Mothers and Daughters Relationships...

  1. yesterday, i went to see sandra bullock's movie "the ya-ya sisterhood..." and loved it! there were some moments i wanted to scream; some moments made me want to cry, and some moments made me remember a laugh or two with me mum, but for the most part, the movie made me sad that my mom and i do not have the kind of relationship i yearn for. i'm so blessed to have a very close relationship with my own three daughters. having them makes my life most complete! :kiss

    how is your relationship with your mother? how do moms differ today than they did years ago in terms of having "friendships" with their now adult daughters? care to share?
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  2. 59 Comments

  3. by   fergus51
    My relationship with my mother can best be described as the good the bad and the ugly. She can make me soooooo mad, but I do know that no one in the world loves me more than her (that's probably why she drives me so crazy!). I think we have a good friendship now, although when I was a teenager I never thought we would get to this!

    I also have a good relationship with my birth mom, although it is definitely a friend relationship and not a mom one. She never had to put up with me as a bratty teenager though!
  4. by   Brownms46
    fergus51,

    I think my mom and I...mirrored your relationship with your mom. But just as our relationship was taking a turn toward real true friendship...like it was before I became a teenager......she died of a MI. I was angry...that she was taken away from me...just as I was beginning to understand...and truely cherish her! I always loved my mom...but we were waaay too much alike! When I grew up...I kind of lost it...for a while...after being the good daughter who always did as she was told. When I turned 18...no one could tell me anything! I thought I knew it all! Just before she died...we had started to enjoy being with each other...and I was totally devastated when she passed!

    Now my daughter and I have a wonderful relationship. She never went thru the rebellious years...and has always been the light of my life. She loves me unconditionally with all my faults and quirks.... Strange how that is....she thinks I'm all that and a bag of chips...and I think she is just perfect in everyway...
  5. by   fergus51
    Brownie,
    I am glad you got to the good relationship before your mother passed away. I can't imagine my mom dying while we were still in those terrible teenage years! Sounds like I was like you at 18! I thought I knew everything. It's funny, but it seems like the older I get, the smarter my mother becomes....Strange coincidence isn't it? Luckily moms have to love us, even when we drive them crazy!
  6. by   canoehead
    My mother and I have not been close ever. In my family I am the "bad" child, my sister is "good". We have always presented a happy functional front to the world while at home the basic necessities were rationed. It's a pattern passed down on my mother's side for at least 3 generations...so...

    Mom is wonderful to my sister though, very supportive, and I'm glad of that. The rest of the family on both sides have come to me as an adult and commented on how I was treated as a kid, (and I thought I was just bad). I no longer wish for a close relationship, but every time I get sideswiped by some action or comment it hurts all over again.

    Anyway she is the only Mom I have, and if I disown her I'll have none- not to mention losing the rest of the family too. Gotta suck it up I guess.
  7. by   Brownms46
    "It's funny, but it seems like the older I get, the smarter my mother becomes..."

    "Luckily moms have to love us, even when we drive them crazy!"

    fergus51...WOW... did you say a mouthful there! My sentiments exactly! You know ....you made me think...at least I had the time to get to know her better....before she passed! The thought of losing her during my teen years...just opened my eyes to how lucky I was! Thanks...
  8. by   Brownms46
    canoehead,

    I'm really sorry to hear about your relationship with your mom... Funny thing is that my sister was the bad one...and I was the good one. But my mom was proud of the fact that my sister is a genius...(IQ of 180)...and catered to her. I unfortuantely am not...oh well. You know I would have never thought my relationship with my mom would have taken the change that it did. I felt I was the odd person out. I got married...and thought I didn't need her. But she was always there...even though until that last year....we couldn't be around each other ...unless it was for short visits. Now I wish I had grown up a little sooner...and realized she did the best she could

    I look back now...and I see things differently...strange how life is.
  9. by   canoehead
    Thanks Brownie, if I could step back things would be in perspective- but then we wouldn't be related.
  10. by   Brownms46
    Originally posted by canoehead
    Thanks Brownie, if I could step back things would be in perspective- but then we wouldn't be related.
    You're welcome canoehead....and believe me I hear ya..
  11. by   LilgirlRN
    I saw the movie too and liked it. Was very southern , but I swear Movie people!! hire some real live southerners !! Those fakey accents. My mom and I don't get along. I can't do anything that pleases her, no one ever could and gives all kinds of unsolicited advice. She has the same name as SB's mom in the movie. There were a lot of things that reminded me of my mom. I don't want to give the movie away, so I won't say how she does. A good all around movie.
  12. by   indeed
    My mum and I don't have a very close relationship...I sort of had the classic mother-daughter relationship (the fighting, the whole "turning into your mother" bit) with me dad whilst me siblings went through that with me mum. It's not that I don't like my mum, I really do. We just never got very close. Me dad, now that is a COMPLETELY different thread.

    Indeed.
  13. by   OBNURSEHEATHER
    My mom and me are very close! We speak by phone everyday, sometimes a couple of times a day! I was an only child, and my mom a single mother. In fact, when I was about 11 was when she decided on a career change and went to nursing school. We didn't have any help from my dad, so it was something we did together. At 15, I was as proud of her at her graduation as she was of me at mine!

    I did have a rebellious stage. Nothing horrendous, but I was a loud mouthed punk, and had some serious mall hair. (I kid you not, it was 6 1/2 inches off the top of my head). But she never let it bother her. She basically told me that as long as I was still a good student and wasn't hurting myself, she would let me do what I needed to do to express myself. She took me to some of my first concerts because she enjoyed the music too, and always shared of her hippie concert going days.

    Lately I 've been starting to notice my grandmother in her, some of the same odd little quirks. We've had a deal for quite some time now that I have to call her out on these, as it's something that we BOTH don't want!

    I've told her she needs to take care of herself, because when she dies, I'll lose my mom and my best friend. I can't handle a double whammy like that! Then she makes me some mashed potatoes and I'm OK....

    Heather
  14. by   RNforLongTime
    My mom is the best and I agree with the person who wrote that nobody loves me as much as my mother!!

    When I was 14 and in 9th grade, for religious Ed. class(for Catholics who weren't enrolled in Catholic school) we had a retreat and at the end of the retreat, our parents were invited and gave us a letter that they wrote telling us how much they loved us. I still have that letter! Well, it's somewhere in my house. Probably with my HS diploma that I misplaced somewhere.

    When she's gone, I don't know what I'll do.. She's done my hair for ever! She's a Beautician and a darn good one!

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