Oh sweet Jesus. This does not fit into the neat little schema that is my life. I got off the phone with my mother 45 minutes ago and my head is pounding. I need to rant. I know that because you people are so very brilliant you will tell me exactly what I need to do with myself. Okay, well at least you'll listen to me rant right?
I was having a good day, really. This besides the fact that I have been awake since 0230 (thanks to my friend Jon -- the hoser -- and his phone call). I was going shopping downtown and was going to make a nice little day of it.
First (as they teach us to do in Nursing Care of the Family) you need to understand my family tree. We come from a very large, small town family of French-Canadian-Catholic decent. Very prone to drama and hysteria and yelling, and are historically very enmeshed in each other's lives. With the exeption of my aunt and cousin who live in Alberta -- we all live within an hour of one another. My grandparents had 10 kids, my father being the oldest and the youngest being only 12 years older than me. He and his sibs all got married and had kids. I am the 3rd oldest of 26(!) cousins. Apart fom that, 10 of us are in heathcare.
My Grandmother, who is pure evil, has been admitted to the hospital for severe CHF, bleeding intestinal polyps and failure to cope with ADLs at home. This sounds soooo cold, but she needs to die and just get it over with, and not drag the rest of us along with her.
So back to the phone call with my mom. She's very stressed. She spills the story. A few days ago she brought my Grandmother to the pacemaker clinic in the city. She was under the impression that this was an emergency, but later found out that it was just a routine appointment. Earth to mom, the woman is in multi-organ failure -- the freaken appointment can wait
. Long story short, g-ma refused to get out of the car when they got back to the hospital. Oh NOOO! She said, I'm not going back there (note -- hep-lock still in arm, and feet so swollen she's wearing hospital slippers). She demands to be taken back to the seniors apartment where she and my frail grandfather live. My parents comply! Now my Grandparents are moving out of their apartment into one in the city WITHOUT ANY HOMECARE SUPPORT OR MONITORING. Nobody is doing anything to stop this. That's okay, we'll just play along and let you live in your own filfth away from our prying eyes -- and we'll all just pretend that everything is just rosy. You'll probably lose your toes and die of starvation, but as long as everyone's happy....
I am so angry and conflicted. I'm mad at myself because I have not intervened (not that I could do anything -- I have no power within my family). I have refused to get involved until this point, because I know that I will only be manipulated by my grandmother. I'll end up as her 24 hr nurse and will be the one called whenever she gets into one of her self-inflicted crisis. I deal with elders who are not in touch with reality on a daily basis. I had to exercise such self-restraint last Sunday, to keep myself from visiting her in the hospital.
I'm mad at my mom for allowing herself to be manipulated. She's a nurse for God's sake, she's not thinking with her head. I'm mad at the hospital for not intervening sooner or at least not laying down the law with her during this past 1 1/2 years of revolving door hospital visits.
My dad is so angry. I really worried about him. He's retreating into his workaholic ways and I have never seen him so stressed. I think he's reliving a lot of years of abuse and neglect. He ran into a lot of psychological problems a few years back and I'm worried he'll relapse.
Thanks for listening.