Naughty talk at work

  1. Im a male nurse who works in a female majority work place . The women who I work with,CNAs,RNS,PNS,WARDCLERKS,seem to forget Im in their presence,whether its in the break room or on the unit,as they talk about their sex lives when Im within earshot. They talk about their sexual practices, from oral to anal,they talk about what they did the night before, how the bigger the better,they talk about their affairs and talk and talk about all types of topics of a sexual nature.

    As a male ,in a predominately female environmet,Im always emabarrased and uncomfortable when I have to listen to their sex talk and I cant remove myself from the situation,as my job requires me to be in certain places where this sex talk is taking place.
    .
    Can anyone out there in nursing,whether male or female,give me some advice on handle these conversations? because they really make me uncomfortable.

    I also wonder if the situation was reversed,and it was a female minority in a male majority,that was subjected to male sex talk, if perhaps there might not be a sextual harrassment complaint filed by a female and the institution creates a P and P forbidding sex conversation at the work place.
    What do you all think?
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  2. 30 Comments

  3. by   kewlnurse
    WOW a guy embaressed about sex talk. Thats a first for me. Why don't you just come right out and tell them you would ather not have to listen to them talk about their sex lives and if they could reframe from such whilst your in their presence. Personally I don't see a problem with it, but hey thats me. You can bet that if the situatiom were reversed there would be a law suit involved.
  4. by   semstr
    They talk about the bigger the better............ strange!
    You're sure their talking about sex?
    Tell you something, they probably talked about their pots and pans, 'cause real women know that size is not the most important thing.

    Ever considerd, they do this to make you jealous? or get you to post on this BB with this "problem"?

    Take care and don't listen to all they say, Renee
  5. by   night owl
    Personally I think what goes on behind your bedroom door should stay there and shouldn't be brought out into the public, but hey that's just me. If it bothers you that much, then I would tell them to knock it off b/c it makes you feel uncomfortable. Simple. If they don't stop even after you politely asked them to, then I'd file a grievence. I think it's called secondary sexual harrassment. I'm with you Kewl...You know darn well if a bunch of guys were talkin, the women would be filing a lawsuit. You've got to tell them to stop or they'll think you're enjoying this. I mean how professional is this kind of conduct???
  6. by   prmenrs
    I agree w/night owl--just tell them. "I'm sorry, but I'm just the shy type--this embarrasses me!" Unfortunately, you may get some teasing on this, just stick to your guns--use the word "inappropriate"--I just think it's inappropriate to discuss this at work--what if a patient overheard us."

    Good Luck! If worst comes to worst, you ARE being sexually harrassed because this is "non-consensual", so if necessary, take it up w/a supervisor.
  7. by   Sundowner
    I am betting a million that yes if it was a woman in a mill...she wouldnt have to put up with listening to the guys!!! No doubt!

    I always say,, If you cant beat them join them.....I am sure you can think of something disgusting to say that will shut all the gals up and keep them redfaced for days!!!
  8. by   live4today
    OHBET, what you are experiencing is exactly what women have HAD to put up with for hundreds of years, and there wasn't a dang thing they could do about it....UNTIL sexual harassment laws were implemented to protect woman from sexual harassment in the work place. To have a man complain about sexual harrassment of the type you are describing is a "real switch".

    Nonetheless, in light of our sexual harassment laws today, neither male nor female has to put up with behavior such as you describe. First, try letting your fellow nurses know how their sexually explicit conversations offend and embarrass you. Ask them to agree not to discuss such topics in your presence. Acknowledge that now you know what sexual harassment was for them at one time (and still in some cases today), but would they please respect your right not to be exposed to their sexual histories in the manner in which they discuss them.

    Had I been allowed to file suit against the men who sexually harassed me on my jobs prior to the sexual harassment laws being enacted, I wouldn't have a care in the world when it comes to financial assets today. Let a man harass me today, and see if I don't collect!
  9. by   e-nurse
    I would not file a greivance over this if you offered me a million dollars! You think it's bad listening to a little sex talk now? File a greivance and you'd be wishing it was sex talk you were listening too. Instead it would be laughter and ridicule and lots of it! It is such a double standard though. Initially maybe you would see some support, but female nurses are in such a majority that eventually they would want to tear you apart for filing such a greivance. It just seems to me that that would be the kind of thing that would follow you around everywhere you went in you career. It's better to just keep quiet and let the ladies rule the roost, their always going to anyways.
  10. by   NurseDennie
    I disagree with e-nurse and agree with the other posters who said that you should tell your coworkers that their sex talk makes you uncomfortable. And I agree that using the word "inappropriate" will make them take your comment more seriously.

    I don't think that anybody should have to work where he or she feels uncomfortable. I also think that if you try to out-talk them that YOU might be seen as the problem. I wouldn't try it!!

    My hope is that you can mention to your coworkers in a friendly but obviously serious way that you would very much appreciate them keeping it less personal in conversation, that they therefore understand how you feel and immediately make the change, AND tell the rest of the coworkers how you feel so you only have to have the conversation once. An apology would be nice, as well.

    Love

    Dennie
  11. by   kewlnurse
    I'm with e-nurse on this one, Do NOT under any cirsumstances file a lawsuit, you will be ruined both profesionally and personally. The media would find out about it and dive on it like fly on poop. Personally i think all the lawsuits are BS, if there is no physical contact or threat of physical contact, than it's not harassment. Let me pose this questin to the ladies, or guys if you feel you must,: A unattractive obese man makes a comment about sex to you is that harassemnt? You're out at a night club on the dance floor and do some heavy grinding with an attractive buff young guy, is that harassment? If the comments are reapeated after you asked the person to back off than maybe, just maybe i'll give ya that, but a one time deal no way. Having been on the wrong end of an accusation i can tell you, (sorry con't get into details, don't ask) a lot of what is said can be misinturprited and taken out of text.
    Last edit by kewlnurse on Feb 19, '02
  12. by   prmenrs
    e-nurse--that's EXACTLY what the men in offices, factories and other male-dominated work settings to women who complained about sexual harrassment, and EXACTLY what prompted the laws to be enacted. The laws are there to protect men and women both.

    I'll bet ohbet has at least one co-worker that he has a better working relationship with--if you talk to that nurse quietly and privately, you may be able to accomplish what you want without a big to-do. Plan B would be the I'm embarrassed and this is inappropriate strategy, and plan C would be go to the supervisor.

    Just in case this gets out of hand, and you find yourself harrassed more, or penalized in ANY way, keep a little diary of who you talked to, what was said, and what the result was. Dates and times as well.

    Nurse Dennie stated that you have a right to a work environment in which you feel comfortable. She is absolutely right!!!

    Let us know how things work out--we're behind you 100%

    Sandi
  13. by   mario_ragucci
    How can words make you feel uncomfortable? Unless they were talking about murdering somebody, just think about something else, or, get in the conversation and tell them to keep their sodomy to themselves. Call'em a sewer mouth. You shouldn't get uncomfortable with it. I know what your talking about, though. Sound off to them. Tell them to give you a break.
  14. by   canoehead
    I think you have a right to ask for what makes you more comfortable on the job but I personally would be offended if you went to a supervisor, or to talk with coworkers without speaking to me first if I was doing something to offend you.

    They can't know you're uncomfortable unless you tell them.

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