New Alcohol Warning labels

  1. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell happened to your bra.

    WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when you are not.

    WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like a dork.

    WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell your friends over and over again that you love them.

    WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to think you can sing.

    WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that ex-lovers are really dying for you to telephone them at four in the morning.

    WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you can logically converse with other members of the opposite sex without spitting.

    WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you have mystical Kung Fu powers, resulting in you getting your butt kicked.

    WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to roll over in the morning and see something really scary.

    WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of inexplicable rug burns on the forehead.

    WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, smarter, faster and better looking than most people.

    WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe you are invincible.

    WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are laughing with you.

    WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause a disturbance in the time-space continuum, whereby gaps of time may seem to literally disappear.

    WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause pregnancy.

    THINGS THAT ARE DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN YOU'RE DRUNK:
    1. Innovative
    2. Preliminary
    3. Proliferation
    4. Cinnamon

    THINGS THAT ARE VERY DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN YOU'RE DRUNK:

    1. Specifically
    2. British Constitution
    3. Passive-aggressive disorder

    THINGS THAT ARE DOWNRIGHT IMPOSSIBLE TO SAY WHEN YOU'RE DRUNK:

    1. Thanks, but I don't want to have sex.
    2. Nope, no more beer for me.
    3. Sorry, but you're not really my type.
    4. Good evening, officer. Isn't it lovely out tonight?
    5. Oh, I couldn't. No one wants to hear me sing.

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  2. 8 Comments

  3. by   Fun2, RN, BSN
    These are funny!


    Actually, when I get drunk, I'm the sexiest, most beautiful person....everyone wants me.

    Ok, maybe I need another beer. HAHAHA
  4. by   mercyteapot
    They're all funny, but I laughed extra hard at the one about the rug burns. When I was in college, I once awoke after a particularly drunken night to find footprints on my arm. Okaaaaaaaaayyy...
  5. by   Roy Fokker
    I dance like a dork even without consuming alcomohol...
  6. by   leslie :-D
    ...and i laugh knowingly. those were great.
    btw, yrs ago i was driving home with quite the buzz, and did get stopped by an officer.
    and YES, i did say verbatum, "good evening officer, isn't it a lovely evening out tonight?"
    thank God i was close to home. i told him i had never drunk before and that i had only one drink and i felt absolutely miserable .
    he believed me and followed me home.
    and i think i was spitting in HIS face.:chuckle

    leslie
  7. by   Jessy_RN
  8. by   nurse4theplanet
    tooo funny. I have one to add

    WARNING: the consumption of alcohol will make you more tolerant of peeing just about anywhere and in front of anybody.
  9. by   bethin
    Quote from mercyteapot
    They're all funny, but I laughed extra hard at the one about the rug burns. When I was in college, I once awoke after a particularly drunken night to find footprints on my arm. Okaaaaaaaaayyy...
    In college I passed out in front of the door so when my roommate came home (drunk) she couldn't get in. She kept pushing and pushing the door into my side. The thing is, I never woke up while she was doing this. I had bruises and asked how I got them and that's when she told me.

    Also, I've learned not to drink alot in foreign countries. I was in South Korea near a military base and my friend and her new hubby (he was in the army) went to a bar to celebrate. All I know is that the hubby's roommate had a camera and was taking pics of my friend and I dancing. Have no clue where those pics are. Maybe on the internet? Anyway, I figured out that those sex on the beach drinks were really, really, really strong.
  10. by   GPatty

    These are great!

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