Need advice again.....

  1. These darn teenage girls are SO high maintenance!!!

    OK, this is the situation. My dtr used to hang out w a girl a lot the beginning of this summer. Her mother is a lovely person, and I have gotten to be friendly with her, not girlfriends, but we'll chat at games and stuff like that.

    My dtr tells me today, that the friend told her she is probably going to sleep with her boyfriend as a gift on his birthday, in early November. I think this is tragic, b/c this particular boy has even called this girl ugly in front of all her friends, has demeaned her, and been in juvie already for threatening kids in school, told one girl he was going to cut her up. He was removed from school, middle school, for that one, but for some reason was allowed to come back this year.

    It seems this girl is "in love" with this "bad boy" and I have seen her here when Kris has had her and some boys over to watch a movie, or whatever, and she has behaved like a total Ho at times. She seems to desperately be seeking make attention.

    If you were me, would you tell her mother? If you were her mother, or father, would you want to know?

    Help, I am so torn. I don't want to see this girl end up used, and tossed aside, or get pregnant, or worse. But not sure telling her mother would make a bity of difference, and it would be certain to make things bad for Kris. Advice please!!!
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  2. 12 Comments

  3. by   sunnygirl272
    HMm... seems like although telling her mom seems like the proper parental thing to do, that it might cause a bit of friction between the girls...if that is fine with you, then do it....
    otherwise, my pitiful attempt at advice would be, sometime in the very near future when the friend is at your home, perhaps have a vague, nonjudgemental, nonstructured,
    chat about a hypothetical friend's hypothetical daughter who has a hypothetical lousy b/f...and how your friend hopes her daughter doesn't do something that she might regret, that she wishes she would wait for someone special, that your friend is realistic enough to know that her daughter won't wait for marriage, but that the guy she's with sounds like a jerk, and ask for the girls input on how to advise your friend to handle it with her daughter...
    probably this is a lousy idea....but maybe it would get the friend thinking...and worse case, at least perhaps it will open up some interesting repartee with the teens and you...also can bring up safe sex...yadda yadda...
    Pick a name for your hypothetical friend, say it's one of us, an online buddy....He!!, you're on here enough to that it would not be that farfetched...heehee
  4. by   tiger
    i wouldn't tell, and betray my daughters trust. she may shut you out after that. maybe you could get the okay from your daughter for the three of you (you and the 2 girls) to have a talk about it. don't know what else you could do.
  5. by   sunnygirl272
    gotta be careful how you talk to the other girl specifically..other mother might go psychoballistic about you talking to her girl about s-e-x....that's why i suggested the hypothetical friend, and asking the girls how to adivse you friend to deal with her daughter...
  6. by   l.rae
    Originally posted by tiger
    i wouldn't tell, and betray my daughters trust. she may shut you out after that. maybe you could get the okay from your daughter for the three of you (you and the 2 girls) to have a talk about it. don't know what else you could do.
    l would agree with this if loosing dgtr's trust was worst case scenario......the truth is, you might be saving a young girls life! life....priorities here PLEASE!....still, approach with caution, l think the hypothetical approach is a good idea, you may get a feel for how she would react....if the girl's mother seems unapproachable when you discuss this you will have your answer....Honestly, not all parents hold values and standards for their children....so many times in the ER l see young teens in for preg. tests...brought in by mom.....only to have them both act like they just won the lottery when you tell them the test is pos. l don't know Hoolihan, be cautious, pray...you will get an answer...follow your heart and good luck...please let us know how this turns out.....LR
  7. by   live4today
    Hoolahan.....you could have a talk with your daughter about her having that talk with her friend. She could share your concerns as if they were her concerns with her friend without involving you in it. Sometimes girlfriends who are close to one another can do more good than the parents getting involved.

    Chances are that girl's mother has an inclination about her daughter's wild side anyway. Or, you could have your daughter rent a movie that speaks about that same situation and invite the girl over to watch it with her. There are lots of teenaged movies that deal with situations like what you shared. Search the Blockbuster website or another video website for videos relating to teen relationships and how they should handle them. You want to make it a REAL teen movie....they may not watch one of those educational films......then, who knows...they just might.
  8. by   tiger
    Originally posted by sunnygirl272
    gotta be careful how you talk to the other girl specifically..other mother might go psychoballistic about you talking to her girl about s-e-x....that's why i suggested the hypothetical friend, and asking the girls how to adivse you friend to deal with her daughter...
    good point. hypothetical or going through your daughter may be best. don't wanna cause any psychoballisticness! lol!
  9. by   tiger
    Originally posted by l.rae
    l would agree with this if loosing dgtr's trust was worst case scenario......the truth is, you might be saving a young girls life! life....priorities here PLEASE!....
    sorry but my highest priority would be my daughter. what if later down the line she is in a similar situation but doesn't trust "mom" enough to go to her about it. then she makes a bad choice. hmmmmmm. maybe i'm wrong but....
  10. by   nurs4kids
    If I were the mom, I'd want to know, BUT not all do really want to know...

    Don't betray your daughter..you may loose your daughter while trying to save someone else's.
  11. by   hoolahan
    Thanks guys. I think I won't say anything, but I really like the hypothetical approach. Only problem is, my dtr hasn't wanted to "hang" with this girl anymore b/c her boyfriend is so evil, and here friend is acting like a Ho. Kris may have some crazy ideas at times, but she seems to value who she shares herself with. She told me, about his one really nice boy she had over here, He's the kind of guy I would want to have my first kiss with. (And mom is doing a happy dance, wooo-hoo, no kisses yet, nothing else yet either!) So, you are right, don't want to compromise my dtr's trust.
  12. by   Jenny P
    Hoolahan, ask your daughter what she wants you to do with this information. My daughter used to tell me privledged information like that too when she had no idea what she should do in certain situations like this. Sometimes I'd talk to the girl straight out ("My dtr. said that you were...."); and there would be this big look of either terror or relief (depending on the girl and situation) flood across their faces. Sometimes my dtr. wanted me to talk to the Mom, sometimes she wanted me to "be a nurse" and give an anatomy or physiology lesson on the spot.

    I guess that in my experience I have found that the other girl told my dtr. in order to solve a problem that the other girl was having.

    And BTW, don't think we are the "perfect" mother daughter duo either! She is home from college this w/e and making life MISERABLE for everyone by b******* at all of us! LOL! We love her anyway, but I'm ready to sell her on a street corner again (that's a humorous statement that an ER doc once told us when she was 8 months old-- "there is nothing wrong with your daughter; you will just HAVE to learn how to sell this child on a street corner every so often"-- she was born with PMS!).
  13. by   Love-A-Nurse
    "hoolahan, ask your daughter what she wants you to do with this information."


    jenny, i agree and or also let your daughter know that sometimes a parent does what best for the "whole" and although it seems like the trust is being betrayed, it may be worth it if it helps her friend.

    it all depends on the parent. how will she accept hearing it, yet, she may already be aware of it too.

    yes, i would want to know.
  14. by   live4today
    My three daughters would always bring home the "wayward" teens they hung out with when they thought those teens needed a good talking to. They would say to me, "Mom...this is so and so, and they need you to talk to them." And so we'd talk. I have pics of some of those kids they brought home to talk to me. I sure hope they are living life easy and joyously today.

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