Need Personal Advice Not Related to Nursing

  1. Brian, I think we need a personal problems thread!!!

    Anyway, I couldn't find another place to post this but I could really use some advice & opinions from an objective viewpoint.

    Some of you know my father passed this past Saturday, Dec. 3rd. My problem is with my "best friend" of 5 yrs. I'll make this as short as I can. I spoke with her the weekend before & things seemed fine between us. I informed her that my father was not doing well & it didn't look good. She sent an email on Sat. Dec. 3 evening that she needed "an emotional break from me & hoped I would understand". No other explanation. I was still at the hospital & since my dad passed late, I didn't see it until Sunday morning. My DH told me about it before he let me read it.
    I thought this was pretty crappy. I have been there for her through everything from job problems, death of her cat, death of a friend, death of her birth-mother, her FIL's death & everything in-between. The one major event that has occured to me during our friendship when I needed her the most, she bales. BTW, we were supposed to go spend Thanksgiving with her & her hubby, but my dad went into the hospital so we didn't go since it was out-of-state.

    I sent her back an email that said I didn't understand, my father had passed & thanks for being there for me! I'm crushed, heart-broken & angry. I feel abandoned by her in my time of need of a "best friend". My trust in her has been broken. I'm seriously considering ending the so-called friendship. I feel this is beyond repair. I think this has shown her true colors.

    My DH is saying I'm being a bit hyper-sensitive since I just lost my dad & I should hold off doing anything right now, but again, I feel this was one of the worst things she could do & beyond repair in my eyes.

    Any advice/opinions would be appreciated. What would you do???
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  2. 25 Comments

  3. by   brinley_s
    First I am very sorry for your loss, I will keep you and your family in my prayers. In regards to your friend I would wait a few weeks to contact her until your emotions have calmed a little bit. I do think that tragedy will bring out our best friends and expose the worst friends. If your friend does not step forward to help you through this tough time I think you need to talk to her to decide what kind of friend she is. Good luck and once again I am sorry for your loss.
  4. by   Marie_LPN, RN
    Quote from N.S.46
    Brian, I think we need a personal problems thread!!!

    Anyway, I couldn't find another place to post this but I could really use some advice & opinions from an objective viewpoint.

    Some of you know my father passed this past Saturday, Dec. 3rd. My problem is with my "best friend" of 5 yrs. I'll make this as short as I can. I spoke with her the weekend before & things seemed fine between us. I informed her that my father was not doing well & it didn't look good. She sent an email on Sat. Dec. 3 evening that she needed "an emotional break from me & hoped I would understand". No other explanation. I was still at the hospital & since my dad passed late, I didn't see it until Sunday morning. My DH told me about it before he let me read it.
    I thought this was pretty crappy. I have been there for her through everything from job problems, death of her cat, death of a friend, death of her birth-mother, her FIL's death & everything in-between. The one major event that has occured to me during our friendship when I needed her the most, she bales. BTW, we were supposed to go spend Thanksgiving with her & her hubby, but my dad went into the hospital so we didn't go since it was out-of-state.

    I sent her back an email that said I didn't understand, my father had passed & thanks for being there for me! I'm crushed, heart-broken & angry. I feel abandoned by her in my time of need of a "best friend". My trust in her has been broken. I'm seriously considering ending the so-called friendship. I feel this is beyond repair. I think this has shown her true colors.

    My DH is saying I'm being a bit hyper-sensitive since I just lost my dad & I should hold off doing anything right now, but again, I feel this was one of the worst things she could do & beyond repair in my eyes.

    Any advice/opinions would be appreciated. What would you do???
    I would see this as a new begining for you. Evaluate how the friendship REALLY was, learn from it, and remember this to determine what you want and need from a friendship.

    I would also not reply anymore to her or talk to her, but that's just me. It's part of how i move on.
  5. by   FoxyRoxy21
    I too am so sorry for your loss. My father passes away a year and half ago, I can honestly say I fell your pain. I know this may seem pretty cold hearted but I would dump the friend. You deserve to have a friend that can treat you the same way you trat them. She sounds like she doesn't know how to be a good friend - she's running from you when you need someone most. You don't need that kind of energy around you. It sounds like you give and give and give and all she does is take. Tell her how her abandoning made your feel, and how you have lost all trust in her. If she really is friendship worthy she will prove herself to you, but if she can't don't worry about because your better off without her. Sorry if you don't agree, but I know how important it is to have a friend around - especially during a time like this.
  6. by   Lisa CCU RN
    In my opinion, you should find out what is so terribly wrong in HER life that she would abandon you like this. I am so sorry for you loss and nothing could be worse for you now, but apparently in her mind her problems are more important. Maybe she has a secret she is not telling you. I would look into this because I can't see why ANYONE would act so coldly at such a critical time, but it has been my experience that people will and can do some strange and cruel things. Wait a little while though while you heal from this injury-- she can wait.
  7. by   chaosRN
    I am so sorry for the loss of your father.
    About your friend, I would give it a few weeks, like brinley_s said, to contact her & see whats going on. I lost the best friend I have ever had over something childish & stupid & regret it to this day . IFthis friend is/was really a good friend to you like you are to her, please give it some time and talk to her. But, if you're doing all the work in the relationship, it may be time to find another "best friend". :wink2:
  8. by   rn in 3 years
    Quote from Marie_LPN
    I would also not reply anymore to her or talk to her, but that's just me. It's part of how i move on.

    Me too. And NO, I do not think you are being hyper-sensitive or ever your hubby said. She is just being a hyper-b***h.

    Sorry about your Dad. *hugs*
  9. by   tencat
    I agree with the others who say wait. It's one more thing you don't need to deal with right now. I would feel like you do that the friendship might not survive this kind of abandonment at such a crucial time, and maybe that will be a good thing. It's hard to see what the future holds, but a lot of things work out for the best (even in ways we never thought they would). I'm so sorry about your father. :kiss
  10. by   wincha
    Quote from N.S.46
    Brian, I think we need a personal problems thread!!!

    . 3 evening that she needed "an emotional break from me & hoped I would understand". No other explanation. I was still at the hospital & since my dad passed late, I didn't see it until Sunday morning. My DH told me about it before he let me read it.
    Any advice/opinions would be appreciated. What would you do???
    Sorry about your dad. Just drop her from your list of friends. Obviously she is a user and needed you for her own comfort and doesn't want to be there for you. So walk away. I wouldn't answer her emails, phone calls ect... just drop her out of your life. Good luck. Some people are just not worth it.
  11. by   Town & Country
    Any advice/opinions would be appreciated. What would you do???
    You don't have to do anything - she's done it for you. She obviously doesn't want to be bothered.

    In my opinion, you should find out what is so terribly wrong in HER life that she would abandon you like this. I am so sorry for you loss and nothing could be worse for you now, but apparently in her mind her problems are more important. Maybe she has a secret she is not telling you. I would look into this because I can't see why ANYONE would act so coldly at such a critical time, but it has been my experience that people will and can do some strange and cruel things. Wait a little while though while you heal from this injury-- she can wait.

    Completely disagree - it's not up to you to try to ferret out the "hidden reason" she baled. She flaked out on you and doesn't want to be bothered. What an appalling thing to do to you. Don't talk to her again....
  12. by   LoriChr
    I'm so sorry for your loss. I lost my father three years ago several days before Christmas. No time is good, but losing someone around the holidays is really difficult.
    I think at this point it is in your friends' court as to whether this relationship will continue. As you so accurately phrased it, she baled on you when you needed her most. My best friend was an absolute Godsend when I lost my Dad. I am so sorry that your friend couldn't do the same.
    Maybe she had a reason and will someday share it with you. If you chose to allow her back into your life, at least you know now what you can expect from her. We all need to know who we can trust in time of need.
    Again, my genuine sympathy. (((((big hug))))
  13. by   smk1
    Quote from Marie_LPN
    I would see this as a new begining for you. Evaluate how the friendship REALLY was, learn from it, and remember this to determine what you want and need from a friendship.

    I would also not reply anymore to her or talk to her, but that's just me. It's part of how i move on.
    i agree with this. Sometimes you are eing a much better friend to people than they are to you and it is a pattern of behavior that we don't see until something major comes up. This has happened to me in a different but still difficult situation. If you have been the one to put forth the most time, effort, emotional expense, money (sometimes this is a factor), loyalty and trust, then it is time to phase her out. It is hard when it is an old friend, but you need people in your life that you can count on and that truly care about you. Life is too short for the bullcrap.
  14. by   badgernurse
    Sorry about your dad. My dad recently passed too and I learned a very valuable life lesson in that you truly learn a lot about people around you when something big happens. You learn who your friends are and who your support system consists of. If I were you, I would give her a lot of space right now and leave it alone. Then later on, if you feel you need closure, you may want to find out what her problem is. I think it's pretty sad that she did this via email. What a cop out.

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