My Mammogram.......HORRORS!!!!

  1. my mammogram
    appointment. I was met with, "Hi, I'm Belinda!" This perky clipboard
    carrier smiled from ear to ear, tilted her head to one side and
    crooned, "All I need you to do is step into this room here, strip to
    the waist, then slip on this gown. Everything clear?" I'm thinking,
    "Belinda ... try decaf. This ain't rocket science." Belinda skipped
    away to prepare the chamber of horrors. Call me crazy, but I suspect a
    man invented this machine. It takes a perfectly healthy cup size of
    36-B to a size 36-B-LONG in less than 60 seconds. Also, girls aren't
    made of sugar and spice and everything nice...we're not Spandex. We
    can't be stretched, pulled and twisted over a cold 4-inch piece of
    square glass and still pop back into shape. With the right side
    finished, Belinda flipped me (literally) to the left and said, "Hmmmm.
    Can you stand on your tippy toes and lean in a tad so we can get
    everything?" "Fine," I answered. I was freezing, bruised and out of
    air, so why not use the remaining circulation in my legs and neck and
    finish me off? My body was in a holding pattern that defied gravity
    (with my other boob wedged between those two 4" pieces of square glass)
    when we heard, then felt, a zap! Complete darkness and the power went
    off! "What?" I yelled. "Oh, maintenance is working. Bet they hit a
    snag." Belinda headed for the door. "Excuse me! You're not leaving me
    in this vise alone, are you?" I shouted. Belinda kept going and said,
    "Oh, you fussy puppy...the door's wide open so you'll have the
    emergency hall lights. I'll be right back." Before I could shout,
    NOOOO!" she disappeared. And that's exactly how Bubba and Earl, the
    maintenance men extraordinaire, found me, half-naked and part of me
    dangling from the Jaws of Life and the other part smashed between
    glass! After exchanging polite "Hi, how's it going" type greetings,
    Bubba (or possibly Earl) asked, to my utter disbelief, if I knew the
    power was off. Trying to disguise my hysteria I replied with as much
    calmness as possible. "Uh, yes...yes I did, thanks." "You bet, take
    care," Bubba replied and waved good-bye as though I'd been standing in
    the line at the grocery store. Two hours later, Belinda breezes in
    wearing a sheepish grin and making no attempt to suppress her
    amusement, she said, "Oh I am soooo sorry! The power came back on and I
    totally forgot about you! And silly me, I went to lunch. Are we upset?"
    "And that, Your Honor, is exactly how Belinda's head ended up between the
    clamps."
    Last edit by FranEMTnurse on Feb 8, '05
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  2. 31 Comments

  3. by   DDRN4me
    :uhoh21: Fran, I dont know whether to laugh, cry or be horrified!!!!!! no wonder i never like to go for my mammogram appts..(38D fibrocystic in a torture device!!) Someone should put her in there!!!
  4. by   CHATSDALE
    That sort of thing usually happens to me...if you hear laughter i will deny it came from me
    wonder what bubba and earl talked about at supper
    'I WILL NEVER GO FOR A PROSTATE EXAM AT THAT HOSPITAL'
    Last edit by CHATSDALE on Feb 8, '05
  5. by   unknown99
    Here is a little revenge for those men who obviously thought of how to do a mammogram...
    go to humordaily.com and look for manogram.
  6. by   jnette
    Equally horrifying is when you're undressed and ready, the nurse takes one look at you, breaks out into a ear-splitting cackle, tells you to go back in the cubicle and dress... because there's simply "NO WAY... we have to have SOMETHING to work with. " :stone :stone
  7. by   FranEMTnurse
    Quote from mgallant
    :uhoh21: Fran, I dont know whether to laugh, cry or be horrified!!!!!! no wonder i never like to go for my mammogram appts..(38D fibrocystic in a torture device!!) Someone should put her in there!!!
    Do laugh please. This didn't really happen to me. It was something I got in my email.
  8. by   leslie :-D
    Quote from jnette
    Equally horrifying is when you're undressed and ready, the nurse takes one look at you, breaks out into a ear-splitting cackle, tells you to go back in the cubicle and dress... because there's simply "NO WAY... we have to have SOMETHING to work with. " :stone :stone
    so what does that mean? you can't get a mammogram???
  9. by   FranEMTnurse
    Quote from earle58
    so what does that mean? you can't get a mammogram???
    this was supposed to be a joke, leslie. i want it locked. it's giving people the wrong impression. i did have a mammogram today, and they did have to make modifications, but there were 2 nurses and 1 technician helping me.
  10. by   prmenrs
    I can lock it or we can make it a "mammogram horror story" thread. Just keep it PG [13?]!
  11. by   DutchgirlRN
    40-EE fibrocystic breasts. Ouch ! But I don't mind the mammogram one bit. Every year that it comes back normal I love it more and more. Try having a ductogram because your mammogram was abnormal. Now there's something to complain about! Sorry, just a touchy subject with me.
  12. by   FranEMTnurse
    Quote from prmenrs
    I can lock it or we can make it a "mammogram horror story" thread. Just keep it PG [13?]!
    If you think it's okay, Sandra. I just don't want anyone thinking I really did do something to someone, nor that they (Well, I was greatly pinched, but not to that effect) intentionally injured me.
  13. by   FranEMTnurse
    Quote from jnette
    Equally horrifying is when you're undressed and ready, the nurse takes one look at you, breaks out into a ear-splitting cackle, tells you to go back in the cubicle and dress... because there's simply "NO WAY... we have to have SOMETHING to work with. " :stone :stone
    I'd much rather be like you, Jnette. My grandmother was, and I used to be before I became pregnant. The dang things get in the way and are pinched by many more things than a mammy machine. I got pinched with wood when I was carrying it in. Now that really was an owie.
  14. by   Roy Fokker
    I hope Steph doesn't catch me reading this thread...:behindpc:

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