Medical Spouses

  1. I have heard that medical spouses or S/O (significant others) do not work well if the other person is not also in the medical field. I do not know if this is true or not. But I am curious to see what everyone's feelings are about this.

    That is, do medical spouses often time suffer a higher divorce rate, or marital/relationship problems? Also, in other aspects of the relationship, how is having one person be a medical person affect the over-all relationship?

    Thanks.

    Nick
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  2. 24 Comments

  3. by   bestblondRN
    Nick,

    I am married to an engineer, and despite our careers being very different, it works. We don't spend a lot of time discussing work since we have an abundance of other things that we enjoy together.

    I think the biggest factors that influence our marriage are that we are good friends, and we have interests outside of our careers that are common to both of us.

    The downside of this career difference is that he doesn't always have an appreciation for why I am late getting home when my patient crashes at 7 p.m., why I stay over to take care of a family whose loved one has just died--and the more "touchy-feely" aspects of the job. The last time he complained about it, I just put my hand up and said, "Imagine how you would feel if it were me or your mom dying in that bed. Now would you want a nurse that you had established trust with or the agency nurse you'd never seen before?" He hasn't said a word since.....
  4. by   finallyRN
    I am currently dating a Respiratory Therapist (together for 2+ years) I find that he understands my stress from work. I have dated other non-medical professionals and they just don't get why I need to vent the bad parts of my job (the deaths/the bad outcomes) My current boyfriend understands and lets me vent and cry when i need to. I also can understand his stresses of work. The other thing is that we both work similar schedules, we both work lots of weekends and holidays. He understands my responsibilities to work.
  5. by   nrw350
    Heh, i guess you need to be careful with the word vent and him? He may bring out the ventilator for you lol.

    Nick

    PS: I hope you find humor in that joke too.
  6. by   BadBird
    My sweet hubby is a computer analyst. He does get grossed out over some of the stories but after 6 years he is used to me by now. His career is just as frustrating but in a different way. The important thing is to give each other time to vent when needed.
  7. by   sandstormsdust
    I've dated lots of men from all sorts of fields... and I think it has no real aspect to the relationship. The only thing I could say is that the ones that worked the same types of jobs I did... usually where more sympathatic at first but later - I got / he go sick of talking the same story over and over again....

    So I would think that for any relationship to work - it takes hard work and commitment.. and lots of patience. Trust and respect go hand in hand there... and alot of maturity on both sides..

    For the most part.... I guess.... I'm right - speaking from my own experience...
  8. by   adrienurse
    I don't know, but I sure want to b%&*$k this hot new specimen to my department.
  9. by   jayna
    It depends on the person you're dating/staying with/ married to.

    Talking about work is limited on those with other professions which is true but it also depends on the person, how much he will like to know what you're doing, really understand the type of career,understand you, loves you and love what you're doing and vice versa.
  10. by   shay
    [QUOTE]Originally posted by nrw350
    [B]Heh, i guess you need to be careful with the word vent and him? He may bring out the ventilator for you lol.



    Medical humor. Funny. Hee hee!!!

    Okay, like bestblondrn, I'm married to an engineer....God bless ya, sister, btw.... And like her, my husband is quite clueless about medical aspects of my job and frequently doesn't get it when I'm stressed/fried about certain things that go down at work.

    He understands the 'big' things....like why it sucks to: code a baby for 2 hours, deliver a dead baby, deliver the baby without the doctor there, have a patient that poops continuously while she pushes, yadda yadda yadda....

    What he doesn't have a clue about is why it sucks to: float, take care of a whiney pretermer, have to work all day with a doc you can't stand, and get blood splattered on your shoes (he thinks this is just par for the course....and even though it is it still SUCKS). He still gets upset when I have to work on Christmas...uh, DUH...I'm a NURSE, remember, honey??

    Anyhoo, I think marriage can work with or without both partners being 'medical.' It's just a matter of the right personalities mixing with the willingness to meet in the middle on the career front, and at least making an EFFORT to understand what the other person is going through.
  11. by   Sleepyeyes
    My hubby is yer basic regular working guy. I used to come home and be all upset over one thing or another. The first few years, he'd advise me: "Either quit or take the B**** out in the parking lot."
    One day, I took his face in my hands and said, "Look, I'm a woman and I need to vent. I don't wanna quit; I'm not beating anyone up. I need a friend. If you wanna be my best friend, just do what I tell you."
    "Will it hurt?"
    "No. Rule #1: you may not form ANY intelligible words while I am talking. That includes brief periods where I catch my breath. Got it?"
    "Ummmm..."
    Keeping a grip on his face, I blathered on about my job, etc etc etc, looking him straight in the eyes and moving his head in a "sympathetic nod" gesture at all the appropriate spots.
    He caught on.
    He now has mastered the sympathetic grunt, the interested gaze, and the "I'll-make-it-all-better-hug."
    Now that a few years have passed, I don't need to vent as much as I used to, but he really does listen, and I really appreciate it.
    :kiss
  12. by   shay
    Originally posted by Sleepyeyes
    He now has mastered the sympathetic grunt, the interested gaze, and the "I'll-make-it-all-better-hug."
    :chuckle I can totally relate. WHY, OH WHY do men feel the need to 'fix' everything??? I've had to 'train' my husband to just shut up and listen when I'm venting about work. I've had to point blank tell him, 'honey, I don't want you to offer advice or a solution.....just keep your mouth shut and let me TALK!!' Heh heh....poor thing. He just doesn't know what to do about it if it isn't filled with microchips and microprocessors.....
  13. by   nrw350
    I just thought of something pertaining to this thread I started. I guess that if one married a CRNA or Anesthesiaologist, that they would be need to be careful about not telling the spouse that they can not sleep lol.

    Nick
  14. by   live4today
    I'm married to a nurse so this marriage has that in common whereas the first one did not.....for either of us. I find it a lot easier being married to another nurse because we do talk a lot about nursing around our house as my husband is an instructor in that field, and I am still very much a nurse...even though I've not worked in nursing for 5 years...I will be returning soon.

    My first husband's degrees are in Engineering, therefore he worked for General Motors for many years, and we had absolutely NOTHING in common...career wise...well...for that matter...we never had anything in common looking back over all those years together. What on earth was I thinking...or NOT! I didn't mind learning about his career choice, but he despised mine. He didn't even want me to enter our home with a nursing uniform on once I had worked in it. He would tell me to undress in the garage....can you believe that! Did I do it? Hekky NO! So......he went his way.......and I'm with a new hubby. If I ever had to get married again in the future, I would definitely want to marry another nurse. Sure makes my life a heck of a lot easier living with someone who speaks the language of nursing.
    :kiss
    Last edit by live4today on Jul 13, '02

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