Okay, parents of teenagers and preteens...

  1. How do you survive these years?? My oldest is 14, and the middle one will be 13 in January. Then there is the 11 year old. All boys. Driving me nuts. They have been at each other's throats the past few days. Especially the two older ones. The middle child is a little instigator of things and definitely has a mind of his own. I always thought girls were the ones with the raging hormones, but my boys have enough right now to put most girls to shame!!! Any advice, except for picking up lots of overtime and letting my husband deal with them?

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    About deespoohbear

    Joined: Aug '01; Posts: 2,276; Likes: 42


  3. by   Sleepyeyes
    ummmm...I'd go with the OT.

    JK: my youngest just turned 13 yesterday.... I gave him the "You're a man now" speech, we had a short prayer and blessing "ceremony" over him, and welcomed him into the world of adulthood.

    I try to always have a way for him to make extra money for those silly playstation games he loves, and I try to get him with that kind of an offer before he can start turning pissante on me, thus subverting the destructive behavior into something constructive and ultimately, self-esteem enhancing.

    He weeded and planted my 2 front planters last week, and I paid him $30 (it was WAAAAAAAAAAAAY worth it). The yard looks great, he's flush with dough, he feels great about himself, and I had him outta my hair for a few hours....

    But you have 3. Well, there's always OT :chuckle
    Last edit by Sleepyeyes on Sep 25, '02
  4. by   deespoohbear
    Thanks. I think.
  5. by   teeituptom
    Howdy yall
    from deep in the heat of texas

    The trick with teens is to say no and back it up.... I think Teddy roosevelt said it best....... Speak softly and carry a 4 iron

    doo wah dittty
  6. by   SmilingBluEyes
    yea saying no and meaning it is a big necessity. that and prayer. i am just entering that period myself w/y boy who is almost 11. UGH hormonal messes are NOT limited to girls, i tell ya. how i will get to 18 w/him is really unclear. pray, i guess.
  7. by   deespoohbear
    Okay, I sent the almost 13 y/o off with his Dad for awhile. That seemed to get the other two guys to calm down. My husband is usually more patient with the boys than I am. He grew up with 3 brothers (and 3 sisters). I have one brother who was just 12 when I left home to get married. I never knew that boys would go through this raging hormone thing like girls. You always hear about what an emotional mess girls are during puberty, but not so much the boys. I think I need to go get some Excedrin. :roll (And get that Ativan rx refilled. )

    I don't have a problem with saying no and sticking to my guns. The boys know that when we say no, we mean no. Lately, it has been just them nitpicking each other, trying to pi$$ the other one off, or just being plain grumpy and sour pusses.

    This too shall pass.... this too shall pass......this too shall pass....
  8. by   bagladyrn
    It's testosterone poisoning! My theory is that all the blood get diverted, none of it makes it as high as their brain, so it makes them do stupid things! If you expound on this theory in front of them, it embarrasses them, they roll their eyes, and go off to their rooms to get away, thus giving you a few minutes of peace.
    They then get along for a little while in male bonding over the unreasonable nature of females, especially mothers.
    When mine got on my nerves too badly one time I picked up my keys, got in the car and drove off for about two hours without saying a word - shocked them so, they were all sitting on the couch staring at the door when I got back. Wish I'd remembered to grab my shoes on the way out though - had to drive around for the whole time since I couldn't go in a store or restaurant barefoot.
  9. by   Rustyhammer
    You know how your 13 and 14 year old boys always want to go to school with their shirt untucked out of their pants?
    There is a reason for that and even though you want them to look nice you should give in on that one point.
  10. by   prn nurse
    Good call Rusty.

    I've received lotsa good advice.

    First, boys hormones rage a lot more powerfully than girls, and the physical change from boy to man takes several years longer.

    They will not be out of it by age 18, look at them becoming friends with the parents again around age 22.

    Boys, from 13 on, are in the process of leaving the family home. Emotionally and psychologically, they must prepare to be independent adult men.

    Most girls never really break with mom. Boys do. They have to have that psychological separation from mom and dad to go out in the world and "become their own man."

    A psychologist told me " enjoys your boys until they are 12 years old, after that, help them to transition into men and independence."
  11. by   bestblondRN
    Choose your battles, set limits, and stick to your guns.....I have an almost 19 year old who tried my LAST nerve and challenged every rule, decision, etc. that I made. Basically, I decided what was important and what wasn't (i.e.--going to school looking like a child who'd been raised by some odd cult vs. where he was going and with whom, etc....). He still had his moments that made me wonder how I ever could have birthed such a creature, but he is starting to grow into the young man I hoped he would become. There is still a lot of polishing that needs to happen, but we're getting there--I hope he'll be a gem someday! Incidentally, my 16 year old daughter is very emotionally labile, into the DRAMA of it all, and has an opinion on everything. I don't think girls are any easier at this age than boys. Just my $.02.......
  12. by   deespoohbear
    bagladyrn- I like the way you think. I don't really care if the boys shirts are tucked in or not just as long as they are reasonably clean and have more material than holes. I don't even get too upset about their room until I can't walk through without taking a bulldozer to it first. Don't have a problem with helping them become young men and letting go. I just don't want them to kill each other in the process. They are so close in age (30 months from the oldest to the youngest) I think that is part of the problem. I do pick my battles carefully and think will this be important tomorrow, a month from now, a year from now. If not, I let it fly. There are a few things I will not compromise: respect for others and espcially the elderly, fairness, honesty, kindness. You know your basic 10 Commandment stuff. Oh well, they are in bed now and I finally have some quiet time.
  13. by   dianah
    My friend found Playboy magazines under teenage boys' mattresses while she was cleaning. She carried them out to the living room and asked, "Are you done with these, and can I throw them out? I'm cleaning house." They were ABSOLUTELY MORTIFIED!! Too embarrassed to meet her eyes, they mumbled, "Uh, yeah, Mom, you can throw them out . . ." (LOL when she told me about it!!)
    Before I had kids she'd call me when her two boys were "at each other," say, "Listen to this:" and hold the phone toward them (they: snarling and going at it). She'd bring the phone back to her and say, "DON'T HAVE KIDS!! YOU HEAR ME?? DON'T HAVE KIDS!!" (I didn't listen, of course!)
    Hang in there!!
  14. by   teeituptom
    Howdy yall
    from deep in the heat of texas

    Playboy magazines, didnt know they still made them. Now you go in to check your email, and on the off chance you decide to check in the history of the computers use... You will find things that make playboy look like a comic book. Those so called parenteral controls do not work, the boys find their ways around them,,, Then on quetioning them you find it was the teenage girl who was in there this last time. Seems girls are just as curious..