WHY DID THE CHICKEN CROSS THE ROAD?
George W. Bush
I don't think I should have to answer that question.
I invented the chicken. I invented the road. Therefore, the chicken crossing the road represented the application of these two different functions of government in a new, re-invented way designed to bring greater services to the American people.
The chicken's habitat on the original side of the road had been polluted by unchecked industrialist greed. The chicken did not reach the unspoiled habitat on the other side of the road because it was crushed by the wheels of a gas-guzzling SUV.
I don't know why the chicken crossed the road, but I'll bet it was getting a government grant to cross the road, and I'll bet someone out there is already forming a support group to help chickens with crossing-the-road syndrome. Can you believe this? How much more of this can real Americans take? Chickens crossing the road paid for by their tax dollars, and when I say tax dollars, I'm talking about your money, money the government took from you to build roads for chickens to cross.
Because the chicken was gay! Isn't it obvious? Can't you people see the plain truth in front of your face? The chicken was going to the"other side." That's what "they" call it - the "other side." Yes, my friends, that chicken is gay. And, if you eat that chicken, you will become gay too. I say we boycott all chickens until we sort out this abomination that the liberal media whitewashes with seemingly harmless phrases like "the other side."
Pat Buchanan: To steal a job from a decent, hardworking American.
Colonel Sanders: I missed one?
L. A. Police Dept.: Give us five minutes with the chicken & we'll find out.
Richard M. Nixon: The chicken did not cross the road, I repeat, the chicken did not cross the road. I don't know any chickens. I have never known any chickens.
Bill Clinton: I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What do you mean by chicken? Could you define chicken please?
Dr. Seuss: Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes! the chicken cross the road, but why it crossed, I've not been told!
Ernest Hemingway: To die. In the rain.
Martin Luther King, Jr.: I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads without having their motives called into question.
Grandpa: In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Someone told us that the chicken crossed the road, & that was good enough.
Aristotle: It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.
Karl Marx: It was a historical inevitability.
Saddam Hussein: This was an unprovoked act of aggression by a dissident fowl, & we were quite justified in giving the chicken anthrax, which we do not produce, & have never seen.
Ronald Reagan: What chicken?
Capt. James T. Kirk: To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.
Fox Mulder: You saw it cross the road with your own eyes. How many more chickens have to cross before you believe it?
Machiavelli: The point is that the chicken crossed the road. Who cares why? The end of crossing the road justifies whatever motive there was.
Freud: The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken crossed the road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity.
Bill Gates: I have just released eChicken 2003, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook---and Internet Explorer is an inextricable part of eChicken.
Einstein: Did the chicken really cross the road or did the road move beneath the chicken?
Louis Farrakhan: The road, you will see, represents the black man. The chicken crossed the "black man" in order to Trample him and keep him down.
Barbara Walters: Isn't that interesting? In a few moments we will be listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heartwarming story of how it overcame a serious case of molting and went on to accomplish its lifelong dream of crossing the road.
John Lennon: Imagine all the chickens crossing roads in peace.
Voltaire: I may not agree with what the chicken did, but I will defend to the death its right to do it.
Ken Starr: I intend to prove that the chicken crossed the road at the behest of the President of the United States of America in an effort to distract law enforcement officials and the American public from the criminal wrongdoing our highest elected official has been trying to cover up. As a result, the chicken is just another pawn in the president's ongoing and elaborate scheme to obstruct justice and undermine the rule of law. For that reason, my staff intends to offer the chicken unconditional immunity provided he cooperates fully with our investigation. Furthermore, the chicken will not be permitted to reach the other side of the road until our investigation and any Congressional follow-up investigations have been completed.
Nov 10, '02
I passed this along to everyone in my mailbox!