Meeting Allnurses Siblings in Person

  1. Some of you are aware of the fact that "DPlear" ("Dave") was planning to meet hubby and I this Saturday morning. Well.....sad to say......hubby vetoed the idea yesterday.

    For two weeks now...maybe three (can't remember right now)...I've been prepping hubby for Dave's visit. He never said he objected to meeting him. He even laughed one time when I said that I told Dave to bring his lawnmower to help him mow the lawn since hubby usually mows the lawn on Saturday mornings.

    Well...Dave left a message on our answer machine yesterday to see if we wanted him to come Saturday or Sunday morning between 0830 and 0900.

    Anyway....after I listen to Dave's message on the answer machine, I immediately call hubby at work to see which day he preferred for Dave to come visit us. That's when the "heat hit the fan".

    Hubby said, "That is on you entirely! I want nothing to do with that, and I don't want some strange man coming to our home because I don't believe in meeting people on the internet. You don't know if that guy is for real or not. I don't trust situations like that."

    I said, "So, what I hear you saying is you do not want him to come then?"

    Hubby said, "That's right.....I don't. How do you know the guy is who he says he is, Renee?" Now.....that's a good question to ponder!

    I sent Dave an email to let him know hubby's response. So.....to make a messy story less messy....Dave and I will not be meeting after all.

    I could meet him myself, but I find that to be very inappropriate since we are both married. I don't know what Dave's spouse thinks of the idea....or even if he has told her about it.......but...I do know that I would never meet a strange man without my hubby present which is why I did not hide any of this from him from day one. Hubby could have let me know weeks ago that he was not into this "meeting anyone from Allnurses in person thingy".

    What do you guys think? I could really use some logic here with this situation.

    Dave......I hope you are really who you say you are and not what my hubby thinks about all people on the internet. He doesn't think that you are "for real" with me. Are you???

    Dave and I have NEVER talked on the phone. He's left one message and that was yesterday late afternoon. I did try calling Dave's cell, but.......no one would talk to me after they answered the phone. I could hear someone on the other end as if they were eating something, but no one would talk. Dont' know what's up with that?

    Then, after I placed a call to "his cell phone number"......"someone" called my home from that same number FIVE TIMES IN A ROW then one more time using a different number......and I haven't heard from "DPlear" since....not even by email as I sent him messages.

    When hubby got home from work.....shortly after our heated phone conversation about "Dave's visit", he asked me if I had given Dave our home address, and I told him no....which is the truth. I wasn't going to give it to him until he arrived in S.A. and called us to let us know he was indeed "in town". Hubby goes on to say "Well.....at least you had that much sense! Don't do that again, Renee. Please!" Then, he kissed me and went bowling (he's on a bowling league once or twice a week now).

    HELP!!!!!! WHAT DID I DO WRONG, SIBLINGS??? WHAT WOULD YOU HAVE DONE??? HOW WOULD YOU HAVE HANDLED THIS SITUATION???
    Last edit by live4today on Sep 6, '02
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  2. 104 Comments

  3. by   delirium
    I think your husband is being prudent in this situation. I have had close friends with very negative outcomes from meeting people they had only known online. And I've had friends with very positive outcomes... gotten married, etc.

    I think safety is important.... but in another thread you also said you were a great judge of character. So trust yourself. I also agree that it wouldn't be kosher to go against your husband's wishes on this matter.

    Can you suggest that you meet in public somewhere? Maybe that would ease some of your husband's fears, and he wouldn't be in such a personal environment. You could meet, have dinner, like some other posters have done.

    Now, dplear, I don't know you that well, and I hope you are not misconstruing my post. I don't think you're dangerous or not who you say you are. This is what I would say to anyone in this situation, whether I knew the parties involved, or not.
  4. by   live4today
    Thank you, delirium for your very wise comments. After talking to my hubby more about it, I feel like I was being too trusting, but giving Dave the benefit of the doubt, which I have a tendency to do with EVERYONE for some human reason.

    I had a gut feeling weeks ago that maybe this guy isn't for real, but maybe he is. That's why I told Dave from the very start that his meeting me INCLUDED meeting my husband, too. NEVER would I have met him.....or any other man.....without my husband present.

    Live and learn something new everyday.....regardless of how old we become in a chronological sense.

    For the past couple days, I have felt like crawling under a chair due to extreme emotional overload anyway....so this situation really tops the icing on the cake.....and not in a good way, either. :imbar
    Last edit by live4today on Sep 6, '02
  5. by   delirium
    Me too, Renee. Check out my sinus tach thread.... talk about a bad night at work. Sheesh.

    I can't comment on whether Dave is for real, or not for real. This is just basic safety and self-preservation, my friend. My hope is that everyone here that I like/love/respect are great, wonderful, truth-telling people, although statistics would suggest otherwise.

    What will you do? Acquiesce to your husband's wishes and not see him at all? Or suggest an alternative meeting place? I'm interested in how this will turn out.
  6. by   Love-A-Nurse
    if it were me, i would meet in a public place and not my home and would take my husband. i would have suggested to speak with his wife and with the understanding that she was coming too. this is not a reflexion on dave, but anyone. your husband's wishes should be taken into consideration.
  7. by   live4today
    delirium......I saw the sinus thread.....you poor poor thing. ((((((hugs to you)))))). Hope you are feeling better this morning! I've had plenty of days like that myself. I can't recall right now what the "ST elevation" is significant of, but I'm sure a cardiac nurse who is currently abreast of those matters will come to your aide and respond on that. I have my old cardiac books here, so will look up the st elevation matter, and get back to you on your thread. Meanwhile....take care of yourself.

    As for "Dplear".........I will NOT go against my husband's judgement call on this matter. He's a pretty smart guy, and has led soldiers around by the nose for the past 20 years, so there is NO WAY I will rebel and "do it my way" in this matter. HE is right.....I am wrong.....and therefore.....no meeting anywhere will take place.

    When I emailed Dave, I mentioned maybe our meeting when I came to Houston to visit my neice and my daughter, but NOT since hubby and I talked further about this last night. So......NO MA'AM.....there will NOT be a "secret meeting place"......here or any other city.

    Dave....if you are reading this.......I truly hope you are for real! If you aren't......God help you, brutha man! Peace out!
  8. by   Rustyhammer
    I wouldn't have any qualms about meeting Dave or really anyone else on this BB.
    It is true that one must utilize care when meeting someone from online but I think you had your bases covered.
    I'm interested how Dave feels about all this.
    Dave?
    -Russell
  9. by   Love-A-Nurse
    "i'm interested how dave feels about all this. "

    same here...
  10. by   live4today
    originally posted by lpn,future, rn
    if it were me, i would meet in a public place and not my home and would take my husband. i would have suggested to speak with his wife and with the understanding that she was coming too. this is not a reflexion on dave, but anyone. your husband's wishes should be taken into consideration.
    hi lpn,future, rn

    actually, i have never sent dave a message that indicated that i would be meeting him alone, and i always spoke of him bringing his wife along......now i'm wondering if he really has a wife?

    when i asked about his wife, he said he was coming with male friends of his as they were going to a concert together, therefore that weekend was a weekend for the guys, and the girls had their own weekend planned. he mentioned that they would be staying in a hotel, and he would leave his buddies at the hotel while he came to meet us. red flag perhaps???

    dave never said he objected to meeting us both.....as i made that perfectly clear to him from the git-go. i even mentioned to him that hubby and i could meet him for breakfast somewhere. he said he'd just come to our place. another red flag...possibly???

    hubby never said he objected.......until yesterday.

    now...if dave were really 'on the up and up'......why oh why oh why does he not answer his cell phone.....unless...the wife is getting the messages and thinking i'm "the other woman".......oh god, help us all in that case! i would be the first person to tell her that aint so.
    Last edit by live4today on Sep 6, '02
  11. by   prn nurse
    Good Grief !!!

    I personally, having never Dave, will vouch for him that he is exctly who he says he is.

    How do I know?? Because I have read his posts for a couple of years and I have worked at the same hospital he works at ...Texas Children's in Houston.
    I lived in Houston a number of years and every statement Dave has made about Texas Children's, Houston, and the medical center is true.

    Of course, this could be a conspiracy between Dave and me.

    I think this thread should have been handled with a PM to Dave. It is embarrassing and humiliating and insulting....among other things.
  12. by   delirium
    Renee,

    I would refrain from second-guessing Dave and picking up red flags where there might not be any until you hear from him. He may have a perfectly logical explanation for all of this, and I can imagine he would be offended at the whole bb speculating on his character. I just don't know how appropriate that is.

    So, does that mean that you'd never meet me?



    Oh well. God bless you all.
  13. by   live4today
    No delirium.....I wouldn't have any qualms about meeting you because you are a woman. I really didn't have any qualms about meeting Dave until hubby posed the scary questions to me because I have a tendency to take things at face value most of the time......always giving people the benefit of the doubt until otherwise noted. I wouldn't bring my hubby along if I were meeting a woman....:chuckle Unless, she were bringing a man along with her...then I would. But, I can't even get hubby to GO to a public place to meet Dave. THAT is what upset me because I wanted to give Dave the benefit of the doubt.....not wanting to think the worst of him in anyway....but wanting to believe that he is who he says he is.........but, I must respect hubby's wishes on this one just because I am married to him....and not Dave.
  14. by   delirium
    That's understandable.

    And I don't think you have to worry about ME bringing a man along to meet you.


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