Please share your blonde jokes.... - page 2
OK, this seems to be the most popular kind of joke, so let's all share our favorite blonde jokes! Texas Blonde As a trucker stops for a red light, a BLONDE girl catches up. She jumps out of... Read More
Sep 7, '02no blonde jokes for me either, renee. heck, i don't know too many other jokes either. well, unless you count, comprehened that boy, andy! :chuckle
Sep 7, '02heather, you don't watch andy and barney and opie, and aunt bea! shame on you or did i miss quote it, oh well, it is still funny. :chuckle
Sep 7, '02I think that was a little before my time
I mean, I know the show of which you speak, but am not familiar with it the way someone that watched it would be.
Sep 8, '02A man sat beside a gorgeous blonde while on a long flight, and certainly wanted to engage her attention, to impress her with his wit and wisdom (her being a dumb blonde and all). She, on the other hand, wanted to sleep, and reclined her seat at the first opportunity, turning from him and closing her eyes. He thought and thought and finally turned to her and said,
"Would you like to play a game?"
She didn't move. "No, I don't want to play a game."
"Ah, come on. It's a very easy game."
"No, thank you. I want to sleep."
"You could win so easily, and it'd be fun! Just try it!"
"No, I just want to sleep."
"Well, how about if we play for money? Yeah! Say, if I win, you give me five dollars, and if you win, I give you five dollars!"
"No," the blonde replied. "I want to sleep."
Frustrated, the man fumed for a few minutes and then leaned back toward the blonde. "What about this: if I win, you give me five dollars; if YOU win, I give you 50 dollars!"
The blonde sat up with a sigh. "OK, how do you play this game?"
"Well," the man smiled. "I ask you a question. If you answer it right, I pay you 50 dollars. Then YOU ask ME a question, and if I get it right I pay you 5 dollars." He paused and smugly said, "So, ladies first: you ask me a question."
The blonde sighs, "Oh, all right. What has three legs in the morning and four in the afternoon?" She then reclined the seat and closed her eyes.
The man's eyes widened, his smile faded, and beads of sweat broke out upon his brow. He opened his laptop and furiously pounded its keys. He got out his cell phone and made numerous calls: his law office, the Library of Congress, friends and family, getting more and more frustrated. Finally he dropped his hands to his sides and turned to the blonde. "I can't," he said. "I can't answer it." He took out 50 dollars and handed it to her. She opened her eyes and took the money, then closed them again.
Wide-eyed, he touched her arm. "Wait! Wait! What does have three legs in the morning and four in the afternoon????"
The blonde opened one eye and handed him 5 dollars. "I don't know," she said.
Sep 8, '02a brunette goes into a drs office,
the dr greets her and asks her what the problem is
she complains that she "hurts all over"
and he asks her to be more specific
"well when it hurts me when I touch my shoulder" she grimaces while touching her shoulder
"and it hurts me when I touch my leg" crying a little when touching her leg
the dr nods
"and and and it hurts me even when I touch my face" again she shows the MD what she means by touching her face and moaning in pain
the dr sits, pensively for a moment and then
asks "are you a natural blonde by any chance"
the brunette looks puzzled but answers "well yes but what does that have to do with anything"
the dr smiles slightly and says "well my dear, you have a broken finger"
Sep 8, '02What is the mating call of the blonde at a party?
"I am SOOO drunk!"
What is the mating call of the brunette and the redhead at the same party?
"Has that D*MN blonde left yet?
Hey - that's the nicest one I have - the others are worse!
Sep 8, '02My daughter collects blonde jokes (she is blonde.) These are from her file.
A blonde is driving along the freeway en route to DisneyWorld. She is very close to the exit to the theme park when she notices the sign stating "DISNEYWORLD LEFT." She turned around and went home.
Q. How did the blonde burn her nose?
A. She was bobbing for french fries.
Q. Why can't blondes make Kool-Aid?
A. Because they can't figure out how to fit 2 quarts of water into that little package.
Q: What do you call 20 blondes in a freezer?
A: Frosted flakes!
Q: What's the advantage of marrying a blonde?
A: You get to park in the handicapped zone.
Q: How did the blonde die ice fishing?
A: She was run over by the zamboni machine.
Q: Why can't blondes make ice cubes?
A: They always forget the recipe.
Did you hear about the blonde that was treated at the emergency room for a concussion and severe head wounds? She tried to commit suicide by hanging herself with a bungie cord.
One day a guy is driving down the road and accidently hits a chicken . Knowing that the chicken belonged to the Blonde farmer down the road he thought he would go over and tell the Blonde what had happened as he was an honest guy . When he gets there he apologized for running over what he thought was the Blonde farmer's chicken. "What makes you think it's mine?" asked the Blonde farmer. "Well, you raise this type of chicken
around here don't you?" said the guy. "Yes, but not flat ones like that" answered the Blonde.Last edit by aimeee on Sep 8, '02
Sep 8, '02A blind man walks into the bar and orders a beer.
He then says "Hey, who wants to hear a good blonde joke?"
The guy next to him says "Hey pal, I'm 6'1" and I'm a blonde, The bartender weighs 220 and is a blonde, the bouncer is 6'2" and is a black belt and also a blonde. Are you SURE you want to tell that blonde joke in here?"
The blind guy takes another drink of his beer and says
"NO, not if I'm going to have to explain it 3 times".
Sep 8, '02my dad loves blonde jokes, he loves to tease me with them, his favorite is sis remember breathe in breathe out breathe in breathe out, every time I see him he has a whole new list of them, never mind I am no longer blonde,
Sep 8, '02Here are some that I have on file
A blonde walked up to the front desk of the library and said, "I borrowed a book last week, but it was the most boring I've ever read. There was no story whatsoever, and there were far too many characters!"
The librarian replied, "Oh, you must be the person who took our phone book."
The attractive blonde yuppette, admired by all the husbands at the club, was talking to one of the wives over drinks. "I've developed an immunity to being used by men as a sex object."
The wife grinned and replied, "That's not surprising, darling, considering the number of times you've been inoculated."
Three women are about to be executed. One's a brunette, one's a redhead, and one's a blonde.
The guard brings the brunette forward and the executioner asks
if she has any last requests. She says no and the executioner
shouts, "Ready!...Aim!! ..."
Suddenly the brunette yells, "EARTHQUAKE!!!" Everyone is startled and looks around. She escapes.
The guard brings the redhead forward and the executioner asks
if she has any last requests. She say no and the executioner shouts, "Ready! ... Aim!!..."
Suddenly the redhead yells, "TORNADO!!!" Everyone is startled and looks around. She escapes.
By now the blonde has it all figured out. The guard brings her
forward and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She says no and the executioner shouts, Ready! ... Aim!! ..."
...and the blonde yells, "FIRE!!!"
Two blondes and a brunette were walking down the beach when
a seagull dumps a load on one of the blondes.
The brunette says "I'll go and get some toilet paper."
When she left, one blonde turns to the other and says, "Boy,
is she ever stupid. By the time she gets back, that seagull
will be miles away."
As a Delta Air Lines jet was flying over Arizona on a clear
day,the copilot was providing his passengers with a running
commentary about landmarks over the PA system.
"Coming up on the right, you can see the Meteor Crater, which
is a major tourist attraction in northern Arizona. It was formed
when a lump of nickel and iron, roughly 150 feet in diameter
and weighing 300,000 tons, struck the earth at about 40,000 miles an hour, scattering white-hot debris for miles in every
direction. The hole measures nearly a mile across and is 570 feet deep."
From the cabin, a blonde passenger was heard to exclaim,
"Wow! It just missed the highway!"
One of my friends was dating a blonde girl that wasn't too bright to say the least. Often she would come up with the most stupid comments that at first got us all laughing, but after a while also became a bit annoying to some.
One day we were sitting in a pool hall talking. The blonde participated in the discussion, and when she came up with an unusually stupid comment, one of my friends couldn't take it anymore.
So he said to her "You must have vacuum in your head". This upset her. She looked at him for a couple of seconds and replied, "At least it's better than nothing".
Sep 8, '02A blonde and two brunettes were in an elevator, and at the next floor, a good looking guy gets on. After a couple of floors, he gets off again. One brunette comments; "Nice, shame about his dandruff!" The other brunette replies; "Yes, he could use some Head and Shoulders!" There is a long silence, then the blonde asks; "How do you give shoulders?"