Need to let it out,,, Thank you

  1. ,,, wow,,, this is going to be a first for me,, due to past baggage,, i am not good at sharing,, opening up,,, i love to help others,,, listen,, always provide a shoulder to cry on,, i am a good friend,,, but~~~there are only 2/3 close to me, i am comfortable enough,,, to let myself feel vunerable,,,,,,,

    this morning i feel compelled to open up to you,,,, my allnurses siblings,,,, this speaks volumes to me,,, how i percieve this board,, how i trust,, the amazing ppl. here,,,,,,,

    thank you,,,,

    i am,,,, i think at the breaking point!!!!!! i don't know how much longer,,, i can go,,, i just want to get on a plane,,, that won't help,, everything will still be in my head,,,,

    i am going to try to condense this,, so it still (hopefully) makes sense,,, but does not turn out to be the size of a novel,,,,

    professionally~

    i am middle management,, salary,, 24/7,,, work with the largest perecentage of sh*t stirrers,,, than i though possible,,, it is long overdue to change jobs,, i am activily persuing that,,, going in total different direction,,,, home health,,, so,,, stress of job,, changing,, leaving "comfortable" known,,,, for the unknown,,, guilt over leaving my residents,,, some of my staff,,, who i truly care about,,,

    personally~~

    six months ago,,, from nowhere,, my husband,, & i found out he has a daughter,,, (the ex~ decided not to tell until now,,, ) we now have gone from a family of two,,, with our "girls," the dogs,, to a family,,,, of five,,,, the ex~,,, who just makes herself,,, right at home,,,, our daughter,,,, and her 17 sister,,,,,, i am doing a lot of deep breathing here,,,, i have to say,, hubby is doing his best,,, to control the situation,, always making sure,,, i am considered in every decision,, so bless him for that,, he is a good man,,,,

    as is his family,,, his parents welcomed me with open arms,, from the first moment,,, i met them,,, i have no family,,,, close,,, so this was wonderful for me,,, c. (mother in law) mother of three sons,,,, introduces me & treats me as her only daughter,,, (i am her only dil,,,, ) told me no matter what lfe brings,, i will always be her first little girl,,,,, i love them so,,,,,,

    five years ago,,, she was dx,, multiple myeloma,, since then she has fought the battle of her life,,, with her positive attitude,, her belief in god,,, the wonderful ppl at the arkansas reseach center,,,she is celebrating two years of remission,,,,

    this battle as you know,,, affected not only c. but all of us who loved her and cared for her as she was so sick,,,, her husband,, is a wonderful man,,,,, meeting him,, you understand,,, why my husband is the person he is,,,

    present~~~

    he is going in tomorrow morning for a triple cabg,,,, unexpected,, had cath. done,, yesterday,,,,,,

    omg,,,, okay,, i feel the cardiac healthcare team here,, is very good,,, s.(fil) overall is heathly,,, no other problems,, he is 67,,, looking at the whole picture,,, c. will be at the hospital,,, will not be able to keep her away,,, she doesnt' have any immune system,,, i will be fighting,, the whole time for her to keep a mask on,,,, wash her hands,,,,

    i am worried,, how she is going to handle seeing s. after the surgery,,,, he has been the rock for the last five years,,,, (btw,, she is 64,,, dx /c mm at 59),,, my husband,,, his two brothers,, dealing now with the father,,, ill,, after the last years with c.,,,,

    i came home yesterday,,, stopping at the hospital after a 12 hour work day,,,, to a phone call,,,,, i have a nurse,,,, reporting off,, /c dr's orders,,, leaving me to fill 32 hours,, now till saturday. there are four of us,,,, one is out of town,,, the weekend,, so i am working evening shift,, tonight,,, (hence,, the time to post this,,, ),,, at the hospital,,, tomorrow,,, working a double,,, days & evenings,,, saturday,,,,,,,,

    i just want to get on a plane,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, thanks so much for listening,,,, take care,,,,, nik~
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  2. 44 Comments

  3. by   Robin61970
    (((((HUGS)))))) to you....we are here for you!
  4. by   kittyw
    ((((Hugs)))) to you. We can't do it and handle it all, and none of us think less of you for it. :kiss Maybe take a bubble bath when you get home and order out for dinner (whenever dinner may be).

    Come back and vent anytime - we'll be here.
  5. by   RNIAM
    I know you don't know me and I don't know you. Having said that I am so sorry that you are having such a hard time. You seem to have a wonderful family, strong , faithful and the stick together type. I send you my best wishes for the upcomming sugery. continueing strength for your MIL. I also want to send a serious cyber hug to you and if you ever need anyone to talk to pm me and I will give you my email. Good luck on the job hunt and know that you are being thought of.
  6. by   NursieRN
    Nik, you really have a lot on your plate right now. Seems like
    you have kept it inside for a long time.

    We are here for you, whenever you want to talk. (((hugs)))
  7. by   Tweety
    Thanks for sharing. Hugs.
  8. by   Rustyhammer
    Wish I could go work one of those shifts for you.
    You gotta roll with it and realize that its what you can do.
    Know that you can only do so much and you can't be stretched forever.
    Love and Peace,
    -Russell
  9. by   researchrabbit
    ((((((((((nakitamoon)))))))))))

    Be sure and take good care of yourself...
  10. by   karenG
    I wish I could help. I am so sorry- so if you get on that plane....you could come here!

    deep breath and one day at a time. Take care of yourself..........

    Karen
  11. by   emily_mom
    Originally posted by Rustyhammer
    Wish I could go work one of those shifts for you.
    You gotta roll with it and realize that its what you can do.
    Know that you can only do so much and you can't be stretched forever.
    Love and Peace,
    -Russell
    Exactly what Rusty said. Wish we could be there to help you out. Prayers to your entire family. Keep us posted....we're always here for you. :kiss

    Kristy
  12. by   ShandyLynnRN
    I don't know what to say except that I am sending thoughts your way, and saying prayers for you and your family.
  13. by   RNonsense
    Awww Nik..I am so sorry you're going thru all this! Big Hugs! Prayers and best wishes to you and your family. We are always here if you need us!
  14. by   BadBird
    Nikita,

    You sure do have a lot on your plate, you must be amazingly strong! Will send positive thoughts your way, hope the surgery and recovery go well. As far as the work situation since you are planning on finding another job anyway, just take family leave, you are entitled to it and the administrators will have to make do without you, filling in with agency or travelers or god forbid themselves.

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