Our beloved Mutti is Gone

  1. Mutti passed shortly before nine pm last noc.

    She fought off death for nealry 48 hours, fighting for every last breath. At 2 pm when the hospice nurse delivered more meds, her BP was 58 systolic and unable to obtain a diastolic. Her Cheyne-Stokes apnea spans were 50 seconds long at that time.

    But she fought for another nearly seven hours...Mutti always was a fighter, and she fought to the end for every breath she could snatch. It was horrible to watch.

    I stayed by her bedside for 48 hours, I could not bring myself to leave her regardless of how exhausted and sleep deprived I was. After the morphine and other bowel calming meds got into her system, she no longer suffered any pain. That is of great comfort to me.

    It has been determined that a week ago she suffered a bowl infarction, and that began the downhill slide, and explains all thedaily multiple bowel movements of the past week or more.

    I am now attempting to process everything in my heart and my head, and it will take time. My heart is broken, yet I know she is at peace and had the very best care both with us and with Pati and Roo.

    Pati is devastated that she was unable to get here in time, yet she did get to tell Mutti how much she loved her and that was was attempting to make it.. I put the phone up to her ear on 2 different occasions so Pati could talk to her.. although Mutti was pretty much unresponsive at the time .. or zonked out on the morpheine..... but we're hoping that she did hear her, even if she couldn't respond.

    My employer, (our agency owner) and a friend and colleague (who had been a hospice nurse for over 20 years) from up the street came right over after she passed, jumped right in and bathed Mutti, helped me get her clean and dressed, pronounced her, called teh funeral home... and pretty much took control. I just don't know how I could have done it without their help and loving support.

    Finally at midnight the hearst came and took my Mutti away.... I had to go out back to my backyard sanctuary, for that was the hardest part... I simply could not watch them load her up and take her away... away from her little room she loved so much, her little bed and toys, the comfort she knew there.

    Well... I have lots to get done here yet today before Pati arrives.. dh is driving down to get her.. I don't trust myself on the road quite yet.

    I love you all and thank you for your prayers and support and for loving my little Mutti right along with me.

    I will try to get back later in the week after Pati and I get settled in, finish with the funeral home, etc.

    Please no phone calls for awhile, as I am exhausted, and not quite ready for that yet... I know you understand.

    Thank You All.......
    Last edit by jnette on Jul 4, '09
  2. Visit jnette profile page

    About jnette, ASN, EMT-I

    Joined: Aug '02; Posts: 21,362; Likes: 7,204
    Home Health Patient Education Resource Nurse; from US
    Specialty: 10 year(s) of experience in Hemodialysis, Home Health


  3. by   jmgrn65
    ((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))) and continues prayers for support and comfort.
  4. by   sirI
    I am so sorry, jnette.

    My sincere condolences to my friend as you go through this.

    God Bless you.
  5. by   leslie :-D
    you were and are, a prime example of unfaltering Love.:redpinkhe
    mutti has so much to take Home with her.


    leslie xoxo
  6. by   Jolie
    May your precious Mutti rest in peace.

    May you find peace in your memories of her and comfort in the loving prayers and deeds of your family, friends and community.
  7. by   Spidey's mom
    Thank you jnette - for letting us know. My prayers are for you and your sis and entire family to find consolation and love in each others' arms.


  8. by   herring_RN
    Thank you Jnette for sharing Mutti with us.
    I am so glad she was able to tell you how much she loved you.
    Mutti and your Dad raised fine daughters!
  9. by   tnbutterfly
    Oh Jnette......I wish I could express the sorrow I feel just knowing you are bearing a loss so profound. May the Lord who was there with you and Mutti, wrap you, Pati, and the rest of the family in his loving embrace as you go through this most difficult time over the next several days, weeks, and months.

    I hope you feel the prayers that are being sent out to you.

  10. by   NurseyBaby'05
    RIP Mutti

    Jnette, these are for you . . . . . . .

    What a gift to be able to be with her when she passed. Enjoy this bittersweet time with Pati and the rest of your family.

    Love you!
  11. by   zuzi
    Jnette, keep your mom in yor soul she sure know how much you loved her and she loved you so so much poor soul of her.....
  12. by   Joe NightingMale
    Thank you for letting us know jnette.

    I'm glad you were able to be there.

    Be sure and take time for yourself during this time.
  13. by   loricatus
    So very sorry for your loss.

  14. by   Sabby_NC
    dear j'nette
    i am so very sad for you right now on reading that darlin' mutti has gone back home.

    you have shown us how to love in adversity.
    your caring of mutti was a testimony of the way you were brought up and grew as an adult.

    your posts about mutti were full of unwritten love and pride.

    your photos will hold a special place in each one of our hearts here on an.

    take time, do not be hard on yourself my friend as you did all you could possibly do to keep mutti comfortable.
    she died in the place she loved so well, the familiar sights, smells and the love that surrounded her.
    what a comforting way to die knowing she was so loved by her 'girls'

    i will say a prayer for you all. i know you are waiting on patti to arrive and know i will pray for a softening of her pain because she was not there.

    i firmly believe that we die the way we are meant to and there is always a reason for people to be present or not at a time of death.

    netters i truly believe you were meant to be there for your mum at the time of her death.
    she gave you her ultimate love by trusting only you at this time.
    i think it was her way of saying goodbye j'nette, she loved and trusted you to do her care at this point in her life until she died.
    past memories of growing up honey will fade and you will remember the past few years with pride and love.

    both patti and you are fine examples of loving women who did all they could to bring love, life and laughter into a dear lady's life.

    we are all better for having knowing mutti and sharing some of your precious times with her.

    please give minnie moo a pat and nuzzle from me as i know she is hurting over the loss of mutti.
    animals have a 6th sense about death.

    i love you and am proud to call you a friend.

    when you are ready you let me know and i will phone you ok?