Mothers' day meltdown

  1. okay, my heart was broken on mother's day. Long story short, hubby out of town, spent Sat. with my mom and kids to celebrate with her as I was working Sunday night. The kids decided to sleep over her house.

    Well sunday, alone.. alone.. not even a phone call! Kids 10, 12, 16. Now I didn't even want GIFTS, just a home made card, a picture drawn, sappy poem...M is for ...

    hmmm. spent my 75 minute ride to work (mind you 5pm), trying not to cry.. trying to figure out what on earth I have messed up so terribly as a mom that I was snubbed by all three... They're old enough to know that even a phone call would hae been great.

    Well I came home from work this morning, (grandpa stayed overnight at home with them), so I thought maybe a note or a card would be on the table...NOTHING! But a messy house, after I had left it clean.

    So what do you do? They'll be home after school, I'll just be waking up, then off to work again... should I say that I'm sad, even mention it at all?

    I know you guys don't know me very well, but every one of my friends and family say that I'm such a great mom, with terrific kids without me asking for validation. They ARE GREAT kids, just don't understand it!

    doesn't this just bite the big one?....

    Would you say something if these kids were yours, and hurt your feelings like this? Aside from just crying again, I don't know what good would come of it.

    ...hurt and let down
    Last edit by heart queen on May 10, '04
  2. 14 Comments

  3. by   leslie :-D
    oh heart queen- that truly suks big time. i don't cry easily but hell yes, i would let my kids know in no uncertain terms that they let me down. i'm definitely not one for laying down guilt trips and a part of me says that if their hearts weren't into it then why should i obligate them? but for me, i would tell them once and only once that you were profoundly disappointed. i am so sure that it's absolutely no reflection on 14 yo gave me 2 bottles of johnson's baby lotion in a plastic bag the day before mother's day. she just said "here" and took off. my 2 boys, 13 & 11, would have never gone out if their dad didn't bring them personally, which he did on mother's day morning. do i take it personally (if dad didn't bring them out)? absolutely not. they're just thick as crap, that's all. but don't keep it to yourself- share your discontent with them. again, i'm so sorry that they made you cry.

  4. by   H ynnoD
    School reminded my kids mothers day was coming.They had to make things at school.If me or my kids would have forgotten Mothers day,my wife would have let us hear about it.Spend a day not doing anything for them and see how they like it.Show them how much your needed.
  5. by   traumaRUs
    Yes, I would have been hurt. I think your kids are old enough to know that (simply, and directly) that they hurt your feelings. My sons are now 18 and 23 and though they love me lots - they show it in many different ways - they hardly ever plan Mother's Day things (and last year forgot my birthday!). However, they spent the weekend helping move 3 tons of gravel from the front of the house to the back and my youngest son did the grass (1 acre of mowing and trimming) so that my husband didn't have to - he has BAD allergies and is totally miserable this time of year! So...I guess you count your blessings...have a nice day!
  6. by   nurseygrrl
    Kids can be so selfish sometimes that they don't even realize that they are hurting someone else. I would point it out to them. I would have been very hurt had that happened to me and I would definitely say something. Try telling them that you're there doing things for them 365 days a year and you only have one day to be appreciated. Tell them that they hurt your feelings.
  7. by   Repat
    Oh, I am sorry. Definitely tell them - we are here to teach. My husband does not give gifts, it is physically painful for him, and no outward affection. I feel the pressure greatly to teach my kids that this is not normal - it is fun to give gifts and to think of someone else's happiness every once in a while. I love my hand made cards - I am not talking about big financial outlays. It is the thought that counts, and we must teach our kids to think of others.
  8. by   OCCHCanada
    I would never be silent about this one. But I'm never one to keep that type of disappointment to my self.
    You truly deserved to be thanked, and it didn't need to be anything other than some kind words on a piece of paper or a quick phone call - let them know, they are all old enough to face the cold hard truth.
  9. by   Liddle Noodnik
    Quote from heart queen
    okay, my heart was broken on mother's day.
    Did they think they "had it covered" when they were with you Sat and you guys were celebrating?

    Mine (17) actually shocked the cr** out of me Sunday by wanting to spend time. He didn't get me anything but did "take me out to dinner" (I paid). Anyway, most mother's days he does nothing, unless his dad prompts him (we're not together). I'm just used to that and it's no biggie.

    Still, you WERE hurt and it would probably be good, when you are calm, to tell them how you felt.
  10. by   MandyInMS
    I was thinking like zoeboboey...they probably thought Saturday was the MothersDay celebration..working shift work my family has had many holidays on different days b/c of my schedule..still I understand your point..a CALL wouldn't have been that difficult...just talk to them when you calm down and explain your side (((hugzzzzzzz)))
  11. by   gypsyatheart
    I'm so sorry! I can imagine how hurt you are! I would be, too. Our kids mean everything to us, it shouldn't be so hard for them to spend some time with us or acknowledge what we do just one day out of the year. Sometimes I think it will be when they're grown up and have their own kids when they finally will "get it"!
    I would say something, point out that you weren't expecting a big fuss, but a simple "Happy Mother's Day" would've worked....
    ((((((((((Hugs)))))))))))) to you!
  12. by   jemb
    Since you celebrated the day before with your mother due to your working Sunday, they probably didn't give it another thought.

    I can understand your being disappointed if you had other expectations, but heartbroken?

    Regardless of their being 'old enough', your kids probably are not psychic. I doubt that they intended to hurt you. They probably were not aware of your expectations since you had celebrated the day before.

    You say you were alone all day Sunday until you went to work... Did you call your mother Sunday even though you had celebrated with her the day prior. If you did and your kids were there, why didn't you talk to them then? If you didn't, then your kids would have had reason to think it wasn't important to you. Just a thought...
    Last edit by jemb on May 10, '04
  13. by   Energizer Bunny
    (((heart queen)))) I completely understand sweetie. I've had a Mother's Day like that myself and spent the day crying. I feel for you, hun!
  14. by   heart queen
    thank you all, I was feeling a bit sorry for myself, then questioning if it was an intentional "stick it to me".

    I DID call my mom, the kids were out playing with the neighborhood kids. I know how easy it is to be caught up with kid stuff.

    When we celebrated on Saturday, it was for MY mom. Not even a mention of happy mom's day to me. Even toasted with the 16 yr. old "to us women".

    I ended up blowing it badly, woke up to a messy house and yes.. had a few tears of disapointment and told them I was hurt, feeling unappreciated and just SAD".

    Drove to work feeling like I layed a guilt trip (hate that guilt thing!)

    Why isn't there a book on parenting :chuckle It seems I really needed it this week with the husband gone, working, and a bit emotionally tweaked.

    Thank you for listening and giving GREAT advice, think I'll follow that "calm down first " bit next time :uhoh21:

    Love you guys