not related-but very hilarious!! pls read and find out if it applies to you

  1. [font="trebuchet ms"]1. my mother taught me to appreciate a job well done.

    "if you're going to kill each other, do it outside. i just
    finished cleaning."

    2. my mother taught me religion.

    "you better pray that will come out of the carpet"

    3. my mother taught me about time travel.

    "if you don't straighten up, i'm going to knock you into the
    middle of next week!"

    4. my mother taught me logic.

    " because i said so, that's why."

    5. my mother taught me more logic.

    "if you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not
    going to the store with me."

    6. my mother taught me foresight.

    "make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an
    accident."

    7. my mother taught me irony.

    "keep crying, and i'll give you something to cry about."

    8. my mother taught me about the science of osmosis.

    "shut your mouth and eat your supper."

    9. my mother taught me about contortionism.

    "will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!"

    10. my mother taught me about stamina.

    "you'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."

    11. my mother taught me about weather.

    "this room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."

    12 my mother taught me about hypocrisy.

    "if i told you once, i've told you a million times. don't
    exaggerate!"

    13. my mother taught me the circle of life.

    "i brought you into this world, and i can take you out."

    14. my mother taught me about behavior modification.

    "stop acting like your father!"

    15. my mother taught me about envy.

    "there are millions of less fortunate children in this world who
    don't have wonderful parents like you do."

    16. my mother taught me about anticipation.

    "just wait until we get home."

    17. my mother taught me about receiving.

    "you are going to get it when you get home!"

    18. my mother taught me medical science.

    "if you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze
    that way."

    19. my mother taught me to think ahead:

    "if you don't pass your spelling test, you'll never get a good
    job."

    20. my mother taught me esp:

    "put your sweater on; don't you think i know when you're cold?"

    21. my mother taught me humor.

    "when that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to
    me."

    22. my mother taught me how to become an adult.

    "if you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."

    23. my mother taught me about sex:

    "how do you think you got here?"

    24. my mother taught me genetics.

    "you're just like your father."

    25. my mother taught me about my roots.

    "shut that door behind you. do you think you were born in a barn?"

    26. my mother taught me wisdom.

    "when you get to be my age, you'll understand."

    27. and my favorite: my mother taught me about justice.

    "one day you'll have kids, and i hope they turn out just like you!"
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  2. 10 Comments

  3. by   HappyJaxRN
    Those were cute. Errr...umm....and familiar. :chuckle
  4. by   ClaireMacl
    :chuckle
  5. by   honeyb111
    I heard every last one of those from my mom growing up and I've caught myself saying more than a few to my daughter
  6. by   psychonurse
    AAAAAAAmmmmeeeeennnn have I heard all those things many times about my job and what I will do to myself if not careful......
  7. by   goats'r'us
    the last one is particularly familiar.
  8. by   Angels'
    :Melody: This thread has lifted my depression..hope to hold that thought.

    Angels'
  9. by   Jessy_RN
    So cute, and true!
  10. by   grace90
    Quote from strssedstudent
    I heard every last one of those from my mom growing up and I've caught myself saying more than a few to my daughter
    Meeee toooooo!
  11. by   Keysnurse2008
    too funny and too familiar.
    you can add this one that you mighta heard too.

    my mother taught me all about physics(action=reaction) and creation..
    girl...you had better straighten up...bc you need to remember i brought you into this world and i can take you out of it too.i can have another one that looks just like ya and the neighbors will never know the difference.do i need to tell you again to go clean that room????------i cleaned my room,,,...right then.
  12. by   grinnurse
    Definately lived through those!!! Now catching myself saying the same to my kiddos!!!

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