OK now what do I do?

  1. Ok this is about that friend of mine who was so upset with me...well she is again talking to me. As it turns out it was just the ussual stuff overwelming her...but she is so totally overwelmed that I am concerned about her.

    She mentioned the word suicide, feeling alone, overwhelmed...ect....I had written and told her I thought she should see a professional and why.

    Well she wrote back and said she thought about what I said but couldn't see how it would help...she'd still have everything to deal with, still be the only child, still be all alone...ect.

    I replied I was glad she was thinking about it. And said I still thought she should see someone...that they couldn't change your life but how you respond to the stresses in your life. And if medications needed to be adjusted they could help with that. That no one should ever feel this alone and down...ect.

    Now my question...how can you convince someone to do what you know they should do? She said she just keeps getting pulled lower and lower and doesn't know when she'll hit bottom.

    Why would you want to hit bottom...what can I do...I work night the next 7! Yes 7 in a row!!!
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  2. 15 Comments

  3. by   bethin
    Does she have anyone that you can talk to to keep an eye on her and talk to her some more? I've hit bottom (and if it's lower to hit bottom, I hit it) and I went to counseling and it did help. But you have to keep at it. Drugs alone are not going to cure her problem. She needs a third neutral party to talk to. Could there be more to the issue than just being overwhelmed? Has something happened, ie, molestation, abuse, etc in her past?

    Keep talking to her. A quick phone call everyday, maybe even a message on the machine to let her know that you're there for her may help. You cannot force someone to get help if they don't want to.
  4. by   kitty29
    As far as I know there is not history of those type of problems...in fact honestly her life has been pretty sheltered and maybe that's the problem. I'm wondering if she Thought marriage was going to solve issues and insted it created more?

    Most of this I think all stems from her mom's death...and that I do understand. She was very close to her mom and they talked every day ussually saw each other twice or more a week. Plus her hubby is emotionally not there for her... never has been. I think it just all catches up with a person.
  5. by   kitty29
    You know guys I am so stupid...this goes to show you when you are too close to a situation how you can not thing! It dawned on me to call our renowed psyc dept. here at the hospital to see if they could recommend some reading material to help my friend! They sent me several items: Keeping a Positive Attitude, When You Have A Problem You Cann't Talk About; and Understanding Depression.

    So I'm going to read these and have emailed my friend saying I did get some material; and would like to send the material - Not to overwhelm her, but to help and support her as someone who cares deeply for her wanting her to feel like herself again!

    Sound Good?
  6. by   anonymurse
    You might want to add up your emotional budget to see if you can afford where this looks like it might be going.
  7. by   EmmaG
    Quote from kitty29
    Ok this is about that friend of mine who was so upset with me...well she is again talking to me. As it turns out it was just the ussual stuff overwelming her...but she is so totally overwelmed that I am concerned about her.

    She mentioned the word suicide, feeling alone, overwhelmed...ect....I had written and told her I thought she should see a professional and why.

    Well she wrote back and said she thought about what I said but couldn't see how it would help...she'd still have everything to deal with, still be the only child, still be all alone...ect.

    I replied I was glad she was thinking about it. And said I still thought she should see someone...that they couldn't change your life but how you respond to the stresses in your life. And if medications needed to be adjusted they could help with that. That no one should ever feel this alone and down...ect.

    Now my question...how can you convince someone to do what you know they should do? She said she just keeps getting pulled lower and lower and doesn't know when she'll hit bottom.

    Why would you want to hit bottom...what can I do...I work night the next 7! Yes 7 in a row!!!
    Why would you think she WANTS to hit bottom?

    Is this friend a nurse by any chance? Or related field?

    I went through a depression back when my mom was sick and slowly dying. At first, I recognized I was starting to founder a bit, and told myself, hey, I aced all those psych classes, I deal with depressed people every day in my job, I know how to take care of this.

    Bad move.

    And before long, I was too sick to even realize just how low I'd sunk. I honestly got to the point where I didn't feel I was depressed anymore. Not only that, but it literally took every ounce of energy I had to climb out of bed and actually make it through a day. The thought of seeking treatment on my own was simply overwhelming. If you haven't experienced that, it's hard to understand. I had reached the point where I was unable to do it on my own. It took a friend's intervention to get me into treatment for situational depression...thank God for that. At the time, I was angry that someone would think I was "crazy" or suicidal. Now I look back and realize they probably saved my life.

    You say your friend mentioned suicide. Make a pact with her. Make her promise not to do anything at all before contacting you. If you live in the same town, and you can't convince her to go for treatment voluntarily (or better yet take her in yourself), then you should consider going to the magistrate for a TDO order. Extreme, and she will probably hate you for it. But she will get the treatment she needs, and more importantly, be alive.
  8. by   kitty29
    Quote from Emmanuel Goldstein
    Why would you think she WANTS to hit bottom?

    Is this friend a nurse by any chance? Or related field?

    I went through a depression back when my mom was sick and slowly dying. At first, I recognized I was starting to founder a bit, and told myself, hey, I aced all those psych classes, I deal with depressed people every day in my job, I know how to take care of this.

    Bad move.

    And before long, I was too sick to even realize just how low I'd sunk. I honestly got to the point where I didn't feel I was depressed anymore. Not only that, but it literally took every ounce of energy I had to climb out of bed and actually make it through a day. The thought of seeking treatment on my own was simply overwhelming. If you haven't experienced that, it's hard to understand. I had reached the point where I was unable to do it on my own. It took a friend's intervention to get me into treatment for situational depression...thank God for that. At the time, I was angry that someone would think I was "crazy" or suicidal. Now I look back and realize they probably saved my life.

    You say your friend mentioned suicide. Make a pact with her. Make her promise not to do anything at all before contacting you. If you live in the same town, and you can't convince her to go for treatment voluntarily (or better yet take her in yourself), then you should consider going to the magistrate for a TDO order. Extreme, and she will probably hate you for it. But she will get the treatment she needs, and more importantly, be alive.
    I know no one wants to feel this way....it just seems like she is in a denial about getting help? We do not live in the same town she is about 4 hours away...but I do like the idea of making a pact with her...we actually already have when whe first mentioned the word suicide - but I will say it to her again. The other suggestion for now seems too extreme....I could not do that to her.

    She did email me back and is open to me sending the information; and I also found some sites on the web for confidential support....I figure if a person could talk to someone going through simular emotions that would be helpful.

    Today I feel more like we/she are heading in the right direction.
  9. by   kitty29
    Quote from anonymurse
    You might want to add up your emotional budget to see if you can afford where this looks like it might be going.
    I could not bale on this friend...she means more to me than anything. So I will survive and try to help her feel like herself again.
  10. by   EmmaG
    Quote from kitty29
    I know no one wants to feel this way....it just seems like she is in a denial about getting help? We do not live in the same town she is about 4 hours away...but I do like the idea of making a pact with her...we actually already have when whe first mentioned the word suicide - but I will say it to her again. The other suggestion for now seems too extreme....I could not do that to her.

    She did email me back and is open to me sending the information; and I also found some sites on the web for confidential support....I figure if a person could talk to someone going through simular emotions that would be helpful.

    Today I feel more like we/she are heading in the right direction.
    I hope so. I know the TDO is extreme, but don't let a worry of what she'll think of you keep you from going that route if necessary. Do you have a mutual friend closer to where she is? Someone who could look in on her?
  11. by   EmmaG
    Quote from kitty29
    I could not bale on this friend...she means more to me than anything. So I will survive and try to help her feel like herself again.
    I didn't take her comment to mean you would abandon your friend, but maybe that is what she meant.

    However, as much as you want to help her, she needs professional help too. Even if that were your specialty, you are too close to the situation. Stand by her and be there for her, but don't allow her to make you her therapist. That will do neither of you any good.
  12. by   kitty29
    Quote from Emmanuel Goldstein
    I didn't take her comment to mean you would abandon your friend, but maybe that is what she meant.

    However, as much as you want to help her, she needs professional help too. Even if that were your specialty, you are too close to the situation. Stand by her and be there for her, but don't allow her to make you her therapist. That will do neither of you any good.
    I do realize what you are saying...it is hard when you are so close to a person. And I have told her that a professional would be able to do for her what a friend can not...have true perspective. So I have been honest in that regard.
  13. by   kitty29
    Quote from Emmanuel Goldstein
    I hope so. I know the TDO is extreme, but don't let a worry of what she'll think of you keep you from going that route if necessary. Do you have a mutual friend closer to where she is? Someone who could look in on her?
    Well she is married...and has other friends, but I am the closest. Her extended family live about 100 miles closer and she is keeping in touch with everyone...they just visited.

    I am wondering...could a person mentioning suicide when in a heated situation (this person already showing some signs of depression) could the word be put out there just to make a point to the person they are agrueing with? Not that you are contemplating the act...but to make an extreme point that this other person take note of your stress level and help out?

    Back in the day in our group in nursing school we would kid around about suicide when we felt stressed with our classes. No one acted on it; it was kind of said to make a point.
  14. by   Kim O'Therapy
    Thanks for being such a great friend. You're help will mean so much to her. I know this by experience. I recently lost my mother (whom I was very close with) after a five year battle with breast cancer. Five months later, I hit the worst mental and spiritual state I had ever been in before. After two days of not brushing my teeth, showering, studying for finals, of even getting out of bed, I called my best friend (in another state). She gave me hope and did not judge me. Later that day, I called and made an appointment with a therapist and it has been a wonderful difference. I know how she feels. The only reason I did not consider suicide is because I have two wonderful children and a good husband. I did NOT want my kids to go through what I was going through (loss of a mother), so I reached out. Good luck to you. You sound like a loving friend, touchstone, and lifeline.

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