Need to snivel

  1. It has been a hell of a past couple of weeks...and I am literally at the end of my rope. I can't believe I got clean and sober for this s**t.

    Pain Management clinic is still making me drive 40 miles round trip thice a week for a Duragesic patch because I lost my scrip for Kadian last month.

    Febuary 1 my 72 year old Mom was working full time in a SNF. Got a URI that kicked up her asthma big time...couldn't seem to wean off the Prednisone.
    17 days ago had a chest x-ray because the asthma wasn't clearing up, she had a chronic low grade temp and thought she had cracked some ribs when she tripped over the cat and caught the sofa arm in the ribs. The CRX showed a 5 cm left hilar mass. 14 days ago chest CT showed lymph nodes enlarged and massed from hilum to just below the trachea..dx lumphoma.
    13 days ago a needle biopsy of 2 small but palpable nodes- quick slide consistant with lymphoma.
    8 days ago final patho shows small cell lung cancer. Met the ONC 5 days ago, says it is extensive and metastatic. Had an abd. CT on Monday, PICC line yesterday and started chemo today (did great...snacked all the way through it, then when home and ate dinner). Shes on a "Canadian schedule" of cisplatin and VP16...standard dosing divided over 3 days and done Q 3 weeks, has the same statistical outcome but is better tolerated. Plans to go back to work for a few hours a week doing paperwork in a few weeks. The ONC says its a realistic goal (so what changed since last Friday when he had me go fill out the paperwork for Hospice?) Goes to chemo tomorrow and Friday, bone scan and an appointment with an attorney on Monday. I am also dealing with all of the aunts, uncles, cousins, brothers and sisters because nobody wants to upset her or 'both' her when she's not feeling good. Did I mention that I am her POA and she doesn't drive? My siblings either can't get off of work or "can't deal with all of that medical stuff"...translation: "you are the Nurse, you deal with it all and translate what we need to know but don't tell us anything we won't like 'cuz we'll cry on the phone for an hour and screw your home, husband and children 'cuz we need you".

    Monday we got word that my 57 year old mother-in-law in Oklahoma failed the first round of chemo for metastatic ovarian cancer. CA125 II counts tripled in 2 months after completing the first round.

    My 21 year old daughter and her fiancee (22 yo)... (been 'together since they were 15 & 16) have been having financial problems...fiancee also has major depression compounded by the season, prolonged unemployment and no money to pay for Paxil. Has a long history of suicidal ideation and self injury-totally controled by meds and counseling. They got in a huge fight last week...they both behaved like idiots (no drugs or ETHO), neighbors called the police and he got hauled off to day he went to court, girl-child and I were both there to stick up for him, his parents didn't show up. Plead to disorderly conduct. Has a mental health eval ordered as part of the terms. As girl-child and I were leaving to court house (to go eat while they processed him out) we run into his parents. His Mom goes ballistic on my daughter...he's moving out and never gonna see her's all her fault...refuses to acknowledge son has a problem...says he likes to "pretend to be a kid with problems and has for years, does it for the attention"...right lady, thats why he laid down in from of a school bus when he was 9 and is alive only because a driver stopped in front of the bus alerted the bus driver. I lost my cool on the Mom...she's an RN, I told her I hoped she never went into Nursing of adolesents and teens 'cuz she's a piss poor excuse for a mother. Kid has minimal internal resources-coping skills are NIL right now. Girl child and the boy agree they want to be together but can't live together right now...boy is now sleeping at my house (glad I like this kid) and in only a week of not being together 24/7 things are much improved-and he has an appointment with the community MH.

    Totall lost my cool at work today...the staffing coordinator and I make up out 'location' (the 2 of us share office space with the regional billing office -which is 3 people)...staffing coordinator and I get along great-she spoon fed me to the Director to get me the job. She made some MAJOR staffing changes today with out talking to me about it- we agreed yesterday we would discuss it this afternoon. We both ended up screaming at each other (naturally the billing people squealed to our Director). We worked it out.

    I had to discharge a child in a medical foster home to a group care facility in another town today. The state says it is cheaper to place him there than pay for foster care and nursing...and the STATE wants him closer to the reservation of the Indian tribe that released their claim to him AND supported his placement with this foster family to the end. Child has extreem dietary needs-is on ketogenic diet for seizures, has had a 50% reduction in meds so far with a 50% decrease in seizure activity...has a true allergy to milk (hives), frequently (Q2 hours)requires urgent NT suctioning as he's aspirating on his own sectetions, has a physicians order for visual check Q 10 minutes due to his seizure and aspiration risks. Group care facility says they cant meet his dietary needs (foods aren't covered by WIC) and they 'don't do visual checks that often'...hadn't even finished taking report when they were on the phone getting his seizure meds doubled and DCing the diet for Pediasure and getting the visual checks DC' a doctor how has NEVER even seen this kids records. Kid was scheduled for a trial with a vagal nerve stimulator next week. Came into our service a vegitable with dx of blind...left our service (and the care of the foster parents who have had him for 21 months) rolling over, sitting for short periods, vocalizing and reaching for toys.

    I quit half my job today. I will stay on doing Clinical Coordinator 24 hours a week but can't take anymore of the disfunctional parents on the 1 case I was still staffing. I love the kid, just not enough to deal with the parents for 16 hours a week. I filled out an application with the 1 hospital here in town...I need to get an other license to work at any of the 12 (?) hospitals "over the bridge". I have no recent acute Med-Surg experience, my back won't take it but I applied to Peds and Newborn because the ads said they were accepting new grads in the positions.

    Thanks if you lasted this long, I really need a pity party but obviously my support system is pretty overloaded themselves.

    Last edit by kids on Mar 7, '02
  2. 17 Comments

  3. by   Jenny P
    Nancy, I'll pray for you and your situation. Go to bed with your hubby with doors locked, some "special" music, lots of candles burning, and just ask him to just hug and cuddle you for a while; nothing else beyond that. Too many changes in your life right now and you need some TLC. I hope things get better soon. {{{{{Nancy}}}}}

  4. by   KRVRN
    Gosh Nancy, I'm so sorry all that's hapening to you right now. Take it one day at a time and pity yourself like Jenny said.
  5. by   aus nurse
    Oh Nancy I'm sniveling with you. What a lot to cope with.
    Keep your chin up hun, but not a good time to give up smoking methinks!!!
    Thinking of you and sending hugs. {{{{{{{Nancy}}}}}}}
  6. by   nursedawn67 sounds like you have reason to snivel. You and your family are in our prayers.
  7. by   hoolahan

    With all the personal stress, no wonder work is getting to you. I think you made a wise choice to cut back w/ the dysfunctional parents, you have enough on your plate right now. I'll keep you in my prayers.
  8. by   live4today
    Reaching out to you with arms open wide to offer you a warm (((HUG))) and :kiss, praying you'll soon see a ray of hope and sunny days ahead in your life, Nancy!

    Things always seem to get worse before they get better. Here's hoping your "worse" has passed, and your "brighter days" are only seconds ahead!

    "I've learned that sometimes all a person needs is a hand to hold and a heart to understand." -- Andy Rooney
  9. by   kaycee
    {{{{{Nancy}}}}} I know what you're going through with your mom. I went through the same thing. Hugs and prayers to you and your family, to help you through these troubled times.
  10. by   LTC-LPN
    I read your "sniveling" all the way through and am sending you a hug. Oh my gosh, I cannot believe that some people get so much to deal with at once. Praying for you to stay strong.

    Jane Ann
  11. by   NurseDennie
    ((((((((((((((((((((((((Nancy))))))))))))))))))))) ))))))))))))))))))


  12. by   NRSKarenRN
    My hug comming too...come to chat when you can in the eve to unload with us anytime. Prayers flowing from Philly too,
  13. by   Mary Dover
    Oh Nancy (((((((((((((Nancy)))))))))))))). Don't let yourself feel any guilt for doing things you need to do to take care of yourself. BTW- in case you weren't aware, Smith-Kline Beecham has a pt assistance program for Paxil, tell you're daughter's boyfriend to inquire about it when he goes for his appointment. The kid needs to get back on his med. Take care. God bless you and your family.
  14. by   RNforLongTime
    Although I have no idea of the amount of stress that you're under, I'll keep you and your family in my prayers! Hugs to you and yours!