Oh George Carlin...

  1. I don't agree with all of them, but I confess (a guilty confession) some of them made me laugh, and some of them made me think--"H*LL YEAH!!"

    YES, I'M A BAD AMERICAN

    by George Carlin


    I Am Your Worst Nightmare. I am a BAD American. I am George Carlin.

    I believe the money I make belongs to me and my family, not some mid level governmental functionary be it Democratic or Republican!

    I'm in touch with my feelings and I like it that way, damn it!

    I think owning a gun doesn't make you a killer, it makes you a smart American.

    I think being a minority does not make you noble or victimized, and does not entitle you to anything.

    I believe that if you are selling me a Big Mac, try to do it in English.

    I think fireworks should be legal on the 4th of July.

    I think that being a student doesn't give you any more enlightenment than working at Blockbuster. In fact, if your parents are footing the bill to put your pansy ass through 4 years plus, of college, you haven't begun to be enlightened.

    I believe everyone has a right to pray to his or her God when and where they want to.

    My heroes are John Wayne, Babe Ruth, Roy Rogers, and whoever canceled Jerry Springer.

    I don't hate the rich. I don't pity the poor.

    I know wrestling is fake and I don't waste my time arguing about it.

    I think global warming is a big lie. Where are all those experts now, when I'm freezing my ass off during these long winters and paying, paying, paying?

    I've never owned a slave, or was a slave, I didn't wander forty years In the desert after getting chased out of Egypt. I haven't burned any witches or been persecuted by the Turks and neither have you! So, shut-the-Hell-up already.

    I want to know which church is it exactly where the Reverend Jesse Jackson practices, where he gets his money, and why he is always part of the problem and not the solution. Can I get an AMEN on that one?

    I think the cops have every right to shoot your sorry ass if you're running from them.

    I also think they have the right to pull your ass over if you're breaking the law, regardless of what color you are.

    I think if you are too stupid to know how a ballot works, I don't want you deciding who should be running the most powerful nation in the world for the next four years.

    I dislike those people standing in the intersections trying to sell me crap or trying to guilt me into making "donations" to their cause. These people should be targets.

    I believe that it doesn't take a village to raise a child, it takes two parents.

    I believe if she has her lips on your Willie, it's sex, and this applies even if you are President of the United States.

    And what the hell is going on with gas prices... again?

    If this makes me a BAD American, then yes, I'm a BAD American.
    •  
  2. 12 Comments

  3. by   cactus wren
    :roll :roll :roll

    George has nailed it


    again
  4. by   Ihavethetime
    LOL ROTFLMAO
  5. by   cbs3143
    I am another "Bad American"

    Chuck
  6. by   adrienurse
    I drive an SUV. Apparently, I'm a freaken terrorist.
  7. by   Stargazer
    Man, remember when George Carlin used ta be "edgy"?

    Proof positive that everybody turns into a conservative old fart eventually. Yikes!

    Can't wait for his next piece, "Hey! You kids get offa my lawn!"
  8. by   RN-PA
    I was enjoying this list when I remembered reading something similar by rock singer, Ted Nugent, a few years ago. I did a Google search to try to find it and found a site called TruthOrFiction.com. Both George Carlin and Ted Nugent deny having written this piece entitled "A Bad American" which is the version I'd read attributed to Ted Nugent:

    ~~~~~~~~~~

    A Bad American

    I'm A Bad American. This pretty much sums it up for me.

    I like big trucks, big boats, big houses, and naturally, pretty women.

    I believe the money I make belongs to me and my family, not some midlevel governmental functionary with a bad comb-over who wants to give it away to crack addicts squirting out babies.

    I don't care about appearing compassionate (if I don't actually feel it).

    I think playing with toy guns doesn't make you a killer - I believe ignoring your kids and giving them Prozac might.

    I think I'm doing better than the homeless.

    I don't think being a minority makes you noble or victimized.

    I have the right not to be tolerant of others because they are different, weird or make me mad. This is my life to live, and not necessarily up to others pectations.

    I know what SEX is and there are not varying degrees of it.

    I don't celebrate Kwanzaa. But if you want to that's fine; just don't feel like everyone else should have to.

    I believe that if you are selling me a Dairy Queen shake, a pack of cigarettes, or hotel room you do it in English. As of matter of fact, if you are an American citizen you should speak English. My uncles and forefathers shouldn't have had to die in vain so you can leave the countries you were born in to come disrespect ours, and make us bend to your will. Get over it.

    I think the cops have every right to shoot your sorry butt if you're running from them after they tell you to stop. If you can't understand the word 'freeze' or 'stop' in English, see the previous line.

    I don't use the excuse "it's for the children" as a shield for unpopular opinions or actions.

    I know how to count votes and I feel much safer letting a machine with no political affiliation do a recount when needed.

    I know what the definition of lying is, and it isn't based on the word -- ever.

    I don't think just because you were not born in this country, you qualify for any special loan programs, gov't sponsored bank loans, etc., so you can open a hotel, 7-Eleven, trinket shop, or anything else, while the indigenous peoples can't get past a high school education because they can't afford it.

    I didn't take the initiative in inventing the Internet.

    I thought the Taco Bell dog was funny.

    I want them to bring back safe and sane fireworks.

    I believe no one ever died because of something Ozzy Osbourne, Ice-T or Marilyn Manson sang, but that doesn't mean I want to listen to that crap from someone else's car when I'm stopped at a red light. But I respect your right to.

    I think that being a student doesn't give you any more enlightenment than working at Blockbuster or Jack In The Box.

    I don't want to eat or drink anything with the words light, lite or fat-free on the package.

    Our soldiers did not go to some foreign country and risk their lives in vainand defend our Constitution so that decades later you can tell me it's a living document ever changing and is open to interpretation. The guys who wrote it were light years ahead of anyone today, and they meant what they said; now leave the document alone, or there's going to be trouble.

    I don't hate the rich.

    I help the poor.

    I know wrestling is fake.

    I've never owned, or was a slave, and a large percentage of our forefathers weren't wealthy enough to own one either. Please stop blaming me because some prior white people were idiots. And remember, tons of white, Indian, Chinese, and other races have been enslaved too; it was wrong for every one of them.

    I believe a self-righteous liberal with a cause is more dangerous than a Hell's Angel with an attitude.

    I want to know exactly which church is it where the "Reverend" Jessie Jackson preaches; and, what exactly is his job function.

    I own a gun, you can own a gun, and any red blooded American should be allowed to own a gun, but if you use it in a crime, then you will serve the time.

    I think Bill Gates has every right to keep every penny he made and continue to make more. If it makes you mad, then invent the next operating system that's better and put your name on the building. Ask your buddy that invented the Internet to help you.

    I don't believe in hate crime legislation. Even suggesting it makes me mad. You're telling me that someone who is a minority, gay, disabled, another nationality, or otherwise different from the mainstream of this country has more value as a human being that I do as a white male? If someone kills anyone, I'd say that it's a hate crime.

    We don't need more laws! Let's enforce the ones we already have.

    I think turkey bacon, turkey beef, turkey fake anything sucks.

    I believe that it doesn't take a village to raise a child; it takes a parent with the guts to stand up to the kid and spank his butt and say "NO!" when it's necessary to do so.

    I'll admit that the only movie that ever made me cry was Ole Yeller.

    I didn't realize Dr. Seuss was a genius until I had a kid.

    I will not be frowned upon or be looked down upon or be made to keep silent because I have these beliefs and opinions. I thought this country allowed me that right. I will not conform or compromise just to keep from hurting somebody's feelings. I'm neither angry nor disenfranchised, no matter how desperately the mainstream media would like the world to believe otherwise.

    Yes, I guess by some people's definition, I may be a bad American.

    But that's tough.

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    Here's a link to the site:

    http://www.truthorfiction.com/rumors/badamerican.htm

    So if they didn't write this, who did?
  9. by   Mkue
    Originally posted by wv_nurse 2003
    And what the hell is going on with gas prices... again?

    , I liked all of them actually !
  10. by   DebsZoo
    ok, I'll do it............................don't care who wrote it......it fits

    And Amen to the Global warming comment!!!!!
  11. by   Mkue
    Originally posted by wv_nurse 2003
    I
    I think the cops have every right to shoot your sorry ass if you're running from them.

  12. by   zudy
    :chuckle I liked the Taco bell dog, too!
  13. by   emily_mom
    I received this via email a few years ago but this one was much cleaner....
  14. by   nurs4kids
    Originally posted by RN-PA
    I was enjoying this list when I remembered reading something similar by rock singer, Ted Nugent, a few years ago. I did a Google search to try to find it and found a site called TruthOrFiction.com. Both George Carlin and Ted Nugent deny having written this piece entitled "A Bad American" which is the version I'd read attributed to Ted Nugent:

    ~~~~~~~~~~

    A Bad American

    I'm A Bad American. This pretty much sums it up for me.

    I like big trucks, big boats, big houses, and naturally, pretty women.

    I believe the money I make belongs to me and my family, not some midlevel governmental functionary with a bad comb-over who wants to give it away to crack addicts squirting out babies.

    I don't care about appearing compassionate (if I don't actually feel it).

    I think playing with toy guns doesn't make you a killer - I believe ignoring your kids and giving them Prozac might.

    I think I'm doing better than the homeless.

    I don't think being a minority makes you noble or victimized.

    I have the right not to be tolerant of others because they are different, weird or make me mad. This is my life to live, and not necessarily up to others pectations.

    I know what SEX is and there are not varying degrees of it.

    I don't celebrate Kwanzaa. But if you want to that's fine; just don't feel like everyone else should have to.

    I believe that if you are selling me a Dairy Queen shake, a pack of cigarettes, or hotel room you do it in English. As of matter of fact, if you are an American citizen you should speak English. My uncles and forefathers shouldn't have had to die in vain so you can leave the countries you were born in to come disrespect ours, and make us bend to your will. Get over it.

    I think the cops have every right to shoot your sorry butt if you're running from them after they tell you to stop. If you can't understand the word 'freeze' or 'stop' in English, see the previous line.

    I don't use the excuse "it's for the children" as a shield for unpopular opinions or actions.

    I know how to count votes and I feel much safer letting a machine with no political affiliation do a recount when needed.

    I know what the definition of lying is, and it isn't based on the word -- ever.

    I don't think just because you were not born in this country, you qualify for any special loan programs, gov't sponsored bank loans, etc., so you can open a hotel, 7-Eleven, trinket shop, or anything else, while the indigenous peoples can't get past a high school education because they can't afford it.

    I didn't take the initiative in inventing the Internet.

    I thought the Taco Bell dog was funny.

    I want them to bring back safe and sane fireworks.

    I believe no one ever died because of something Ozzy Osbourne, Ice-T or Marilyn Manson sang, but that doesn't mean I want to listen to that crap from someone else's car when I'm stopped at a red light. But I respect your right to.

    I think that being a student doesn't give you any more enlightenment than working at Blockbuster or Jack In The Box.

    I don't want to eat or drink anything with the words light, lite or fat-free on the package.

    Our soldiers did not go to some foreign country and risk their lives in vainand defend our Constitution so that decades later you can tell me it's a living document ever changing and is open to interpretation. The guys who wrote it were light years ahead of anyone today, and they meant what they said; now leave the document alone, or there's going to be trouble.

    I don't hate the rich.

    I help the poor.

    I know wrestling is fake.

    I've never owned, or was a slave, and a large percentage of our forefathers weren't wealthy enough to own one either. Please stop blaming me because some prior white people were idiots. And remember, tons of white, Indian, Chinese, and other races have been enslaved too; it was wrong for every one of them.

    I believe a self-righteous liberal with a cause is more dangerous than a Hell's Angel with an attitude.

    I want to know exactly which church is it where the "Reverend" Jessie Jackson preaches; and, what exactly is his job function.

    I own a gun, you can own a gun, and any red blooded American should be allowed to own a gun, but if you use it in a crime, then you will serve the time.

    I think Bill Gates has every right to keep every penny he made and continue to make more. If it makes you mad, then invent the next operating system that's better and put your name on the building. Ask your buddy that invented the Internet to help you.

    I don't believe in hate crime legislation. Even suggesting it makes me mad. You're telling me that someone who is a minority, gay, disabled, another nationality, or otherwise different from the mainstream of this country has more value as a human being that I do as a white male? If someone kills anyone, I'd say that it's a hate crime.

    We don't need more laws! Let's enforce the ones we already have.

    I think turkey bacon, turkey beef, turkey fake anything sucks.

    I believe that it doesn't take a village to raise a child; it takes a parent with the guts to stand up to the kid and spank his butt and say "NO!" when it's necessary to do so.

    I'll admit that the only movie that ever made me cry was Ole Yeller.

    I didn't realize Dr. Seuss was a genius until I had a kid.

    I will not be frowned upon or be looked down upon or be made to keep silent because I have these beliefs and opinions. I thought this country allowed me that right. I will not conform or compromise just to keep from hurting somebody's feelings. I'm neither angry nor disenfranchised, no matter how desperately the mainstream media would like the world to believe otherwise.

    Yes, I guess by some people's definition, I may be a bad American.

    But that's tough.

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    Here's a link to the site:

    http://www.truthorfiction.com/rumors/badamerican.htm

    So if they didn't write this, who did?
    i remember a thread with this in it that ran last year..too lazy to search right now, but I'm sure it was here..

    btw..
    i'm a bad american

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