be harsh with me and then just expect me to let it go. It's still wrong to hurt a persons feeling. This is not the first time I have been attacked.
I don't ignore anyone, and people should be straight, face-value wiith each other and not develop meaness and orneryness openly.Last edit by mario_ragucci on Sep 9, '02