My husband says I am making my son too soft.

  1. Let me explain. My oldest son just turned 10 years old. He is such a great kid. He's really smart, considerate, unselfish, and loving. He is also going through that stage when he doesn't want to be with me all of the time. He is really showing his independence. Of course, I am dreading these changes so any chance that he gives me to "mommy him", I jump at. Well, he tested for his next belt in karate last week and he had to spar a black belt. I didn't go because I have a serious problem watching some kid hit my child. When he came home, he had a swollen lip. Apparently, the black belt kicked him in the mouth and busted his lip. I remained calm but I did do the inspection and gave him a hug. After I was assured that he was ok, he went off to his room. My husband told me that I have to stop doing that because our son needs to toughen up. I'm his mom. How else was I supposed to handle it? He's lucky I didn't go and watch the testing because I would have had a hard time staying in my seat.

    I don't agree with my husband but what do you think.?
  2. 40 Comments

  3. by   hypnotic_nurse
    I think you did exactly the right thing. That's what moms are all about -- teaching and modelling empathy, kindness and caring.

    He will be plenty tough enough when the testosterone hits at puberty.
  4. by   jnette
    Sorry, but I don't agree with the hubster, either. :stone

    It would have been different had you swooned, cradled, and carried on... but inspecting the damage is what any good mother would do, and the hug after that is a loving, caring gesture. NOT babying... there IS a difference.

    Your little man went to bed that night knowing his mother cared about his injury, and cared about him as a young man.

    Would that ALL children knew that their parents cared about them.

    Kudos to you. You're a loving and caring Mom.

    And at ten, these little guys are still extremely affectionate... heck, my son STILL loves (at 23, mind you) for me to stroke his hair while he sprawls his 6'5 body out on the couch to watch TV... and when he stays over, he'll still grin sheepishly and say... "Uh, Mom... aren't ya gonna tuck me in?"

    And I know that part of him really means it.
    Last edit by jnette on Jul 13, '04
  5. by   kids
    I agree with hypnotic nurse & jnette.
    I have 2 very "manly" boys 19 & 21 that I raised almost alone...that is EXACTLY how I would have handled it.
  6. by   smk1
    i only have a 3 yr old little girl, but i can't imagine not checking out a busted lip and giveing comfort to a child ore person that matter of any age. (ecspecially knowing that the injury happened because they were kicked in the mouth!) You did the right thing, his lip could have needed stitches, a tooth could have been damaged. etc... You are a caring mom and thats what every child needs.
  7. by   Deb123j
    I agree completely!!!

    I have a 12 yr old boy - guess who crawls in bed with Mom when he has a scary dream!!! Don't ya just love cuddling up with them??? Don't get to do it much anymore - he's always in his room (which looks like a tornado hit it!)
  8. by   alexillytom
    Thank you ladies. I didn't think I handled it incorrectly. My husband seems to think, since my son didn't cry when it happened, I should have just ignored it. I told him there was no way in the world I could ignore it. My son came to me and told me about it so he obviously was looking for some kind of reassurance or comfort. I told him that I would just continue doing whatever it is my instinct tells me my children need. He was kind of miffed but he'll get over it. If not, I'll just tell HIS mother on him.
  9. by   Nurse Ratched
    I don't have kids, but my Mom would do the same thing .

    And when I go home (32 years old) Mom still tucks me in, too .
  10. by   jnette
    Quote from alexillytom
    I told him that I would just continue doing whatever it is my instinct tells me my children need. He was kind of miffed but he'll get over it. If not, I'll just tell HIS mother on him.

    Bwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahahahahaha !!!

    THERE ya go !!! That'll fix him !!! :chuckle GOOD one ! Whoooooot !
  11. by   DC2RN
    What a lucky boy that he gets a loving mother and father. You did the right thing! You acted like his Mother!!
  12. by   alexillytom
    Quote from DC2RN
    What a lucky boy that he gets a loving mother and father. You did the right thing! You acted like his Mother!!
    Thank you.
  13. by   JUSTYSMOM
    I definetly think it is a male thing. A few weeks ago, my 5 year old son got hurt when he was messing around on my friend's treadmill (don't ask- he was being naughty- long story) anyway, when he was standing on the treadmill, his little buddy turned it on! He ended falling and got 2 large burns. One was across his chest and one on his knee.

    Of course, he was screaming his head off. "It's burning!!!", "OWWWWWWW!"
    "OWWWWWW!!!!" "MOMMY" "MOMMY" "MOMMY" I immediately found some bacitracin creme and tried to lather it on. He would not let me. Then I tried to put him in a cool bath & give him baby aspirin. NOPE! He wouldn't stop screaming & crying.

    My husband ran out to find some burn relief creme. All of a sudden, my friend's husband Joe, (of all people) told me to get out of the bathroom. He was going to handle my son. He literally pushed me out. Outside the door, I hear him tell my little 5 year old in a very stern voice: "STOP crying- Be a MAN!" "Your a big boy!" "Big boys don't cry!" "CALM down!",etc, etc.

    Wouldn't you know it- my son stopped crying. He even allowed him to put the bacetracin creme on. When he would start to cry, Joe would give him a look. Son of a gun! Maybe these guys know what their talking about? Every time I would start to cuddle him, hug him, hold him etc, he would start to get hysterical again.

    Now of course, my husband feels he is justified when he tells me to stop coddling him when he is hurt. It sounds so stupid! I hate to admit this- but darn it works!
  14. by   leslie :-D
    what is it with these overgrown boys of ours (the dh's)....yes, as heartbreaking as it is, your boys will try and assert their independence. i'm struggling with my 11 yo baby doing this now.

    and it breaks my heart when i see my little guy trying to be tough, i.e., trying hard not to cry.....i just bring him somewhere private and that's where he still lets his tears stream and i stroke his hurts away....

    then when i hear dh complain about his back, i screech at him "take it like a man and shuddup already"....

    you were SO appropriate in your response to your son. dang, these guys.