Noah and the ark

  1. The Lord spoke to Noah and said, "In six months I am going to make it
    rain until the whole world is covered with water and all the evil things
    are destroyed. But, I want to save a few good people and two of every
    living thing on the planet. I am ordering you to build an ark." And, in
    a flash of lightning, he delivered the specifications for the ark.

    "OK," Noah said, trembling with fear and fumbling with the blueprints,
    "I'm your man."

    Six months passed, the sky began to cloud up, and the rain began to
    fall in torrents. The Lord looked down and saw Noah sitting in his yard,
    weeping, and there was no ark.

    "Noah!" shouted the Lord, "Where is My ark?" A lightning bolt crashed
    into the ground right beside Noah.

    "Lord, please forgive me!" begged Noah. "I did my best, but there were
    some big problems. First, I had to get a building permit for the ark's
    construction, but Your plans did not meet their code. So, I had to hire
    an engineer to redo the plans, only to get into a long argument with
    him about whether to include a sprinkler system. My neighbors objected,
    claiming that I was violating zoning ordinances by building the ark in
    my front yard, so I had to get a variance from the city planning board.
    Then, I had a big problem getting enough wood for the ark, because
    there was a ban on cutting trees to save the spotted owl. I tried to
    convince the environmentalists and the U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service that I
    needed the wood to save the owls, but they wouldn't let me catch them,
    so no owls. Next, I started gathering up the animals but got sued by an
    animal rights group that objected to me taking along only two of each
    kind. Just when the suit got dismissed, the EPA notified me that I
    couldn't complete the ark without filling out an environmental impact
    statement on Your proposed flood. They didn't take kindly to the idea that
    they had no jurisdiction over the Supreme Being. Then, the Corps of
    Engineers wanted a map of the proposed flood plan. I sent them a globe!
    Right now, I'm still trying to resolve a complaint with the Equal
    Opportunities Commission over how many minorities I'm supposed to hire. The IRS
    has seized all my assets claiming that I am trying to leave the
    country, and I just got a notice from the state that I owe some kind of use
    tax. Really, I don't think I can finish the ark in less than five years."

    With that, the sky cleared, the sun began to shine, and a rainbow
    arched across the sky. Noah looked up and smiled. "You mean you are not
    going to destroy the world?" he asked hopefully.

    "No," said the Lord. "The government already has."
    •  
  2. 1 Comments

  3. by   Roy Fokker
    Quote from Farkinott
    "No," said the Lord. "The government already has."
    Ain't that the truth!

close