Nursing Care: More Than Just....
When I was still studying, I never really thought that I could end up caring for the sick people of God. I thought of being a doctor, though but not being at the bedside of those sick individuals, doing nursing care was really out of my imagination. But when I started out as a student nurse, there I could finally say I was doing what I never thought I'd do. I was happy then. Actually now that I just finished my course, I miss doing those nursing stuffs, those that once I never thought I'd do.
What drives me crazy before is whenever I roam around to my patients' rooms, I always ask them how they feel and if everything is okay. I smile at them as if everything is all right inside of me. I talk to them as if I'm not tired hearing how sick they are. I touch them as if I'm not afraid that they might transfer the microorganisms they have. I massage them if they'd ask for it as if I really know to be like a physical therapist. I comfort them as if I really know how to. I give their medicines as if I know when they'll be okay. I act like a kind one to them as if angry was never been into my vocabulary. My patients' know that I'm right there to make them feel better and to get them well. What they actually have failed to realize is that I'm there because I can't help but to be just right there. They don't know that behind those smiles, talks, touches, massages, comforts, and kindness were products of the disguising me. Its hard whenever I ask them how they feel and if everything is doing well because I know that my heart is running so fast on my mouth to utter what the world really wants to hear. Its hard to question them if everything is okay because at the back of my mind, I'm not feeling ok either. It's hard to give smile when you feel like crying... talk when all you want to happen for that moment is to keep quite... touch when you feel like wanting somebody to hug you to feel you're not alone... massage when you need to keep resting in order to forget for a while that enemy don't exist... comfort when all you wanted to do is to throw yourself off to the wall and somebody would come to assure you that life will harm you no more. And those things happen in real life situation whether you admit it to yourself or not, it happens. Let's face it. We're human considering both the need of the other and your self is really a tough one.
But things change. My perception now about nursing transcended into a better understanding but too late for me to find. Now, gone all those days wherein I have to wake up early to get at the hospital in order not to be scolded by my terror clinical instructor. Gone where the days I have to be awake at holy hours just to finish doing my NCPs. Gone where the days I have to go to the parlor to have cut my growing hair just to please the standard set by our clinical instructors. And yeah, those days were gone now and I miss it. I miss being once a student. It was then I realized, I miss to be with those sick individuals. I miss offering my services to them even if sometimes I never really wanted to but just because of my terror clinical instructor, I ought doing it and it's great! For now, I'm not just a learned person but also a person who can understand life more (mind you, that terror CI became my close friend, my confidant even).
As I was internalizing things over and over, I come to think that if I stop from there or if I never follow my mom to enter into a nursing course (but I was enrolled unforced yet unwanted) I would, perhaps, never know how to care at the outmost height I can't even weigh. I would have known better how to get rid of a schizotypal behavior or another. I would not have a better and a clearer view of where and I wanted to be. Yes, because of nursing I was able to dream that there's a better hope I must hold unto.. that believing is not far from reality. Nursing taught me so much of thing not just about pathophysiologies of dses, medications, theories, etc. etc. etc. Nursing taught me more about life, about different types of people with different needs, values and beliefs. Because of this course, I learned to care. I learned the virtue of patience. I learned to be one with the real world.
Now, I'm about to leave my home and face what I have to face about the world for me to grow. I'm not only dreaming for my hopes but also for my place where I will leave sooner. And I feel sad leaving the place that once had taught me how to fight with the enemies. But somehow, I need to do this. I have come of age. I have grown wings and I want to see for myself what these wings are made of. It's by flying where I could gauge my ability as a person. It's by flying where I could follow the road that leads me to. Setting yourself to fly was never been that easy. It takes a lot of courage and confidence. It brings one to an overview of what life is really all about.
Then I've thought that nursing is more than just a flight. Nursing is more than just a money you could earn for your daily subsistence... more than a profession you could be proud of... more than a privilege of having.. thus, it's not just about having but more of living with it. It's hard to care when you're tired , not even when you're out in the mood to render your service and moreso, when you don't know how to care (which is a very important character of a nurse). And to care is not just a simple sponge bathing or taking of vital signs q 15 minutes or how you can manipulate well a ventilator... it's what you make a difference to the lives of each pt you encountered.
And the greatest contribution of nursing in my life: CARE! Without having known this, I would end up like a syringe without a plunger, without a needle, without a hand... and if that's the case, how can I inject lives to people?
Last edit by canoehead on Apr 27, '04
: Reason: to make the print bigger so we all can see
Apr 27, '04
I can hardly read this. Could you change the font please, for old folkies like me?