Please Help!What do you think?

  1. Hi all just need a little advice.It has to do with my sister.A couple of days ago she told me that i wasn't a good mom.This is because i don't lash my kids.She seems to think that everytime they do something i'm suppose to lash them.I on the other hand prefer to discipline them in other areas such as taking away things that they like.Don't get me wrong i do lash them at times but it would have to be something awful.They are just 3 and 5.Kids will be kids.Mind you she has never had a child.I let them stay over sometimes and she curses at them for the smallest things such as taking toys outside to play with their cousins who live next door.I teach my kids to share.My dad also has the same attitude.Thinking about stopping the overnight visits but my mom would miss them darely since she doesn't get home from work till late in the evenings.Hate leaving my kids in that environment but don't have much choice as i study on evenings and depend on them to babysit for me.Also my dad picks on my daughter seems he has something against girls.He gets along with no one.My son no longer wants to visit and cries constantly when i leave him.When i see him like that i feel like maybe i really am a bad mother but i have no other choice right now.My husband gets home late most evenings so i can't rely on him .Everyone says she's just jealous because i have it all a great husband,two adorable kids,and on my way to a successful career plus i'm financially well off so i don't have to work FOR NOW lol.While she is still living at home,has a boyfriend that is of no use to her whatsoever,no job and no qualifications.She has never offered encouragement in anything i try to do instead she just critisizes and puts me down.Never the less i try to help her and be there for her cause she's still my sister.What do i do?Please help.
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  2. 17 Comments

  3. by   meownsmile
    I think if i were finacially well off i would find evening daycare and remove them from that atmosphere all together. I have no respect for people who curse their children,, or anyone elses for that matter. Those kids are small and they dont deserve that, remember words can hurt worse than fists sometimes. They will live what they learn and at this point they are learning its ok to curse and not treat people with kindness.
  4. by   pnhopeful
    Good for you for trying to break the cycle of violence with your kids. You are a great mother for that. It is a hard thing to break. I also would not leave your kids with anyone that is violent i.e. hitting/"spanking" or verbally abusive. This teaches kids that bigger people can control smaller people with violence and it can set them up for violent relationships as adults. It is also humiliating to them to be hit. As you know, there are much better ways to teach a child. Hitting teaches nothing except fear, humiliation, anger, violence. Can your mom just come to your house so your kids are not subjected to your dad and sister?
  5. by   emsrn1970
    Why on earth would you subject your children to that kind of berating? How in the world knowing what goes on in that house and your child crying everytime would you NEGLECT your children and subject them to that environment, especially when you claim to be well off????
  6. by   sister--*
    A good mom see's the problems AND acts to resolve them. Please, get the kids out of that horrible environment! Family isn't always the warm "fuzzy" we idealize it to be. Sometimes family is just plain destructive.

    You already see what's happening. Now the hard part is facing you; acting to make things right. Your kids are dependent on you for their everything. Please, don't let them down.
  7. by   leslie :-D
    i hope you are seriously considering removing your children from that environment.
    you cannot afford to be making excuses for tolerating this.
    your mom will have to make other arrangements to visit.
    please, you need to act now.

    leslie
  8. by   Antikigirl
    First off...do you feel this is a good environment for your child? Do you want your child hearing this and maybe getting some negative impressions about what it is you are trying to do??? My answer would be HECK NO!

    So you have one choice...get the child out of that environment! That type of an environment is not good for ANYONE!

    Remember, you are a mommy first and foremost...nurse second if that is your choice, but mommy first and forever! The mommy in you needs to come out and solve this for you and your own childs good.

    Seek out where else you can have your child in a safe and positive environment right away, and get them out of this. And bonus to you...you won't have to deal with the heartbreak and anxiety you are facing now...it isn't good on you either!!!!!!!

    YOu pick your friends, but you don't pick your family....so that leaves some cases where environments with family may not be a good thing...and it isn't your fault. What becomes your fault is if you don't do whatever it is in your power to protect your child...
  9. by   TazziRN
    If your child dreads going over there then I think that speaks volumes. You sound like a WONDERFUL mom, keep up the good work! I agree with the others, I think you should perhaps look into other babysitting possibilities for your childrens' sakes.
  10. by   fleur-de-lis
    I'm not going to speak to the spanking issue, since I don't have kids, but I do agree with the majority of posters.

    What I will speak to is the interaction between your father and your daughter. This "teasing" is HIGHLY destructive to her self esteem. My grandfather was a merciless "teaser", and to a lesser extent my father was also. I have had low self esteem my entire life, and even now it only takes an innocent joke to throw me back into that state of mind. My poor husband will make an innocent joke and is confused when it sends me to tears. I have had to explain that it is not him, that it has to do with my history, and it is not his fault when he unknowingly triggers it. Your daughter could have lasting damage to her sense of self from this treatment. Please do not allow her to be subjected to it.
  11. by   vamedic4
    I'm with the other posters here, get your children out of that environment and put them into something better...
    As for your sister and your dad, they're 2 peas in the same pod. Your sister "inherited" the attitude you see from him, and probably sees nothing wrong with it.
    I'd sit down with my father and my sister for a no holds barred conference and let them know how you feel. Your husband should be there as well.
    Under no circumstances is it necessary or even tolerable that a "trusted" relative treat children like that.

    If you're well off...hire someone else to babysit. I can't imagine anything worse than growing up feeling like the most important people in your life don't care about you.

    Good luck. Keep up the good work MOM!!!!

    vamedic4
    Angry now.
  12. by   muffie
    your kids deserve better.good luck with things
  13. by   EricJRN
    Thread moved to Break Room, the forum for non-nursing discussions.
  14. by   H ynnoD
    Your sister puts you down because it makes Her feel better about her miserable life.Find another way to have your kids looked after.You and your husband are the only ones who can protect them from such BS

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