Need to Vent!

  1. Let me start off by saying this is a personal vent, not a nursing vent.

    I am an only child. My husband has a younger brother that is 22. He has dated a girl, off & on, for about 3-4 years. She dropped out of high school shortly after they started dating, has been off & on drugs for most of that time, has been to more rehab programs than I can count, and supports these habits with an illustrious career as a stripper (not that I have anything against strippers, it's just how it fits in with the entire picture).

    My brother-in-law is no prize either. 3-foot tall bongs are part of his living room decor. Once while visiting, my son found a vial of a mysterious white powder in the bathroom. He has a child from a previous relationship, one he no longer sees, and I've never even laid eyes on. I bet he's about 4 now.

    Well, he gets this last girl pregnant. They're very off again & on again, and I get tired of it. I tell him, "you can't tell us things she does to you, make us hate her, and expect us to like her again when you get back together." I told him she was no longer welcome in our home when she started stealing from my MIL. That's when she slit mine and my MIL's tires.

    At Christmas time, when she was about 3-4 months pregnant and they were indeed together again, she stole his car, sold it and it's belongings for crack, and then took herself to an ER in the morning.

    He didn't press charges. Thought he could save her. Loved her and his baby.

    Well, she delivered a healthy baby boy, at my hospital and on my unit no less. She admitted to crack cocaine 3 weeks ago. Her tox screen was + for cocaine and pot. Lab lost the babies meconium, but the urine was -. I watched from the nurses station as CSB filed into her room, and I watched as they filed out with their "saftey plan" in hand. I watched as she smiled smugly at me on her way out the door. Her mother even shot me nasty looks, as if I were the one holding a crack pipe at that very moment.

    My brother in law called us late last night to give us the good news. CSB dropped their case against her, "she can leave her house now, and doesn't even have to take those p*ss tests every week!"

    Hubby told me and I just cried in bed last night. I've written my BIL off as a f*ck head long ago, but he's my only chance to ever be someone's aunt, and I'm only ever gonna be an aunt to crack babies that that I never see that live with crack addicts. (did I mention the mother of his first child likes her crack too?)

    I haven't been able to figure out why it bothers me so much this time. Perhaps it's because I saw this baby. Even got to hold him in the nursery and comfort him as he fussed, while his mother went out to smoke with her friends. I looked at him, the day after he was born and some of the facial swelling went down, and recognized the facial features of my BIL and husband. And as I sit here, I am so sad and scared for that baby, and I've never felt such disgust for 2 parents, even in my line of work.

    I'm sorry for making this so long. I thank you if you've even made it this far, let alone if you decide to comment. I just needed to let it out. Thanks.

    Heather
    Last edit by OBNURSEHEATHER on Jul 15, '02
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  2. 28 Comments

  3. by   KaraLea
    Heather, I am so sorry you and your family are going through this right now. You are in my thoughts and prayers as are those poor little babies, they are the real victoms in this situation.
    {{{{HEATHER}}}} {{{{BABIES}}}}
  4. by   delirium
    Heather:
    I am so sorry for you, your husband, and your family. I have had more than my fair share of dealings with drug addicts, particularly crack, for whatever reason, and I know how frustrating and heartbreaking it is to deal with that.
    The children are the ones who truly suffer... I maintain that addicts choose their lifestyle (although I was angrily reminded more than once... "what do you know about drugs? The worst thing you've ever taken is tylenol", as if that's a bad thing), but the children are born into the situation and never have the opportunity to make such a choice.
    So the baby is staying with the parents? Is your BIL still with her?
    How horrible for you that the baby was delivered in your hospital, in your unit, talk about compounding the pain and sorrow you feel.
    I'm sorry. I will pray for your family and for this innocent child.
    :kiss
  5. by   OBNURSEHEATHER
    Originally posted by MsPurp
    So the baby is staying with the parents? Is your BIL still with her?
    The baby is with his, ahem, mother, who lives with her parents. My BIL continues to shack up with, and leech off of, friends. He is a union iron worker, makes more an hour that I do. Can't afford to live on his own to due child support payments and his own drug habit.

    Heather
  6. by   GPatty
    Heather~
    I'm sending prayers your way. God bless you my dear lady....

    I can understand some of what you are going through. Our daughter is a mess up too with alcohol and (we think) drugs. Every time we get our 5 y/o grandson for a visit, (from his mothers permission or sometimes she just leaves him) we try to keep him. We have NO LEGAL RECOURSE!
    I just don't get it....she abandons him for weeks on end...no word, no nothing, but according to the law, she hasn't abandoned him because she left him with us... Every time we try to get a lawyer appointment, they are too busy at the time. She has a 6th sense that tells her when we go to a lawyer...she ALWAYS shows up about 3 days before our appointment!
    Now, she has just reconciled with a man who she claims as her husband (she's married to someone else AND him!) and who beat her and my grandson up a month ago....and we could do nothing about letting her take our grandson yesterday back to that environment.....nothing....so we stand back and wait, with our hearts breaking and prayers daily....
    I just don't understand how these things can happen.....

    God bless you,
    Julie
  7. by   OBNURSEHEATHER
    I'm so sorry to hear about your daughter and grandson Julie. My thoughts are with you too.

    You know, I really don't care what kinds of choices adults make for themselves, or what kind of lives they lead, or what they put into their bodies. But I'm so tired of seeing them take their kids down with them. I see it EVERY DAY at work, and I guess it just hit close enough to home this time to snap me out of the jaded OB nurse "everyone gets to take their baby home" sarcastic attitude.

    Heather
    Last edit by OBNURSEHEATHER on Jul 15, '02
  8. by   GPatty
    I agree my friend.....I agree.....
    maybe someday...
  9. by   Cindy_A
    Heather,
    I'm sorry to hear about your situation. Being an only child myself, I can understand how you feel about your only nephew. It is so sad when innocent little childeren must suffer because their parents are so selfish. Keep track of him, I don't know how much you can do, but hopefully you can make a diference.
  10. by   aimeee
    Wow, Heather. That is a sad tale indeed. T's & P's to you and to all whose lives are affected by this.
  11. by   Love-A-Nurse
    ((((Heather)))) I pray for the baby, his parents, you and your family.
  12. by   kids
    I can't imagine how painful this is for you Heather. My Mom has 4 great grandchildren, 2 she has never see, the other 2 she saw enough to fall in love with. All are in foster homes in various states.

    One thought I had when reading your post was "wow, a healthy drug baby". Half of my caseload has a dx of hypoxic anoxic encephalopathy...translation: they are crack or meth abruptions...trached, tube fed, seizuring little vegies living in foster homes.
  13. by   RNinICU
    Heather, I too am praying for you and your family. One piece of advice I have for you is to try to keep some kind of relationship with this child if the parents will allow it. It will be painful for you to see him treated badly, but you and hubby may be the only stable influence in his life. And don't hesitate to call protective services if you feel you need to. I had a friend who had to call them three times, but finally got action about a niece who was being raised in a similar situation. Hugs to you and your family
  14. by   shay
    Heather, that sucks up one side and down the other....I can't even imagine. I would feel just sheer rage. And lemme guess..........THE STATE PAID FOR HER PREGNANCY AND DELIVERY, AND IS PAYING FOR HER BABY'S FOOD, TOO??

    Just makes me want to vomit. The state where I live is waaaaaaaay to leniant and liberal when it comes to drug mothers. I think of that movie 'Losing Isaiah' all the time. Nauseating. Just nauseating.

    So sorry, hon. You know I'll be thinking of you both.

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