Parenting - Need Advice

  1. I'm sitting here at work, completely exhausted from pulling another all nighter studying for my AP midterm Friday night, I getting sick, have chills, sore throat, and stuffy nose.... And NOW I just get a phone call from my hubby telling me my son's Principal just called to tell us Our Son has detention tomorrow!

    Why, you ask... well it seems my son, who is 8, was horsing around on the bus and removed his good friend's glasses and passed them around the bus.. His friend was embarrassed and hurt by my son's actions..

    The principal, questioned other children on the bus, and they all verified that my son indeed do what he was accused of! To make matters worse...The principal said when he asked my son about it...he responded with his famous answer "I don't know"... it's either "I don't know, It was an accident or I forgot" those are the typical answers I get from him on a day to day basis.... My son is a good boy, very sweet, very loving.. this is the first time... I have ever been called from the school because of a behavior related incident... The principal even said that if my son had admitted to the incident... he would have not assigned detention....

    Well now my hubby is livid with my son... and he said I need to stop coddiling him... that if we don't put our foot down now... it will only get worse.... We have 4 years till he is a teenager... He needs to fess up....and admit when he is wrong .. His punishment is NO Trick or Treating for him tomorrow.... His sister and I will go. He gets to stay home with dad...reading..doing homework....No TV...

    My heart is breaking.... I know it's the right thing to do... or is it.... I'm just so confused...I want to do a good job parenting my son... I just am sitting here crying over this stupid thing... Those of you who are parents ... what would You do?

    Brenda
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  2. 24 Comments

  3. by   Rustyhammer
    I'm with Dad.
    Right now our 11 year old is on all privledge restriction. No tv, no horses, no phone,nintendo....nothing. His crime? Not turning in his homework and lying to us about a few things.
    All kids screw up and even though it's hard we as parents need to not only lay down the law but enforce it as well.
    He will get over it....and so will you.
    Nobody said parenting was going to be easy.
    -Russell
  4. by   LasVegasRN
    I'm with the Dad's on this. Definitely have to nip this in the bud now - have to show how serious lying by omission is just the same as outright lying.
  5. by   Beach_RN
    Thanks Rusty... as always you are very insightful!...

    I know it's not a big deal... but.. I'm just upset..!

    Thanks again Rusty!

    B
  6. by   Beach_RN
    Thanks Vegas!

    I'm just a big woose!

    B
  7. by   OBNURSEHEATHER
    Originally posted by B_Matt
    Why, you ask... well it seems my son, who is 8, was horsing around on the bus and removed his good friend's glasses and passed them around the bus.. His friend was embarrassed and hurt by my son's actions..
    My first action would be to get to the root of why he did it. I think the bigger lesson to be learned here is how you should treat other human beings, and you're not going to be able to do that until you find out why he did it. (my guess is that is was a making fun of the kid with glasses fun-fest). Then an apology would be in order to the firend that got his feelings hurt.

    I think 8 is still kinda young to understand the whole "admit when you're wrong" concept. There's still that shred of thought that they just might eek by and get away with it. That a "nuh uh" will suffice. That doesn't mean this isn't a good time to learn it though, and you should stick with the punishment.

    Heather
  8. by   Beach_RN
    Thank you for your comments Heather!

    Like I said.. I'm just a big woose! I know it's the right thing to do...but that doesn't stop me from feeling bad that he is missing out on Halloween..

    I guess when I used to hear my mom say that it was hurting her more that it was hurting me..... that's exactly what she meant!

    I just needed to hear some reinforcments...

    Thanks again

    B
  9. by   OBNURSEHEATHER
    Originally posted by B_Matt
    I guess when I used to hear my mom say that it was hurting her more that it was hurting me..... that's exactly what she meant!
    Yeah, I remeber my mom saying that and thinking "YEAH RIGHT!" Now I know how smart my mom was, and someday your son will too.

    Heather
  10. by   kaycee
    I agree with everyone else Brenda. He will learn there are consequences when you act inappropriately. It may seem harsh, but as already said he will get over it . I would also make him apologize to the boy on the bus. He sounds like a typical good kid who made a wrong choice. He is actually looking to you for guidance and it sounds like you and your hubby are guiding him well.
  11. by   researchrabbit
    More reinforcements! You are doing the right thing. Parenting is hard work and every child is different.

    An apology to the friend is in order (and this is a good time to do a learning lesson in empathy -- it's hard for 8-year-olds to understand that just because they are having fun doesn't mean everyone is).

    You can also talk to him about how lying only makes a bad situation worse.

    Also make sure he knows you love him even though you're mad at his actions.

    PS I'm a big woose too. I learned pretty early on to choose my punishments well after denying my daughter something I really wanted to do (if I feel worse about it than my kid does, then I probably picked the wrong punishment ). My daughter HATES losing her phone privileges. For my son, it's computer privileges. Neither of these bother ME, and if they complain about it, it's an extra day for every complaint.
  12. by   nursedawn67
    Just hang tough Brenda, in the long run he will thank you for showing him that you love him very much by teaching him right from wrong.
  13. by   ShortFuse_LPN
    Originally posted by OBNURSEHEATHER
    Yeah, I remeber my mom saying that and thinking "YEAH RIGHT!" Now I know how smart my mom was, and someday your son will too.

    Heather
    I have come to realize that the OLDER I get...the SMARTER my parents get.
  14. by   Beach_RN
    Kaycee, Research Rabbit and Greer! Thanks for responding!

    and Yes you are all right! My son will not be trick or treating tomorrow and he will have to apologize to his friend!

    and I will just toughen up and get over it! I do love my son so much! and because I love him I will punish him!

    Jeez.... like Rusty said.... Nobody said Parenting is going to be easy!

    Brenda

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