need advice please!!!!!!!!

  1. I need advice!!! I'm beginning to lose it! My son is 16yrs. old and obsessed with purchasing a dirtbike. He has a close to new one now, and has put a lot of work and money into it. He races. But he wants a new one, and will trade in his old one. The problem---he has no money for the difference, and not a job (during school). He has odd jobs lined up for the summer+ his regular job. The thing that bothers me is his total obsession. It is beyond a passing thought. He eats, drinks, sleeps this dirtbike. He doesn't talk about anything else. His grades are starting to drop, and he tells me he doesn't care. He just needs to find a job to make more money.He has been bugging me to help, but I keep telling him I can't aford the difference, and it really sunk in today. I think: he totally flipped out. He was throwing things around, and crying, and just acted like someone I had never seen before! I never thought about it before, but it was a passing thought that he might hurt himself. This is how far this obsession has been. Or do you think it is a teenager showing frustration? any advice????I've tried to explain it logically, and economically.
    Thanks, oh-agnurse
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    About oh-agnurse

    Joined: Jun '02; Posts: 99
    staff RN on post interventional heart floor/telemetry, CCU RN, OHN in auto industry


  3. by   shygirl
    You should tell him that by his immature, emotional outburst that he obviously isn't ready for a newer model. He is too young by his actions. It's natural to become obsessed whenever we do not get what we want. Maybe you can offer to make up the difference IF his grades are up by the end of the year. Explain to him that all things worth waiting for are also worth working for. You will do him no favor to give in to him now! Think of his future
    wife, he will be spoiled and not willing to WORK for things!

  4. by   maureeno
    'passing thought he might hurt himself' you mean during his tantrum or kill himself because he doesn't have a new bike, or get hurt riding? I'm unclear on how worried you are.
    Your goal might be to keep the 'obsession' as healthful as possible. does he have buddies who share his interest? does he have unrealistic ideas his life would be dramatically improved with a new bike [go from chump to champ?]. It sounds like up until recently he has been responsible. can you set limits on competition only when grades are ok? You are consistent on your lack of need to give money for another bike. do you have another adult to help back you up? is there anyone, a neighbor perhaps, who loves biking?
    I was amazed when my sons got even more difficult at age 16, I thought I'd already weathered the worst, but was wrong. finding other helpers who know you and your son would be excellent. support is essential.
    probably you should expect you are going to yourself feel like you are going to lose it sometimes, we want to do what's right even when we can't figure out what that would be. and sometimes we can't do anything at all. Raising kids is scary business, dangers abound. If you seriously worry he might be suicidal over this, bring it up. acting out his frustration and unhappiness by one time throwing things around is not necessarily terrible, so long as he was not destructive, and not throwing things at you. hopefully he really did finally get your message and regressed in a big but single event way.
    good luck.
  5. by   CountrifiedRN
    I have a 16 year old also, and he does go through moods. He occasionally throws a "temper tantrum" when he doesn't get his way, but usually gets over it pretty quickly, especially when he realizes that acting inappropriately causes more of a set back than accomplishing anything.

    What do you think is behind his obsession? Do you think that there might be something else going on with him, for instance problems at school or with friends, and he is focusing on this dirtbike as a way of avioding it?

    One of the hardest things I've found with my teens is that sometimes they don't even know why they are upset or angry. I think they have a hard time expressing their emotions, and after a while things build up until they have to release it on something.

    Have you tried having a heart to heart with him? Sometimes when I want to get one of my kids to talk, I have him or her go for a ride with me in the car. It's the best place for a private moment, no interruptions, no distractions, and no one else around. We've had the best conversations on these rides, and we've gone through many gallons of gas because once they open up I don't want to stop! Sounds weird, I know, but hey, what ever works to keep communication open.

    I hope it helps to know that you are not alone. Keep us posted. :kiss
  6. by   oh-agnurse
    thanks for all the inputs. They eased my mind. I only thought of harming himself, since teenagers today seem to commit suicide for just about anything. We have had several in our area lately that have done that. It is just scary. He is a little calmer, and we've been trying to talk this through.
    Thank you all!!!
  7. by   renerian
    As a mother of five, don't buy it for him. I don't let my kids work unless their grades are Cs minimum. If they drop they have to quit. I also make them work for their own big purchases. Does he want to race as a profession? Could be his passion.

  8. by   hapeewendy
    just another post that confirms my already existing belief that I am in no way ready for motherhood....
    cuz I *SO* would have freaked out on him for uhhh freaking out on me
    nah what the wise parental allnurses have said is true, I hope that your frustration eases
    we are all here for ya!
    vent away as the mood might strike
    I was 16, not that long ago, and its only a decade later that I realize what a pain I was to my poor mom!
    does the term b*tchfest 1992 mean anything to you? nope? well it sure means something around this house
  9. by   Rustyhammer
    My 11 year old also wants a new dirt bike. I told him if he maintains honor roll and earns enough money working I would pay the 10% down to get one. He is just now getting honor roll and is getting his sh!t together so maybe by his birthday in May he will earn one.
    I have no problem with him racing nor does his mother.
    He just needs to get his priorties straight first.

    edited to correct spelling so that Ted doesn't think badly of me.
    Last edit by Rustyhammer on Dec 12, '02