My daughters are being threatened

  1. A couple of girls at my daughters' school have been threatening them. Nothing very specific (well, except for one I.M. message that said YOU'RE GONNA DIE from an unidentified person). They've informed a school counselor. The counselor talked to the girls involved who said everything was "ok."

    Well, these two girls also go to a Kickbox Aerobics class that my daughters attend. Tonight these girls brought FOUR boys with them to class!! Four 14-year-old boys in an attempt to intimidate my girls!! These boys signed up for the 'free class' (first class is free then you can sign up). They goofed off and the two girls kept turning around and laughing at my girls during the class while these boys were goofing off.

    The really stupid thing about this all?? The class is at a Karate school. Where my husband is a black belt. Where the instructor is an international champion black belt and my husband's personal instructor. Of course, they can't really DO anything against 14-year-old boys but GEEZ!!! One of these kids kept giving my husband "the eye" during class. My husband just smiled at him the whole time. That kid eventually got thrown out of class for goofing off.

    I HATE THIS!!! I don't know whether I should worry or just blow it off as stupid kids. Middle school is a terrible time. Girls are just plain MEAN in middle school. Making a big deal of it could just make things worse. Not doing anything if it is really serious could have terrible implications. I'm so torn.

    The school is aware so I guess that's all I can do at this point. My girls aren't allowed on Instant Messenger anymore so they can't communicate with these kids except at school...where I can only hope and pray they are protected.
  2. Visit Zee_RN profile page

    About Zee_RN

    Joined: Oct '00; Posts: 1,664; Likes: 176
    RN, Inpatient Hospice; from US
    Specialty: 17 year(s) of experience in Hospice, Critical Care


  3. by   CountrifiedRN
    Zee, I'm so sorry to hear what your daughters are going through! I have a daughter in middle school too and yes, the kids can be very mean. I can understand why you're torn, but I think with the level of intimidation that these girls are trying, it would probably be wise to get involved. When kids are bullying together, and they are getting other kids involved, I think it gives them more courage to take it farther than it should go.

    Have you tried talking to the parents? That might or might not help.

    One thing that I think I would try if I was in that situation would be to let the girls talk on the IM or through email, but only when supervised. If any threats or taunts come through, save them to a disk or print them out so you have proof. Middle school bullys are not that smart, and they will probably think they are being so cool by using the internet, but you can use that to your advantage.

    At my kids schools, there is a zero tolerance for bullying and threats. I would be sure the principal is informed of what is going on, and if it doesn't get better, go to the superintendant.

    I hope things get better for your girls. :kiss
  4. by   Zee_RN
    We did print out the instant messages. What I should have done at that time was report it as abuse to AOL who would have shut off their service for a week. Unfortunately, I didn't think of it right away. Now, I just don't allow them on.
  5. by   kristi915
    If I was in the situation, I would take it to the police. Teach the girls a lesson. Yea, they may say go cry to the cops, but atleast I'd have them on my side. If the situation gets worse, I'd also get a restraining order. The school shouldn't just be aware of it, they need to do something about it.

    Those girls need to learn a lesson. Cops are very good at stuff like this. Is the chat saved? You could show it to the police, school principle...whatever.

    Well, that's what I would do IF I was being threatened.
  6. by   Zee_RN
    We do have the chat saved. However, we don't officially know who the IM'er is. Which means my daughter broke one of my cardinal do not accept messages from someone you don't know!!! The IM'er knew my daughter but did not identify herself. So that's one of the reasons my daughters are no longer allowed on Instant Messenger.
  7. by   CountrifiedRN
    If you saved them, could you send a copy to AOL after the fact?
  8. by   aus nurse
    Oh Zee I feel for you and your family. You just want to wrap those precious kids in cotton wool when something like this happens don't you.

    I agree that this is more than just plain bullying. I agree with RN2b and kristi that you need to speak with the parents and the police. Even though you can't prove anything at this point, it will show the girls that you mean business and will not let it rest. Bullies do not stop until they are confronted, and yes they do sound stupid picking on a karate family, so who knows how far they will go.

    Good thoughts for a speedy resolution
  9. by   sunnygirl272
    even though you don't know who did the death threat, i would call the cops..let them handle this day and age...i would not blow off an anonymous "you're gonna die"....
  10. by   Q.
    Zee, how horrible! I agree, take it to the police. A death threat is just that - a death threat. Not to be morbid, but I'm sure those Colombine kids said something to that effect, and it happened. Besides, documentation is good for something like this. It establishes a pattern.

    Good luck and let us know how it works out, if you want. I'll pray your daughters remain safe.
  11. by   live4today
    ((((((Zee and family))))))) Take this as seriously as those kids are taking it, and protect your daughters. Do NOT rely on the schools to keep watch over those bullies or your daughters because "bullies" in schools are a dime a dozen......the teachers and staff wouldn't have time to teach if they had to babysit every child who is being threatened by another kid or kids in the school. They care......but, like nursing.....the man power isn't there.

    Call the police, and report what has happened for the safety of your daughters. I'll say a prayer for you all....and the bullies too. They must not be happy campers in their own homes. Mallrats maybe???

    Goodnight! :kiss
  12. by   Zohar
    One of my sisters and I went through years of this crap while I was in school, and it all came to a head in middle school. I ended up being in 4 fights in 3 months before our parents decided to pull us out and homeschool us. Best thing I ever did. Grades went up, SAT's went up, stress went down. Same thing for my sister, too. She's now working on a Master's in Public Administration.

    Btw, I won every fight, without throwing a first punch. All the boxing I did in Scouts helped out a lot.
  13. by   hoolahan
    {{{{{Zee}}}}}} Middle school is the pits!! MY dtr is 13 so I know what you are going through.

    Our school has a zero tolerance policy for violence. In the HS, my son got detention for tossing a pencil to a friend to use, considered a threatening action by the teacher.

    I had a similar situation w a scary boy sending my dtr an e-mail death threat. My dtr printed it out, showed me, I went to the school, and they said that even tho it didn't happen in school, they would address it w the kids parents and authorities. WE didn't have any more problems, and about 3 weeks later, the kid was suspended and sent to juvie. He is back this year, already starting trouble, so it won't be long before he is out of there again, I'm sure.

    I would call aol, they should be able to trace the sender. Don't tell me in this age of technology they can't! Call them. I don't understand tho wasn't there a screen name from the sender?? Is it possible to block that? I don't have aol, so I don't know much about the ways of it. I got rid of it b/c it was too easy for kids to manipulate and get so much spam!!

    I agree that in this day and age, a death threat should be taken seriously, serious enough to go to the police.

    Funny, but before I read your whole post I was going to say, "Enroll them in Karate, and give them permission to take someone out who touches them!" But, I see you have that licked!

    Let us know what happens Zee!
  14. by   Love-A-Nurse
    zee, sorry to hear of this. please let us know how it goes.