Quote from LoriAlabamaRN
I had briefly posted about this situation under the Prayer thread, but I wanted to seek some opinions on what I should do.
My sister is a prescription drug addict. She has a five year old son who I love more than I ever thought I could. He and I are very close... well, were very close. I refused to get prescription drugs in my name for her, tried to get her to seek counseling, and we had a HUGE fight. This led to her calling my work and making visious accusations to my DON (at my last job, but that isn't why I left) that I had a felony record (I don't.) and that I myself am a drug addict (I'm not, and paid for a drug test myself to refute the claims.) Then she did the worst imaginable... in April she told my nephew that I had died in a car accident, and delighted in telling me how much he cried. He still thinks I am dead. The rest of my family, not knowing how to handle the situation and unwilling to go against my sister for fear of getting cut off from my nephew (the only grandchild)have refused to disuss the matter. . I don't know what to do. If I contact him, and he finds his momma lied to him, what is that going to do to him? And how traumatic will it be to see that I am not dead? How confusing for such a poor little guy? I don't know what to do. I want to be in his life so badly, but I don't want to traumatize him. Should I just wait until he is older and can understand? Just watch from afar as he grows up? I don't know what to do. I kept hoping she'd fix it but she hasn't, and it's breaking my heart. I didn't find out she had done this until six weeks after it happened (we weren't talking after the fight.) Now I'm afraid it's too late.
You're asking for opinions, and I usually don't give them unless asked, so here's mine. I apologize in advance if I hurt your feelings--I don't mean to be mean.
Your sister has a problem. She's not alone in this, she also has a son to think about. He's 5 now but soon he's going to figure out his mom is a liar, a drug addict, and probably a few other things. I think at any age he finds out about you not being dead is going to confuse him. I have not been in your situation but I would tell him. Preferably after the holidays, you don't want him associating Christmas with this news. He needs to know that you are there for him no matter what. If his mom scares him at midnight, he needs to know that you'll pick him up or just talk to him on the phone. I think everyone needs to stop being scared of her. Have you ever watched "Intervention" on A&E on Sun. nights? Excellent program. Not saying you need to go on the show but maybe do your own family intervention with a therapist. Your sister cannot continue living her life this way. She has no business raising a child. Have you considered calling child services? She may not be abusing him BUT he's not safe in her care when she's high on painkillers. Where is she getting these drugs? Has she tried any other drugs? Is there anything like abuse, molestation that started the abuse? What is she running away from? I don't know about aunts, but I know that there is court precedence concerning grandparent visitation. I think sooner rather than later to tell your nephew. It'll probably make him more angry as more time goes by. Also, monkey see monkey do. You don't want him following in his mother's footsteps. How do your parents feel about this? Have they given up or are they upset also? Also, she's not going to fix this situation. Addicts enjoy hurting people. Please, stop letting her hurt you.
You might try posting this is under rehab. Maybe they can give you better insight into what she's thinking. I will definitely be thinking and praying for you extra hard.
Good luck, Lori and keep us posted