Morbid, I know....

  1. OK. Let me preface this by saying that I haven't been to a funeral since I was a child. I've been lucky enough not to lose anyone dear to me. I've attended only "showings" or "wakes" pretty much since I can remember.

    My husband and I attended a funeral today. It was his paternal grandfather. He had been close with him long ago, as a child, but hadn't seen him in a few years. I had met him several times.

    My husband served as a pallbearer, which left me alone most of the time in a large family I am not very familar with. This left me alot of time to observe all of the things that happened, and had me pondering life, death, and how I would like to be remembered.

    I am not religious, and neither is my husband. We didn't even get married in a church. This had me thinking about what I want when I die.

    I want a party. Lots of chocolate and good music. I want people dressed like they dress everyday, like I was used to seeing them, not in a suit they dusted off. I don't want people parading past my pale bloated corpse. I want them to enjoy pictures of me as I looked all of my life.

    The funeral we attended was a traditional Catholic ceremony. Don't get me wrong, I thought it was beautiful and touching ( a little too much sitting and standing for my poor knee), but I realize it's not for me.

    So, have you thought about these things for yourself? What kind of service you want, what you want done with your body, how you'd like to be remembered?

    Sorry if this is morbid to anyone....

    Heather
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  2. 65 Comments

  3. by   Sleepyeyes
    I'm gonna make a video, and have my favorite songs like "I'll Fly Away" and "Mansion Over the Hilltop" and tell everyone that I'm quite happy in heaven.
    If I didn't have a job to do here, I'd be quite willing to go now.
  4. by   Nurse Ratched
    Firm instructions to be cremated. Hubby knows failure to follow instructions will result in hauntings.
  5. by   CANRN
    I have a sister who has cancer and has battled it for over six years. She is now in hospice care. The other day I spent the day with her and she wanted to go to the store to get some 'stationary'. She is writing letters to her three children to read after .......
    well, she talked a great deal about her funeral and what she wants, the music she has picked out, etc. This left me very uncomfortable and I listened and did not say much.
    My Dad died of cancer seven years ago last friday and as I drove him to radiation treatments, HE talked to me about his funeral arrangements, etc.

    I dont' find it morbid at all, it's just something I would rather not discuss with my sister and I hated it with my Dad as well.
    Makes my heart heavy, ya know?
  6. by   Robin61970
    I want to be cremated as well Heather and other than that I have not thought much about it.....my best friend of 17 years lost her father in May.....he was like a father to me also and lived next door.....Open casket and I remember he was so cold and not at all like Daddy......
  7. by   NurseDennie
    I don't care. The funerals are for the living.

    Well, I would HOPE that they would cremate me so that some poor slobs don't have to put on their lifting belts and carry me someplace.

    I also hope that people have nice things to say about me. I hope when I die my house is clean so my friends and family don't see how icky it gets sometimes. That would be SO embarassing.

    Love

    Dennie
  8. by   night owl
    Not morbid to me at all. I don't want an open casket b/c to me, it's always how I remember the person. If someone mentions their name, immediately I think of the last time I saw them which would be DEAD in the casket. So I'm with you Heather. I would like pictures of me throughout my life, special pictures with special friends, family, childhood pictures...memories of good times. The service would be a traditional church service I guess and then I want to be buried in a cemetary with an azalea bush and a lilac tree by my headstone and some flowers of course. Some cemetaries won't allow any shrubs around the headstone I guess b/c of easier upkeep, but I want some shade...I've at least earned it. Then the party with good music, good food and good drink.
  9. by   NurseDennie
    P.S. I guess the alternative for my funeral would be to have EIGHTY-SEVEN pallbearers!!

    Love

    Dennie
  10. by   aimeee
    This topic came up when the family was riding in the car the other day. My daughter had the best idea...she wants a viking ship loaded with all her possessions and her body laid on deck, pushed out to sea and set ablaze.
  11. by   hoolahan
    Oh yeah aimee, I like that idea, like the way they did it for the Ladies of Avalon. I want to go out like Goddess!

    Seriously, since I doubt this is a viable option, not sure I want to be cremated. My whole life, my worst fear has been to die by fire. When I was little I used to have nightmares about our house catching fire, almost threw up in driver's ed class when the teens in the car in the movie got stuck on the RR tracks and the car caught fire. I know I'd be dea, but not sure I could consider it.

    My husband's grandma was afraid if drowning, she elected to be in a mausoleum, on the top shelf! That way, she knew she would never lay in water.

    Then again, why take up space? What good is my formaldehyde-preserved corspe gonna do taking up space? Has anyone ever watched that show autopsy on HBO? Did you see the one where they exhumed the body of Martin Luther King? There was virtually no decay of his body! I'm not gonna discuss it in detail, there was some yuk, but I was amazed!

    I have a friend who is a funeral director, I'm having him take care of me when that time comes!

    I also want a party. I want a smorgasborg!!

    When my friend Mickey died at age 36, we all gathered at his house and had a BBQ, something Mickey loved to do, then we played his favorite Garth Brooks song, and everyone had a few shots of Southern Comfort, his favorite drink, we had a toast to Mickey. That is really how I want it. No tears or drama (like anyone would!) Just the circle of life, another day, have a party on me!
  12. by   adrienurse
    No way anyone's gonna enbalm me, cover me in makeup and put me on display. I'm enough of a freakshow as it is.
  13. by   Dez
    What about when a child dies? I think it would be horrible to have an open casket in this situation. My aunts 1st child died of crib death while my mom was pregnant with me. My aunt was not religious, but her husbands family felt very strongly about having an open casket. They are catholics. Till this day she can never get that picture out of her mind. Now she wishes she had never gave in to their demands.
  14. by   pkmom
    They can do whatever they want with this body, I'll be dead, I won't care. I do want people to be happy for me. "to live is Christ, to die is gain."

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