My bad boys!

  1. Ok, the situation is this.
    Both my sons (ages 10 and 12) have been lying. They have lost priveledges and been put on restriction and I have heard "you can trust me" at least one too many times.
    They arent big lies but they are lies none the less. An example, My 10 year old says he ate dinner can he have a popsicle. Robin asks "what did you eat?" "Salmon, brocoli and rice" is the reply. She looks at his plate and just sees evidence of a little salmon and asks, "What about the brocoli and rice?" "I didn't want any." Little lies, but still lies and frequent ones too.
    This morning I find out (from big sister, the rat) that they were jumping off the roof onto the trampoline! YIKES!
    I ask them if it's true and they deny it. Then they fess up..."only once Dad". :angryfire
    I tell them enough is enough!
    They are slacking on their chores, lying to us and now they have lost it all!
    I'm right now in the process of taking EVERYTHING away from them.
    I have taken their beds apart. Taken the tv out of their room. All toys...GONE. They will have nothing in their room but pillows and thier sleeping bags and a weeks worth of clothes.
    They can earn their stuff back.
    I'll set up a system where it's possible for them to get it all back in a month if they toe the line.
    But if even ONE of them tell even the littlest fib then they both lose it all again.
    It should be interesting when they get home from school today.
    ARRGH! Don't push Dad too far.
    -Russell
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  2. 61 Comments

  3. by   nurseunderwater
    my boys are 6, almost 3 and 1........................ugh, thanks for a glmpse into my future, oh holder of the chrystal ball...

    sorry things are rough.........sounds like you've got a good strategy though, I'll put it in my pocket for when I need it. Which may be sooner than I think!
  4. by   Energizer Bunny
    Russell...I am almost to that point myself with the four and two year old. I think it is great what you are doing, though you'll probably get some flak on the boards for it. Keep at it.!!! I think you are a great dad!!!!
  5. by   Marie_LPN, RN
    Quote from Rustyhammer
    They are slacking on their chores, lying to us and now they have lost it all!
    I'm right now in the process of taking EVERYTHING away from them.
    I have taken their beds apart. Taken the tv out of their room. All toys...GONE. They will have nothing in their room but pillows and thier sleeping bags and a weeks worth of clothes.
    They can earn their stuff back.
    I'll set up a system where it's possible for them to get it all back in a month if they toe the line.
    But if even ONE of them tell even the littlest fib then they both lose it all again.
    It should be interesting when they get home from school today.
    ARRGH! Don't push Dad too far.
    -Russell

    Sounds like a great plan to me. <thumbs up>
  6. by   dianah
    No flak coming from this corner, just thunderous applause!
    You've identified the problem, made a plan and are sticking to it, following through. Being consistant is the hardest thing for me, as a parent; it sounds like you WILL be consistant.
    You're setting the limits and telling them you mean business - good for you. Sometimes you have to really jolt them to get the message across.
    Keep us informed of progress.
  7. by   Rustyhammer
    Man, they have a lot of sh....stuff!
    -R
  8. by   NDivine
    Russell,

    What I can recall from my sons at that age and what I read from the "experts"
    that sounds normal for the age group. Also, want to point out that it seems you are giving them exactly what they need, and are asking for. One of the things missing in our childrens rearing these days, are the setting of boundaries, and those things that are acceptable, and those things that are not. Your sons are asking for these boundaries to be set, this is normal. It also sound like they can "trust you" to do that. It is when they are not set that kids get on the wrong track, taking it to the limit, until the boundaries are set, if not by us then the law. I am no expert here, other than have raised three into adulthood. And have done some reading for guidance along the way.

    On another note, you might find this hard to believe, but one day you will miss this interaction with you sons . What I wouldn't give for one day to have my children 13 and under.

    Keep up the good work dad.
  9. by   nurseunderwater
    makes you wonder, who will be the "survivor" :chuckle
  10. by   mattsmom81
    Get ready all you nurses with youngun's...I remember those preteen and teen years and they are what grey our hair...LOL!

    To this day my kids can't lie to me...they know I'm on to 'em. As they get older they can understand the 'white lie' concept, but its important that they not lie to themselves or to people who care about them...not about important issues, not to direct questions from Mom and Dad either.
  11. by   Tweety
    Good luck Rusty. They'll get the point, but you gotta set those boundaries.
  12. by   Dialyzin' Dar
    I don't know... I think taking the beds apart is a little excessive! The other things I agree with, but not the beds. I don't think sleeping on a bed is a 'privilege'-- it's something parents provide like clothes and shelter. I'd hope the kids wouldn't open their mouths to someone at school, because you might have problems with DSS over the beds.
  13. by   Rustyhammer
    I don't care who they tell.
    We don't have a "DSS" in our community (shoot, we don't even have a cop yet).
    They will continue to have food, shelter and clothing. And hopefully they will earn their "luxuries" back soon. It's really all up to them.
    I worked a 12 last night. 6p-6a. It's 11:36 now and I'm fading fast. I'm almost done though. Most everything is on the back deck. I'll have them move it out to the barn after school.
    -Russell
  14. by   chris_at_lucas_RN
    I agree that limits are important (different from boundaries!.....)

    If you really want to see them change, add spending more time with you to the list of consequences. Take them everywhere, involve them in everything.

    When I was having these problems with my son, it tended to be when I was distracted and not spending much time with him. The more we did together--even if it was "punishment," the more we eventually talked, and grew to appreciate one another a bit more.

    Also, because he had to be and do with me, the kid learned how to frame and rock, tape and bed, how to operate the lawnmower, how to wash the car. Soon he was developing more pride in his accomplishments (and I had less work I had to do!), and maybe because he felt a little better about himself, he was a bit more honest and upfront.

    Another help was eating meals together. If you saw him eat his supper, you'd have known.... and he wouldn't have taken the chance to try to get away with something!

    Have fun--I miss those days. My kid is now 29 and in the Middle East. He turned out terrific, BTW. Don't give up!

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