older/younger relationships

  1. Okay everyone after 4 years of healing from a broken heart caused by my daughter's father I have fully healed and have been looking for a realtionship. I have started talking to this guy. I rather not say where I met him from but I will go ahead and say it is through a personal ad I had. I know all about personal ads and I know all about being careful and cautious. My cousin met her husband through an on-line personal ad and they been together four years now and married for two years. I could easily meet a bad person off at school or church just as anywhere else like an AD. We have been e-mailing each other. Talked on the phone and even met yesterday. So far everything is checking out and I am going to proceed VERY, VERY slowly and catiously. I have gone through many things in my first relationship to know not to ever go through it or put up with it again.

    The only thing that I have been thinking about is our age differences I will be 22 in january. However I am VERY, VERY Mature for my age I had to grow up VERY quickly for having my becoming pregnant and having my daughter at 17. He is 33 years old. His age difference don't bother me. However, I do worry about what others will think. He has a 13 year old daughter. My daughter is almost 4. Please be honest with me. Does anyone here think this situation is a bad thing. My mom was 18 and my dad was 29 when they got married and they are still VERY happily married and they will be celebrating their 32nd anniversary in January. HOWEVER, I am their oldest child so neither one of them had kids in the beginning.

    He is the first guy who is willing to accept me and the fact that I have a child. Guys my age do NOT give me the time of day because I have a child. However, let me say that this is not the reason why I am interested in older men. I really think AGE may just be a number as long as BOTH parties are legal and mature.

    I will see very quickly if he is after one thing only because he will find out that I don't believe in intimacy early on in a relationship.

    I just had to get this off my chest.
  2. 20 Comments

  3. by   CEN35
    hey t,

    remember what i said before.......make sure you meet him in open public places, don't take any chances. age is meaningless.....go and have fun...and if at any given point you feel like you are in love, and the feeling is mutual....you will see the age issue won't mean a thing.

  4. by   OneChattyNurse
    I agree with CEN...be safe and don't worry about the age thing. My grandparents are about 19 years apart in age and they have been married for over 50 years!!!!

    Good luck to you!!!
  5. by   janleb
    Hmmmmmmm............my ex hubby was yourng when i married him, but then so was I!!!!!!!LOL But seriously I agree with Rick, be careful!! Wow I am impressed nurisng school and time to date, you are awesome!Janice

    PS hi Rick
  6. by   kids
    Be safe, stick to public places and don't get 'lulled' to quickly but go for it. I met my husband through a newspaper personal ad. I personally wish we had met about 10 years earlier. I had been single but dating around for a long time when we met, I was ready to settle down some but had 3 very opinionated teenagers at home at the time. Using an ad cut through all the bs. I don't see anything wrong with the age difference or the difference in the kids ages either. These days there are so many 'second families' that I don't think people give a second thought to differences in childres ages.

    Good Luck

  7. by   cmggriff
    I'm 49 and my wife is 38. It works for us. Gary
  8. by   misti_z
    to repeat what has already been said....be safe.
    age is meaningless...my husband is 13 years older than me. when we first started dating, we broke up because we thought we were crazy for thinking that it could work with the age difference. turns out that we were both miserable not seeing each other....so we started dating again and are now married!
    my aunt and uncle met via personal ad in the newspaper....been married 6 years now.
    it can work if you both are committed to making it work.......its just numbers. 2346451657564653468732516576156746167564167465764
  9. by   kaycee
    agree with everyone else. be safe and age differnce is no big deal!

  10. by   RNforLongTime
    As the others have said and in the words of the late R&B singer Ailiyah---"age ain't nothin but a number".

    My husband is 38 and I am 29--9 year age difference. Ironically enough my parents also share a nine year age gap--my dad is 60 and my mom 51 and they celebrated 30 years of marriage in May.

    Be safe!

    Good luck!

  11. by   Michelle_nurse
    My ex boyfriend was 33 when I started going out with him, I was 20. (We were together for 2 years). At the time, I had just gotten out of a 4 year, live in relationship. I was very mature for my age, and I was looking for something more serious, than I could have had with guys my own age then. That is not why I went out with him. In my situation, it didn't work, cause he had a lot of baggage, got burned and didn't want to commit. Our interests were very different. The problem was our interests and our friends, we couldn't hang out with each others friends. He thought my friends were babies and I thought his friends were like older than my dad!

    In your case, you have kids.......this is why it could work, having kids makes young people grow up fast, and if you both like each other....go for it, who cares how you met, (I have heard of weirder stories!)

    Just be careful, and really get to know each other first. (not because of how you met, I think this works best in any relationship, speaking from experience.)

    It is better for you, to be happy, and your child could have a "dad" in her life, than you being alone, miserable and raising your daughter alone.

    I hope it all works out for you.

    Take care, and you must have alot of will power, having a baby at 17, and making it through nursing school! Congratulations!!

  12. by   nur20
    Age really is just a number, it depends on where your head is and if it is on straight. Proceed with caution as you do have an impressionalable child. There's a 13 year difference between my husband and myself in the opposite direction. It's worked for 20 years
  13. by   peaceful2100
    Wow! Thanks for the stories everyone. IT is nice to see that some people are in relationships where age differences are involved. It really does not bother me. I am just worried what his daughter or his daughter's mother may think. I am VERY mature for my age but I do look like my age.

    Janleb, well I have NOT had a social life in 4 years and I am finally at the point now where I am much more confident in nursing school then what I first was. I am going to have a social life but NOT to the point where I will lose focus on school. My daughter and school comes before anything. This guy knows this. He agrees because he is still training at his job and building his career to the point where he wants it to be.

    Michelle, It takes a lot of determination and will power but I am doing it and so can anyone else if they believe and they want to do something bad enough.

    Take care everyone and I am going to be VERY Safe and catious. I think things can be good or at least if It don't work out things can be safe it people are smart about it.
  14. by   essarge

    Glad to hear things are happy for you!!

    Geesh....seems like everyone already has you two married!! LOL!!

    My advice is to have a looooooonnnnngggg, safe time period to really get to know not only each other, but each others family. Sometimes it takes awhile for the bad crap to come out. Watch (see) his relationships with his ex and children. That would be a really good clue to what his character is like. What kind of career does he have? Has he been doing this a long time or is he a dreamer and jumps from one career to another (shows stability). If he's had several different jobs why did he leave them? My ex always used the excuse that the boss was a jerk or someone else that he worked with. Never did see that he was the real jerk!! What are his spending habits? Does he spend money on stupid things, gambling, drinking, going "out with the boys" allot?

    I know that this is really kind of picky but you have a child involved in this also and in relationships actions speak louder than words!!! Remember that anyone can talk the talk...but can they walk the walk??????

    Just some thoughts.