Mutti passed shortly before nine pm last noc.
She fought off death for nealry 48 hours, fighting for every last breath. At 2 pm when the hospice nurse delivered more meds, her BP was 58 systolic and unable to obtain a diastolic. Her Cheyne-Stokes apnea spans were 50 seconds long at that time.
But she fought for another nearly seven hours...Mutti always was a fighter, and she fought to the end for every breath she could snatch. It was horrible to watch.
I stayed by her bedside for 48 hours, I could not bring myself to leave her regardless of how exhausted and sleep deprived I was. After the morphine and other bowel calming meds got into her system, she no longer suffered any pain. That is of great comfort to me.
It has been determined that a week ago she suffered a bowl infarction, and that began the downhill slide, and explains all thedaily multiple bowel movements of the past week or more.
I am now attempting to process everything in my heart and my head, and it will take time. My heart is broken, yet I know she is at peace and had the very best care both with us and with Pati and Roo.
Pati is devastated that she was unable to get here in time, yet she did get to tell Mutti how much she loved her and that was was attempting to make it.. I put the phone up to her ear on 2 different occasions so Pati could talk to her.. although Mutti was pretty much unresponsive at the time .. or zonked out on the morpheine..... but we're hoping that she did hear her, even if she couldn't respond.
My employer, (our agency owner) and a friend and colleague (who had been a hospice nurse for over 20 years) from up the street came right over after she passed, jumped right in and bathed Mutti, helped me get her clean and dressed, pronounced her, called teh funeral home... and pretty much took control. I just don't know how I could have done it without their help and loving support.
Finally at midnight the hearst came and took my Mutti away.... I had to go out back to my backyard sanctuary, for that was the hardest part... I simply could not watch them load her up and take her away... away from her little room she loved so much, her little bed and toys, the comfort she knew there.
Well... I have lots to get done here yet today before Pati arrives.. dh is driving down to get her.. I don't trust myself on the road quite yet.
I love you all and thank you for your prayers and support and for loving my little Mutti right along with me.
I will try to get back later in the week after Pati and I get settled in, finish with the funeral home, etc.
Please no phone calls for awhile, as I am exhausted, and not quite ready for that yet... I know you understand.
Thank You All.......