MRS. (husband's first name) Jones

  1. Hi to all you mrs and mr,

    last night we visited a few american friends of ours and the topic of the name after marrying came up.

    My question was, why is it, when we get invitations, that I am called mrs. Michael Jones (Jones is not my real name of course), why not mrs. Renee Jones.

    I din't get a real answer, but one of the men was quite pissed off, as I said that I think this is a not political correct adressing of women. Boy, he was really mad at me and called me one-of-those-womeniberators-still-running-around-who-don't- know-what-to-do-with-their-time.

    (I admit he had a few beers and a few "shots" of Tequilla, but still..........)

    His wife didn't say a thing, just sat there being (really!!) beautiful and also, the other 2 women couldn't or wouldn't really answer my question.

    The other guys just said, that's the way it was always done and always will be done.

    Now that is an argument for me

    I didn't want to get into more discussion with this angry ex-marine (he is huge you know, his neck is so thick I could never get my hands around it, even if I tried )

    So the rest of the evening was pretty cool and we were at home hours earlier as aspected.

    So can you give me an answer? Is this really still done everywhere? Or just on official invitations from government and so on?
    I really want to know, how you all feel about this!!

    Thanks, take care, Renee

    PS: Tracy, one of you 2, could it be I have met a real redneck last night?
  2. 13 Comments

  3. by   babynurselsa
    LMAO. I think it is just old old cusstom back from our mysoginistic past. (did I spell that correctly???)
    You know from the days gone by when women were merely chattel. lol. It is probably ok as long as no one was wearing white shoes. It is well after Labor Day you know.
    As far as if he was a redneck, depends, did he then crush a beer can on his forehead to prove his virility to you and the other females???
  4. by   ClariceS
    As a newlywed (4.5 months), I think I have the answer. All of the bridal etiquette books on correct addressing of wedding invitations say to address Mr. and Mrs. Michael Jones or Mrs. Michael Jones if she is a widow. A couple of the newer etiquette guide books did have suggestions to address it as Ms. Janet Jones if she is single or divorced.

    One way is if she is a doctor and he isn't. Mr. Michael and Dr. Janet Jones.

    It is all based on old etiquette rules.
  5. by   WashYaHands
    (I admit he had a few beers and a few "shots" of Tequilla, but still..........)
    There's the trouble right there...never give an American a few Beers and tequilla shots and ask them a serious question.

  6. by   deespoohbear
    A lot of of our stuff comes addressed as "Mr. & Mrs. John Jones" especially stuff from older people. Never really bothered me I guess. Our friends usually address stuff to us as "John & Jane Jones". Guess it depends on what you grew up with. Every once in awhile, I will get a card or such addressed to "Mrs. John Jones". I know my husband does not consider me his "property". My husband considers me his partner and his best friend. So, I don't get too worked up about this stuff. A lot of people, esp. the elderly people consider it polite and respectful. I do feel odd though when one of my children's friends address me as "Mrs. Jones". Sounds strange to me, even after 13 years of being married!! Oh well. Guess their friends could be calling me a lot worse things!! LOL!
  7. by   nurs4kids
    Nah, renee',
    A REAL redneck would be clueless over this issue and would lack the intelligence to know this was debatable..
    redneck ettiquette says to address the wife simply "tha ole' woman" or if it's an ex "tha ole' hag". Besides, you can't pull a trailer across the ocean!

    It's my guess that you were taking to an older white man who is threatened by women's gain of independance??
  8. by   NurseDennie
    This doesn't really have anything to do with Mrs. John Whatever, but it reminded me and it's kinda funny.

    My daughter's best friends from as long ago as 1st grade (she's 18 now) are identical twins named Tobi and Abby. I mix their names up and called them sometimes Tabby and Obi, which makes me think of little Martian girls.

    Which isn't so bad, but their mom and dad are Tim and Kitty. Sometimes I get their names mixed up quite the same way... Kim and ... (blush) (and Duhhhhh)

  9. by   prmenrs
    My mother, 78 and widowed, gets REALLY, REALLY mad if someone sends her mail addressed to Mrs. [her first name] Doe--"I am not divorced!!! And she mutters about it for a while.

    I am single, and as an adoptive parent, I hate being called "Mrs" by my son's teachers. I've even taken my mother to parent-teacher meetings and introduced HER as the REAL Mrs--to no avail.

    Oh, well.

    Ergo, I think Clarice is right. It's just etiquette rules!
  10. by   Jenny P
    Yes, it is just old ettiquette rules, but I was taught that "Mrs. Jane Jones" was also how you addressed a widow!
    Prmenrs, it's funny, but even when I volunteered in the elementary school when my kids were little, I was called plain old "Jenny" by the kids after the first 2 weeks volunteering! If any mail comes to our house addressed to "Mrs. John Jones" (not our names), it always is junk mail!
  11. by   Cubby
  12. by   semstr
    Ok, thanks for the reactions.
    (couln't get into the forum for 2 long, frustrating days!!!!)

    No, he didn't crash a beercan, would have crashed my head if he had gotten close enough

    No, there was no trailer across the lawn in front of the bar

    and yes, well no, uhm, he is my age, so, quite young really

    I really liked that Kim and .itty
    (my father is called Wim and my youngest sister is called Kim, and their birthday is feb. 19, very practical, one card for the .im's, LOL)

    So traditions are still held high, on both sides of the ocean, some are different, but here they are!!

    Take care, Renee
  13. by   Enright
    I kept my own name when I got married. DH kept his as well. Our ethnicities are very different and I felt very strongly about my name. I sent a card out with my wedding announcements explaining this.

    It does help with telemarketers...If we get calls for Mrs. X, I know it isn't a close personal friend!
  14. by   azgirl
    I've always hated to be referred to as Mrs husbands name. I always insisted on having my name. I took his last name but wanted to keep my first one.